(Closed) My story of sorrow

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sounds like neither of you are happy in the relationship. I’d consider moving on personally.

Post # 4
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like he doesn’t want to get married. He’s telling you that, in fact. You should believe him.

Post # 5
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Being in a relationship so long is difficult because you feel like you have put in so much time, if you leave it, you’ll just have to start from square one. On the other hand, do you want to give up 9 years or do you want to give up the rest of your life to the wrong person?

 

Sit him down. Talk to him seriously and see what he really wants out of this and where he sees things. Don’t let him weasel out and say what YOU want to hear. Tell him how you feel. Maybe you can resolve this, but it sounds like you might need to let go.

 

Post # 6
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Agree with the above posters.  Sorry you are going through this.

Post # 7
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Relationships are hard work and not always sunshine and unicorns, there’s no denying that, but in your case, it sounds like neither of you are even happy – and staying in this because of the time you’ve both invested.  I hope you realize your strength, decide that you deserve to be with someone who REALLY wants to be with you (a man who is EXCITED to marry you – they do exist!!), and move on.  So sorry, I know its hard 🙁

Post # 8
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@beemeg:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was in a similar situation – in my early 30’s, in a long term relationship, living together, with someone who had been dishonest with me (cheated…more than once). For a number of reasons, it was scary to think of moving on without him but I did and I eventually met my SO, who is completely amazing.

You say that he loves you and that is most likely true. What I came to realize was that love isn’t always enough.

Maybe you could try a trial separation to figure things out? Or go to counseling together, or independently?

Post # 10
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My advice is to end the relationship

Post # 12
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Very inspiring. For some reason I feel I am not entitled to this anymore.”

This makes me so very sad. Everyone is entitled to someone who loves them unrelentingly. Who wants to marry them. Who puts them above all else. This is not the situation you have. I would really encourage you to seek counseling for yourself to regain your strength. This may help your relationship or it may help you decide that your relationship isn’t right for you. Remember that no one deserves mediocre love. No one, because that isn’t really love. Try a Google search for counselors in your area. If your insurance covers them, that’s a goo dplace to start. Maybe your physicial can give a referal. And remember that you may not fit with the first person you meet with. If you aren’t comfortable with them, try someone new. I hope the best for you.

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I’m sorry to say this, but after all the time you have been together, if he still has reasons to be waiting then I would say marriage is not in your future.  If this guy wanted you be his wife, you would be. 

At this point don’t look back at the time invested, but look forward to your future.  Every day/week/month you stay takes away from you starting your future.  My guess is that this guy really loves you, and is afraid to lose you, but in his heart, he doesn’t see you as his wife. 

Post # 16
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I did not spend as much time as you have in the relationship but I can very much associate with your post.  to answer your last question…. NO it is not normal for a man to be this attached to his parents – he is co-dependant on them. 

I sent time too thinking that we would marry – he was the one to bring it up but just like you I did not have a good relationship with his parents (not from lack of trying on my part either). But somewhere along the path I came to realize that had I stayed I was never going to be No1 to him that was reserved for his parents, and as I was placing him first he had the best of all worlds but that was not going to work for me moving forward.. so as hard as it was I left and moved on, and not looked back…

I met the most amazing man and we are marrying next year – my Ex just keeps going from one to the next with the same pattern, as soon as the time is up for marriage to be spoken of he puts them off and they run becuase YEP he puts his parents feelings first. 

I agree with others you really have to speak to him very candidly and see what he says – BUT I beleive that he has already told you what he really thinks – because actions will always speak louder than words!

The topic ‘My story of sorrow’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors