Post # 17
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
I can see why you are upset but I think its a totally different “thunder” and like PPs have said, there is plenty of room for family to look forward to your nuptials, as well as enjoy the birth of a child.
If you get engaged, you have the rest of your life to build a relationship with his family and they aren’t going to blow you off over a baby. Plus, maybe the baby will help you bond more with the family. You have had 3 years with them, you shouldn’t worry about a baby getting in the way. I know our emotions don’t always make sense but I would try to avoid getting worked up prematurely because you really have no idea how his family will react. Maybe when you do get engaged they will surprise you and step up to getting to know you more than you can imagine right now. Plus, maybe your boyfriend will surprise you too. It’s a long time before July and who knows what he has planned
Post # 18
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
I feel for you. We’ve been engaged for 2 years, and our wedding is 3 months away. FI’s brother and his wife just had their first baby (first grandchild in the family) in November, and it has been baby baby baby baby since then. It happened just when our wedding finally started to feel like a reality and the plans started solidly forming. His entire family is so ga-ga over the baby that we feel really pushed to the side. It’s been baby all day, every day, since he was born. I know it’s a wonderful thing, and I’m psyched to be an Auntie, but it’s really getting quite ridiculous. Now there’s been some falling out between us because we’re not having kids at our wedding, they want to bring him even though they’re both in the wedding party, FI’s parents want their grandson there, yadda yadda yadda. Everything about our wedding has turned into being about the baby. I feel like saying, when you’re dishing out the 50K for this wedding as my parents are, then you can make those decisions, but you’re not!!
Anyways, it’s a tough thing to deal with. I usually don’t have a problem sharing the spotlight but sometimes it’s way over the top. I really hope that your BF surprises you with an earlier or later proposal so you can have your time to shine 🙂 And if not, I really hope his family can separate the two precious events and give everyone the same amount of excitement!
Post # 19
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
As the date approaches, you could always suggest to your BF (in a non-pressuring way, of course!) that it would be best to wait until July or August to propose so that his family doesn’t feel overwhelmed. That is, if you can wait another two months. 😉
Post # 20
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
Your sister’s baby doesn’t prevent you from having a BITCHIN’ engagement party! Your friends and family will still be thrilled for you, no matter what.
And think of it this way, if your sister can make it to see you after she’s given birth, you guys can go celebrate with a fun night out!!
Post # 21
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
Thanks to everyone who replied and offered their advice and support!
24 hours later I’ve calmed down like…1000% and I’m totally ready to enjoy my engagement when it happens.
I talked it over with my bf and roommate and I think I’ve come down to the root of my problem. I’m jealous. Surprised? lol.
I’m 3 years older than his sister, yet my “life” isn’t nearly as “progressed” as hers is. She’s married with (soon to be) 2 kids and even though she never went to college, it works for her and she still makes money and gets to play with her daughter all day (she works at a day care, so her daughter just goes to work with her).
But here I am, not engaged/married and with no kids. I have my BS, but I’m in grad school, so I still haven’t started on my career yet. And of course all my elders (aunt, mom, grandma) all think I should wait to finish school to even get engaged. When I asked my aunt about where a good jeweler was (to go ring shopping), I got a 20 minute lecture about how I shouldn’t get engaged and quit school. It was one of the most awkward discussions of my life. But I’m fairly sure my bf isn’t going to pay attention to what my Chinese Auntie says. Anyways, I feel like if I made a list of all the accomplishments I wanted to have by age 30, I wouldn’t be able to cross off more than a few things. But after talking with my roommate and a few friends, I realize that this is the case with a lot of my girl-friends at school. We’re all waiting for our long-term bfs to make us their wives and we’ve got 3+ years until we finish our program. Then if you want to do a residency, it’s another year. Then good luck joining a practice. It’s the nature of choosing to further your education, i guess; waiting until 30 to get your real life started. I’m so over it.
More exams tomorrow, so I shall try to keep myself occupied!
Thanks bees! <3
Post # 22
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
@ohheavenlyday: While this is great advice, I just have to say that it made me LOL. I just pictured like my great aunt, with smoke coming out of her ears because she is having trouble “processing” my engagement and my SIL’s pregnancy at the same time. HAHAhahahhaha. Ugh, this day needs to end because apparently I’m going insane….
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