To all the ladies who have replied here is a detailed overview of the recent months:
My boyfriend knows that I am ready to take the next step and has know for at least a year. He talks about the future and all those sorts of things often but I am starting to think there is a big difference in saying and doing.
Last summer I really thought he was going to propose and after that passed and it was Sept/Oct of 2011 I had a mini-meltdown. I told him that I thought things would have progressed by now, blah blah blah.
He said that he was not financially ready yet. (That is a whole other story) So I said to him “What do you need to do to get you situation in tact” We had that discussion. To give you a high level overview of his financial situation he is in his mid-late 20’s and has been working for a small family company for about 4 years and makes around $55K/year. He lives a lifestyle that you would look at and think he made $80K. Thats because he spends most of it. I will give it to you, my first year out of college I was not responsible with my money. But once I started making decent money I kicked into savings mode and have been doing pretty good at it. So after this discussion we talked about- going out less on the weekends and finding cheaper alternatives, cooking more at home, and thinking twice about items we spent our individual money one. We do not share funds and live seprate. He has made a conservative effort and has not eaten out as much, bought pricey items, etc. But he is locked into a lease at a place above an ideal budget for now.
For those of you wondering about why we do not live together it has to do with multiple factors including parental beliefs and personal preference before marriage.
I feel that I would be MUCH more patient and understanding if he would give me a few things. Before I list these things I would like to mention I have been very straight forward with him and basically said, “If you can tell me these things I will stop talking/thinking about engagement/marriage. I just need something.” He will not give me anything in return. No timeline, no ring looking, nothing. Just that “He wants to be with me and to calm down”
1. Can you just tell me the year? All i wanted to know was 2012…2013…2014…I was OK with hearing whatever it was it would have put me at ease
He has asked about rings casually, like my preference, but we have never looked at them together. He asked me recently about pictures and I told him I could not do that, because of these things I did not feel comfortable sending them and it would make me feel dumb.
As you may be able to tell he comes from the “everything is a secret” school of though and I come from the “not such a secret after 5 years” school of thought. I never though in a million years I would be dating someone so long and not be able to get a F-ing answer. Pardon my French.
So I decided at the beginning of the year I was going to focus on ME, work, and my friendships. Re-gain some of ME and see where things went and I feel great. For being 25 I have a great job, great friends, great place to live…I am really fortunate. But I also want certain things out of life and I am not willing to sit around for someone who cannot see that it is not fair to me. I understands this sounds selfish but I have put so much love and time into this relationship that I truley think I deserve that in return.
I will open this back up to the jury now…. ((Apologies for typos- to tired to proof read this right now.))