(Closed) My Thoughts on Prenups

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ll probably be in the minority here, but when we got married, we did it with the opinion that divorce just ISN’T AN OPTION. Ever. We’re Catholic, and our faith is really important to both of us, and the Catholic church doesn’t believe in divorce.

If he were to cheat on me, I’d get through it. And vice versa. We’d get through it. It would be hard, but we’d do it. If opinions on money, kids, etc. change… we’ll work through it. If one of us becomes an alcoholic or something, we’ll get through it together. The only possible way I would consider a divorce is if he was physically abusing me or something, but having seen no tendency AT ALL of that in the 9 years I’ve known him, I seriously doubt it would happen. We’ve been on the same page about the no-divorce thing since Day 1, so a prenup just didn’t make sense for us. 

Additionally, we’re in Texas, which is a community property state, which means any money we make during the marriage belongs to both of us… so there’s no way either person could totally rob the other even if we did divorce. Even if we were in a separate property state though, I wouldn’t have signed one. 

The whole concept of a prenup just goes against our view of marriage. 

Post # 4
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I LOVE prenups.  I’m biased, because I used to write them all the time, but I definitely think that they are extremely useful and most people don’t understand them.

A few more reasons I like them:

-A lot of people don’t know this, but pre-nups don’t just have to be about division of property in case of a divorce.  Just like the name implies, it’s an agreement you make before marriage.  I’ve had people put in clauses like “Neither spouse shall acquire a pet without the consent of the other” or “Neither spouse shall make a purchase in excess of $5,000 without the consent of the other,” etc.  Some people have even put in things like “Husband shall give wife a back rub once a week” or “Wife shall not own more than X amount of shoes at any time” and they have been upheld.  It’s really a good way to see what each person really expects for the marriage.

-Statistically, couples with prenups are much more likely to stay together than couples without them.  In my opinion, this is because couples with prenups have openly discussed finances before marriage.  Some people are uncomfortable talking about money, and this sorta forces people to deal with an issue that is very important and often avoided.  Also, even if you’ve talked in general terms, it helps to have the specifics worked out and to ensure that both couples understand each other.  Beyond just the money, it helps a couple establish a procedure for dealing with issues where their interests are adverse, and that’s a great premarital experience.

-I think getting a prenup helps couples ensure that they are taking their commitment seriously.  For one, most states have mandatory waiting periods, so you can’t meet someone and marry them two days later and still have a valid prenup.  More importantly, it shows that both parties understand that they are making a major decision that changes their legal status and their lives forever.

I could go on and on about my love for prenups 🙂 

 

Post # 5
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@MissBananaBread:Out of curiosity, how are the sort of agreements you’re talking about enforceable? I mean… it’s not like you’re going to sue your spouse for too many shoes or not enough backrubs…and even if you did, what sort of remedy could you get?

I guess I’m just wondering what makes that any difference from just a list of goals and expectations for your marriage (something my husband and I definitely DID do before we got married). 

Post # 6
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@bluebonnet:  You could sue and win, but to actually get damages then you’d an have to prove distress, hardship, etc. Those would be very hard to prove with simply lack of a backrub or too many shoes. So the court may find in your favor, that the contract was breached but award you nothing.  These specific examples are probably put in as jokes while the more serious stuff, like money, remains the real issue.

Post # 8
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m not against pre-nups and I’m actually surprised Fiance doesn’t want one once we’re married.  He owns his business (which he just started up) and if it really takes off (which I think he has a great chance) – he’ll make really good money.

ETA: I obviously don’t ever think that we’ll get divorced or have any marital problems, but as OP mentioned, one never knows what could happen.

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m totally pro prenup. Marriage isn’t about love only, it’s also about the merger and protection of assets, taking on debt, owning property, joint accounts. It’s astounding that people forget that.

You can say “divorce isn’t an option” but if someone decides it is and leaves, then what? You’re left with a potentially huge financial mess!

Post # 10
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m neutral. I’m certainly not against prenups and I think they are quite important when one partner has more assest or makes significantly more money than the other. I also think they are a good way to talk about finances, financial situations and to work out what financal decisions are important.

On the other hand, having witnessed several divorces, I don’t think they are completely necesary for people who already have similar financial goals, share finances before a marriage and neither person has a financial advantage.

Personall, ym Fiance and I will not be getting a prenup. We both make the same salary (and will continue to with our govt jobs), have been sharing finances for a while, and in the event of a divorce we will has it out then. If either of us owned something that was an advnatage over the other (i.e. he owned a house or I had significant savings outside of our relationship) it wouldn’t have been a second thought.

To each his own 🙂

Post # 11
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Everdeen: “Wife shall not own more than X amount of shoes at any time”


I would not ever sign any document dictating how many shoes I can get! 

Post # 13
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

I love prenups- I think they are super smart for marriages. I think people need to remember that marriage isn’t just about love- it is a business contract as well and when things don’t end right, a prenup guards against the worst.

Post # 14
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have to laugh when people say ” Oh divorce isn’t an option”. The only person in this world whose actions you can control are YOUR OWN. You can never know for certain what another person will or won’t do. I am a firm believer in pre-nups and wish more people would look at marriage with clear eye,  take off the rose colored glasses and for heaven’s sakes protect yourself and your assets!

Post # 15
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MissBananaBread: Exactly. You work out a lot of money issues by just discussing and planning the prenup.

@bluebonnet: How enforcable it is depends on your state laws but in gerneral you can enter a contract to do anything as long as its legal. You can also put what the expected damages are into the agreement, and its usually monetary. But more often than not clauses such as those are good to show the parties expectations.

Post # 16
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I guess I never gave prenups much thouhgt because neither of us have a whole lot of assets.  I understand why people have them and would never scoff at them.  Like any couple, we hope to be a bit well off later in life, but thats never a guarantee.

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