(Closed) My Supposive bestfriend….

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

I’ve got a so-called “best friend” who is very similar. whom I have known for close to 20 yrs. I don’t even claim her as a bestie but she and everyone else insist that she is, and she has the nerve to say that I’m the unstable, unreliable one and has some people believing her 100% . Her loss.

Do you have other close friends you can hang out with? If so, drop this girl since she doesn’t care about having any genuine friendship with you. Life’s too short to be in that type of situation for any period of time.

Post # 5
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sometimes you just have to realize that some friendships are toxic and your life would be better without them.  I can’t stand flaky friends as well.  Had a friend I was only friends with for a couple of years that pulled similar stunts.  Finally put my foot down with her and now we are nothing more than fb friends(she moved away).  Saddens me a little at times, but then I remember how much a headache it was to be her friend.  

Post # 6
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

If she isn’t supportive and a true friend now, she will never be (and really has no business pretending to be close to you while she’s a bridesmaid either when her everyday actions constantly emphasize how much she isn’t a friend at all). Don’t wait for something to improve becuase it won’t and don’t let it die on it’s own either by not talking as often. If you want to drop the friendship because it’s one sided, you have to take action now.

Post # 7
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can very much relate….

Life IS too short to waste energy on such “friends”.

Post # 8
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

To give the other side of the coin– I feel like I’m the flaky friend to my Maid/Matron of Honor sometimes. How far in advance do you plan these meet-ups?  Does she ever initiate planning?  

For me, I’m ridiculously busy right now.  My Maid/Matron of Honor and I were spontaneously in the same town last weekend, but I had to go a town over for a concert and marriage counseling (things that have been planned for months)– she texts me to see if she can see me, I say maybe, but she can only meet at specific times and I’m a town away.  I didn’t hear from her and we ended up just not calling each other back that whole weekend.  It stressed me out a lot because I feel like she set me up to fail?  Do you give your friend a lot of notice?  Do you let her plan some activities?

Post # 9
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

…What do you want? Is this a vent? Do you want sympathy? Or advice? Or…

Well, for starters, she sounds like a piece of work and I wouldn’t bother, if I were you. I’ve got some flaky friends and my strategy is if they want to be in my life, they will. Otherwise, they get invited to the “group stuff”–housewarmings, birthday parties, etc. but I’m not making a special effort. 

I could offer you a bunch of explanations as to what’s going on–she’s enamored with the bf and he’s influencing how she spends her time, she’s more interested in the other city, she’s decided you’re not her style anymore (ouch!), she’s bad about planning social appointments, she’s started a meth habit…But I mean, none of this really matters (okay, the meth habit might be a worthy concern but barring any other evidence…)–she’s being a flake and not making an effort to hang with you. This sucks and I totally understand that social rejection is one of the WORST kinds, but you can’t make people behave the way you want them to. So if this is how she’s going to treat you and doesn’t appear to want to change it, the only thing you can do is change how you respond to it. I would drop her or make her a historical, “back burner” friend and concentrate on other people in your life who are more invested in you. 

 

And darling, I couldn’t help but read the following and wonder: “So i call her today to see what she was doing. She was in the city that he bf lives and said that she was leaving soon, so I waited around until she came back. I texted her to see if she was close, no response. I called her, it rang a couple of times and went to voice mail. then about an hour and a half later she finally texts me back and said shes still in the other city.”


…So you called her, then you texted her, then you called her again?? Without having established specific plans to get together (I mean, you weren’t like, sitting alone in a restaurant waiting for her)? You sound a bit needy. Not saying that gives her the right to blow you off, but don’t sit around waiting for her all the time. Live your own life–if she wants to be part of it, she will. If not, well you’ve got your own life to live anyway. 

Post # 10
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Just giving my honest opinion, so be niceeeee Bees. 🙂

Some people are just genuinely flakey. Seriously I’m one of them. If you’re calling her your best friend, she probably does care about you.

I’ve grown out of this over the past few years, but I’m one of those women who just needs to hear it in the most blunt way possible. So if she’s genuinely a flakey person, call her out! I’ve had friends send me some pretty irrate messages that were worse than what you posted. And to be honest, I was PISSED for the first few hours, but I ultimately realized I was in the wrong. And once my “bad” friend behaviour was called to attention- I changed ASAP! If someone cares about the friendship and realizes that they’re damaging, then they’ll fight for it. 

My vote is that you message her as nicely as possible stating all of this, and see where it gets you. If you’re already drifting apart, there isn’t much to lose anyways. Worst case she’ll be as/slightly more distant. Best case she’ll have an epiphany and change her ways.

🙂

 

Post # 13
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Mrs.T To Bee:  Oh no 🙁

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Maybe your best option instead is to just stop initiating contact. I’ve had people do this to me as well, it’s a crummy feeling!

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Right, we know you called and texted, but did you say “hey, want to meet for lunch at 1pm at Luigis?” 

If you didn’t, then I don’t think it’s fair to blame her.  Try making plans a few days or a week in advance, with actual times and places.

The topic ‘My Supposive bestfriend….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors