(Closed) My SO’s parents insist I am in family photo

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Who is insisting or invited you to be part of the picture?  I think it’s a very sweet thing, but I’d just tell whomever did the inviting that while you are completely honored and feel very much part of the family, you are uncomfortable with the intimacy of said picture, until you are officially part of the family and you hope they understand.

Post # 4
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, just tell your boyfriend that you dont want to be in the picture 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

I would be happy that I was asked to be a part of the picture. They are accepting you into the family, right? Most women here struggle with the opposite problem.

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

can you compromise and have 2 pics taken, one with you in and one out?

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I understand your concern, but if I were you I would just be in the picture. You should do it as a compromise and nice gesture for your SO’s family. They made the decision to have you in and it might offend them if you refuse. If you want, tell SO’s Mom it was very sweet of her to include you considering you aren’t officially part of the family yet. That will say more than the actual sentence, it actually states how you really feel about it. 

Post # 9
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Hm, any chance that they are hinting that your Boyfriend or Best Friend might make things official real soon??

Post # 10
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I had this same exact situation happen with my ex bf and his family. They really wanted me to be in the pictures and so I went on ahead and posed with the family. In my case it didnt end to well…

The family spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on these pics and I was in the front row on most of them. Needless to say I ended up breaking it off with him. They were left with all these incredibly expensive pics with the ex in the front row. I can only imagine they weren’t too happy and I’m sure it didnt make any new girlfriends of his to excited either. I felt bad about it, but nothing I could do about it.  Not at all saying this is whats going to happen to you, but that was just my little life lesson. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it you need to let him know. Its so important to share your feelings, especially when something is making you feel uncomfortable.

Post # 11
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would maybe suggest that you aren’t in all of the pictures. I assume that the photographers would take many pics, so maybe kindly excuse yourself for some so just the “family” has nice pics. I would explain this to your SO before you arrive, and your reasoning behind. 

On one hand, I’m sure his parents would be sad years down the road once you guys are married and you aren’t in the pictures. On the other hand, you are not officially “family” yet and things do happen. So I think being in some of the pictures is a good compromise.

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If I wasnt engaged and was asked to be in the family picture I would be very happy about that

Post # 13
Member
223 posts
Helper bee

@WifeofBath:I’m not sure what to say, because I would loooove it if SO’s family wanted me in the family portrait.  We do have whole family pictures together, but not a formal portrait.

I say give it a go and enjoy the welcome feeling!  PS – I loooove your username!  As an English teacher, I am an avid Chaucer reader.  🙂

Post # 14
Member
5497 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

DH’s parents were the same way-to the point they were offended if I tried to not be in the picture. I think you should just go with it. = ) It was really sweet of them to ask you to be in it!

Post # 15
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@WifeofBath: it’s very nice of them to include you like that and shows that they want you as part of their family. if i were you, i’d graciously accept and just excuse yourself from a few shots if you’re uncomfortable. I was just in FH’s family pictures a few weeks ago. they didn’t do them the past few years so I wasn’t ever asked while we were just dating, but i’m pretty sure they would have asked me this year regardless of if we were engaged.

Post # 16
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Fiance and I both were in family pics before we were engaged.  Fiance did feel a little awkward too, for the same reasons you have.  But, he went along with it because he felt honored for them to be including him, plus he figured if we broke up, he wasn’t the one who had to figure out what to do with the picture. 🙂

It sounds kinda funny to put it that way, but for real… they sound super sweet and accepting, so I would go along with it and if something happens down the road…. well, you won’t have to worry about it!  And maybe this is a hint that a ring is on its way… never know!!

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