My Straight A kid is failing in virtual school

posted 1 month ago in Wellness
Post # 16
3042 posts
Sugar bee

One of my sisters teachers middle school; I’ve talked about this issue with her before. 

With your daughter, it sounds like the issue is more centered about depression, isolation, missing face-to-face interaction with her friends rather than stuggling with online classes and the challenges they can present?

I’d look for opportunities to create interaction.  Zooms, online gaming, virtual book clubs/movie clubs, things like that.  

Would she and her friends enjoy writing snail-mail letters back and forth?  So much more personal than an email and it’s a nice treat to get something in the mail!  

Maybe they could do a collaborative scrapbook to pass back and forth? Years ago, some friends and I did one and it was great fun.  We bought a kit, I think it was called “The Circle Journal”. The idea was, you’d keep it for a period of time (Say a few days), write in it, draw in it, etc, and then mail it to the next person.  

Are there any hobbies she might enjoy exploring? Photography, painting, learning to code?  I have some creative outlets that help keep me sane.

Do you have pets? If not, would you be open to getting a dog or cat?

Post # 17
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

I would send her back. So far data suggest that teenagersvare not directly affected by Covid generally speaking. If she gets symptoms (or a class mate does) she can self isolate immediately to protect her dad.

Depression is a real issue. This could lead to life long mental health issues, self harm, or even suicide 

Covid is not everything. There are other things to consider.

Post # 18
5464 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t have children yet but I wanted to just say, you are in a situation that is hard. Whatever you choose is going to be ok. Both choices have pluses and minuses. I’m high risk myself but also have depression so it’s difficult. Whatever you choose just be kind to yourself. 

Post # 19
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
@barbie86:  teenagers don’t necessarily get symptoms, but they could still be contagious. I’m a nurse and I work with teens and we have seen this happen. 

Post # 20
86 posts
Worker bee

Oh this is really rough.


I’m a lot older than your daughter, but the social isolation has been really hard too. I actually started anti depressants during quarantine, and it’s helped a lot. So I really do hope you get her to a counselor, and possibly some medication if she needs it.


Do you guys have a yard? If so I would really advocate setting up some out door social distancing time for her and a couple of friends.

Pumpkin carving (with masks) and at separate tables outside would probably be a lot of fun for her and her friends.

My husband and I set up an outdoor theater in out yard. We brought our projector and screen outside, and we can have up to 4 couples over for social distanced movie night. And you know what, it’s really, really nice. We live in a city with close neighbors, so we had to get creative with the sound so we don’t disturb the neighbors. We ended up getting a radio broadcaster (like you used in an old car without a CD player) and everyone used a little portable radio and headphones. That way we are blasting sound at the neighbors.

Post # 21
765 posts
Busy bee

Hey, we have two 11 year olds (different grades and school districts – blended family). Both are smart and typically A/B students. The adjustment has been hard for them as well. They arent focused and arent really engaging with the learning – thus their test/quiz scores have been poor. One is holding B’s and C’s while the other has all D’s and F’s.

We have come to the realization that we just need to be way more hands on with them. Unfortunately that means a lot of evening and weekend time assisting with assignments or reviewing and taking notes together. But, because they are good kids who want to do well – theyve been very open to our help. I think they’re relieved and happy to have the support bc they were struggling before but not saying anything to us. 

Also, since they arent getting the social stuff from school as much, the quality time with us helps a lot. We’ve also invested in some new art materials and online classes, etc… things they like to keep them occupied. This is a tough time, so dont feel bad. We’re all doing the best we can.

Post # 22
420 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry you’re in such a tough spot, bee. In your position I would probably continue to keep my daughter home and do what I could to control the “damage”, whether that’s zoom therapy, remote conversation/activity groups, or just keeping her engaged in whatever way I could (art projects, nature walks, practicing yoga/meditation together, cooking….yeah, I know, I’m a big crunchy hippie, lol) outside of school. And most important of all I would emphasize compassion right now, for her and for your whole family. This is NOT an easy thing to deal with for anyone, and even though you may *technically* have a choice about whether to send her back to school, it probably doesn’t feel that way. Both options cost something, you just have to decide which will do less lasting damage.

I will say this: Kids are resilient. I think adults put a lot of emphasis on “ruining” children’s lives, “breaking” them, “setting them up for failure”, and there are definitely things that can do this. Assault, neglect, lack of affection, individual and institutional abuse, all of these things can “break” children and set them up for a lifetime of chronic problems. But, speaking from personal experience, as long as your kid is well-loved, well cared for physically and emotionally, accepted and assured that they are capable, in the long term, they will be okay, regardless of external circumstances. As scary and uncertain and frustrating as this global situation is, it will not “ruin” your child. Going a year or even two without in-person school and social interaction will not, in itself, set her up for failure, and her slipping grades are not an indication of anything apart from her struggle to cope. Reacting to this slip by raising the stakes to the level of “life ruined”, however, will make things worse. Take the stakes as they come, not as you’re afraid they might develop in the future.

Post # 23
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@lulubelle2017:  I do appreciate that. Though from what I have understood, the more symptoms you have, the more likely you are to be contagious.

I still think in this case, OP should send her daughter back to school. 

Post # 24
152 posts
Blushing bee

Have you considered just homeschooling? None of the options seem ideal this year. We decided to homeschool my daughter because we felt remote learning wasn’t adequate.

Editing because nurse here.. if daughter had asthma, even mild, I wouldn’t send her. The what ifs? If she got sick would be too much.

Post # 25
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I would send her back to school. I don’t agree with the idea of counselling or medication for a cause that would seemingly be resolved quickly by just going to school. 

I would have found it unbearable to be kept at home knowing all my friends were back. 

This is assuming the school is taking Covid seriously of course. 

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