(Closed) My Suprise, A Complete Let Down

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Last year he got you a diamond ring, right? And now this? I feel like he just yanks you around a lot. I’d be through the roof if i were you. It’s like he messes with you on purpose! Not cool

Post # 4
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ah, that’s disappointing. Have you guys discussed engagement? Are you both on the same page?

Post # 6
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like you guys need a Come to Jesus talk. Does he know how much these surprises hurt your feelings? 

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If he really think he’s doing something nice, he’s awfully clueless. I usually give men a lot of credit in this department because, well, sometimes they are clueless, but I just have a hard time believing any guy is THAT dumb. I mean, really! All i can see is that he knows how badly you want an e-ring and he taunts you with “presents” and “surprises” that are anything but. Like, why tease you like that? It just comes across intentionally mean to me, to taunt you like that! In addition to having a ton of “excuses” for avoiding marriage.

Maybe i’m just projecting, but it feels like a repeat of the ring incident and darnit it bugs me for you!

Post # 8
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If I were you I’d tell him to stop buying you clothes. Just say you honestly have enough and you don’t want to clutter your closet anymore. And you’d prefer for him to buy you something more sentimental… or save his money for a ring. lol

Post # 9
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Oh girl. I feel you. I am getting to the end of my rope these days as well. I haven’t read any of your previous posts but I would ask him to maybe stop calling things surprises if I were you. Buying you a present is one thing but a surprise implies grandure and as excited as he may be to buy you a coat that is not some grand surprise.

Maybe you could let him know that for the future you would prefer if each time he plans to purchase you a gift he could take that money instead and put it towards your ring. I’m having these issues these days as well since I feel like SO could be saving more rapidly but he is not. It’s a crappy situation. All I can really give you is my sympathy. ๐Ÿ™ 

Post # 10
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@CurlyDreamer: I know exactly how you feel! I have had several similar things that happened.

It’s great that he’s being so thoughtful, but like you said, everytime you think “Is this it?” Don’t feel like it’s you that’s in the wrong. There is no way that you are being “a horrible, selfish brat,” as you put it. My Boyfriend or Best Friend is the same. He’s always doing lovely things and saying how much I mean to him and how much he loves me and I feel like saying “WELL JUST ASK ME TO MARRY YOU IF I MEAN THAT MUCH TO YOU!” I really can’t help thinking this way and I know I am being ungrateful. The waiting game is so hard!

Could you perhaps talk to him?

As for your anniversary and Valentine’s day, I know it’s hard, as I struggle to do this, just enjoy the day for what it is. And if he proposes, then its a bonus.

 

Post # 11
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

To steal a line from Dan Savage – it might be time to DTMFA.

I know some men are more clueless than others, but I can’t believe any man is clueless enough to buy a diamond ring for a woman he knows wants to be engaged thinking it will just a nice thing to do. It’s not nice, it’s mean. ๐Ÿ™

If you have not done so already, I think you should sit him down and make your needs/desires crystal clear. If you really think that he is that clueless, you will need to spell it out for him – don’t trust that you’ve been hinting around at it enough. If you have already done this, well, then, to repeat, it might be time to DTMFA, especially if your feelings are being repeatedly hurt. Good luck.

Post # 14
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Wonderwoman217: What Gingernap said.

It means – don’t let men/women jerk you around, play mind games or be jerks to you/your kids, and if they are: DTMFA. No one deserves to feel continually let down/hurt by their SO.

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