Post # 1
I am not one of those all white, lace and fairy tales kind of bride. I have a quirky side that shows up….ALOT. It can be through my clothes, through my makeup, through what I do and say.
So when I heard from my fiance that his mother wants me to tone down my hair I was completely upset. Since he asked me to marry him I always thought of my hair being long, wavy and purple. I made no secret of my desired look to anyone, let alone my fiance’s mother. Some of my bridemaids are even volunteering to put a little purple in their hair for the day.
It just hurts because in my mind I think they will be embarrassed of me, especially since the wedding is at a “prestigous venue” and my fiance’s father works there. They kinda want to save face. This is not the only time she asked me to do something for the sake of other’s opinions. She asked me and my fiance to get married (about 5 months before our set wedding date) before we moved in together just because I was employed by the catholic school she works at and she didn’t want people to talk.
On top of that, my family didn’t take too well to my save the dates; a spin off of the trendy black and white stripes with a touch of Tim Burton style, which is my whole theme for my wedding. They seem a little put off by the black…they are very old world. But still, on top of me not being sure of myself and this hair issue, now my family….I feel like I’m battling everyone just to be me. I’ve cried many nights about it.
Am I just over thinking? Do I just flip the bird and do what I want?
Post # 3
@Miss Moxy: Flip it hard girl! Once you start changing yourself to please others, you are no longer you!
Only change for yourself and do what makes you happy when you look into the mirror. It is not like your deciding these things out of the blue!
Also, what has your Fiance said about all this? Have you two had a talk?
Post # 4
Stick to being you and do what you want! The day is all about you and your Fiance as a couple, so if you start changing yourself the day will become all about what others want. Talk to Fiance and make sure he supports you and it’s what he wants, too, then tell everyone else that, while it’s nice they are so interested in the big day, you are happy with your decisions.
Post # 5
I’m not at all saying you have to give in to her. I understand that your hair style is important to you. Maybe if you give in on something less important to you (I’m sure this isn’t the only thing that’s an issue) and see if maybe you could gain her favor that way. It’s better to make friends with her if you can than to just fight with her. Again I’m not saying you have to do this or that you should. It’s very rude of her to expect you to just flow with her movement. Your fiance loves you the way you are and this wedding is about your love for each other. It just might help for in the future if you can think of something you don’t really care about that you can work with her on.
Sorry you’re having this problem. Btw I think purple hair is cute.
Post # 6
I second the other Bees! Stay true to who you are!!!
Post # 7
The only two people who need to love what your day looks like, feels like, etc are you and your FI! It’s YOUR day! Anytime it comes up, just gently say “thank you for the suggestion, but we are going to do it this way.” It’s not your FMIL’s decision to make. Stand your ground and definitely (although maybe metaphorically) flip them that bird!!!
Post # 8
Stay true to who you are, and pick your battles
best of luck!
Post # 9
@Miss Moxy: It’s your wedding. You have to be polite and courteous and feed your guests. But other than that you can wear whatever you want and style your hair however you want.
Honestly I would be a little offended if I were you.
Post # 10
I say definitely be who you are, but I genuinely understand your hesitation. You are directly related to factors that influence how other people see your Future In-Laws. That would be stressful.
It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything radical, just not typical. Do what you need, lovely. I think it will be gorgeous!
Post # 11
He thinks it’s nothing and that his mom is “talking out of her ass”. What also gets to me is that one of my BMs is his sister and she is the one running to her mother, talking about me and what we are doing with the wedding (yet I never hear from her). His sister threw a fit when the other 3 BMs came up with the idea for the purple extensions for the day of the wedding. She wasn’t having that. I could care less what they do with thier hair. His father, however, has no opinion over the issue, and to be honest, I dont even think he would notice my hair color. He’s not a details kinda guy. My fiance loves the purple hair, cause it makes me happy and that was the color of my hair when we first met.
They keep ringing in with the word “conservative”…..I am in no way, shape or form conservative and I dont know why they expected me to be for my wedding day!
Post # 12
I am incorporating alot of Irish tradition in the wedding ceremony. I thought that would be a nice way to honor her and her family. I dont know what else to do.
Post # 13
I was extremely offended and I made that apparent to my fiance who didn’t see what the big deal was. I don’t know how to communicate to him that she doesn’t just suggest things, she’s really demanding them….in a “polite” way.
Post # 14
It is your wedding! The only other person that should have any say is your Fiance.
I understand people not liking different things and thats fine. But they shouldn’t try to control what someone else does for the sake of vanity.
As for your FI’s sister, what is she? Five? If she has a problem she should tell it to your face, not run to mommy for back up.
If your Fiance loves your hair, then do it. As for everything else. “I respectfully accept your opinion, but I would still like to have a wedding that represents who we are.”
There are always going to have people that want there say. And for your inlaws to think that it will be any sort of an embarassment is shame on there part.
It is so sweet of you to add Irish tradition into the wedding and it shows you do actually have them in consideration.
Post # 15
Ignore the naysayers! It is impossible to please everyone so go ahead and please yourselves. Your Future In-Laws might as well get used to the unique person you are, dont back down!
Post # 16
If she’s only whinning about important things than I would tell her to deal with it. I would explain that you are adding Irish traditions for her side and she should be more understanding. It is totally possible that his sister is overreacting telling his mom who then overreacts even more. Honestly I wouldn’t be polite about how she’s treating you to your fiance. You need to make sure that he sees how it really is so that you know you’ll both be on the same page.
Doing everything always the way she wants isn’t the way to start your marriage. Eventually you’ll get bored of it and probably be filled with resentment. He might not like you following his moms every whim and end up leaving you. He’s with you because he likes you. If he wanted a woman who catered to his mom he would have found one.