I’d have to say that my Boyfriend or Best Friend hates making ANY decision, except about small things like dinner, regardless of whether he wants it or not. Planning a vacation, hard to pick a day to go. Planning a purchase, he worries he’s made the wrong decision for months AFTER. He got offered a sweet new job, not a riase in ay but a far better job, and he agnozed for a week before turning it DOWN! He wanted it but scared himself off from it. Only when he got offred a second time and I just sadi, “go for it,” did he take it.
He’s always worried he’s making a mistake about things, so I’d have to say about the pressure is that, yes, if a guy knows 100% he wants something, there may be no presure, but there’s a lot to put into getting married.
Another things I’mguilty of as well as my SO, is tht I can have all the plans in thw rold to do soemthing, but if I’m asked to do it, it shuts me down a little. I want to go to the store and pick up dinner as a treat… but if I’m asked to do it, my initiative just dropped to fulfilling a request, not doing something special because I want to. Does that make sense? That’s a kind of pressure – He’d feel he’s only doing it because he’s asked, he worries you’d think that, hecen Mr. Bee telling us to try to keep a reasonalbe lid on it, until your guy has passed all his qualms and can do it feeling it was his decision, and he wasn’t pushed into it.
I think if it’s soemthing simple, like a video game (which you can exchange, usually) or a relatively small purchase, a trip where you’re not responsible for anyhting except showing up and paying your way (as opposed to making all the plans, coordinating times, inviting friends to go, setting up transportation…etc), then it’s low stress. Marraige is not, nor should it be a simple decision like that, able to be made in a , “sure, why not?” kinda of way.
Guys have been told in recent years marriage equals game over, it’s just a pice ofpaper, it no longer matters, etc. Men who’ve been burned in the ast, either through divorce or simply just haivng bad relationships are often VERY worried. Also, think about it – which term sounds better? Bachelor? or Spinster? Old Maid? Men don’t get the same pressure to desire marriage as a woman. Men don’t feel their ability to attract a mate decrease each time a birthday rolls around – they get ‘distinguished’ we get wrinkles. So, when asked about marraige, most women will say, of course. Most men will say, maybe. Also, hate to stereotype, but a lot of guys just really can’t put into words WHY they’re worried, why they hesitate. Women have 20 words to decribe degrees of hurt and anger (upset, sad, hurt, cranky, moody, frustrated, angry). Men have one – angry. All they know s that when the “where are we going” conversation is sprung, it won’t usually end without tears unless he can pop the question then, so they go on defense and shut down, relying on, “I don’t know,” and other unsatisfying reponses to help them get through.
I agree if he was as whole-heartedly ready to marry the OP, he’d be able to tell her straight out. I also know, epsecially after reading these boards for months is tht a woman can tell if she wants to be with the guy far sooner than they guy even considers it about her. I think being frank with him about how it makes her feel is good, and that he needs to be able to define the kind of pressure he’s feeling. As I said, my Boyfriend or Best Friend sucks at making decisions more pressing than what movie to watch (and we’ve spent HOURS in a video store whil he’d decide that, sometimes), so some guys really just fear ANY decision, and it might just reflect on his marraige feelings. Look at other things he’s had to choose in life, maybe it will help you approach him in the next conversation.