(Closed) My "uniqueness" is not being taken well.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@DJones69:  Yes to all of this. Maybe it’s my age (35) showing, but I’m deliberately toning down my look for my wedding for a bunch of these reasons. Then again, I got over getting a kick out having people stare at me long ago and I really get wanting my relatives to to soak up all of the “she is so beautiful!!” business. They love me, they’re proud of me, they want everyone else to be, too. And the fact is that the majority of people out there do not think purple hair or whatever else attractive. I really do get where your Mother-In-Law is coming from because of that.

Would I like to have a black or brightly colored dress? Hell yes. But I’m having ivory because we’re getting married in a pretty traditional setting and my Fiance said he’d like it. And, frankly, I don’t want to freak out my very tradional in-laws.

Would I love to do a Day of the Dead theme? YES. But my in-laws are Mexican and they would not get it. And they may even find it offensive. So we’re not doing that, either. Though my sister did get a set of papel picado in day of the dead theme, shhhhh! We’re pretending they sent the wrong thing, lol

This is the one day I’m making concessions because I love them and I want them to think I look beautiful and the wedding is beautiful. It’s about family to me. Clearly you don’t have the same respect for your in-laws that I have for mine, so I get it.

I’m the biggest proponent out there about doing what you want, marching to the beat of a different drummer, etc. I just get the other side in my older age, too.

 

Post # 48
Member
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@solidarity: +1

Maybe it is my age also showing. I so get the different color hair (been going different colors for many many years now.)

However where your wedding it taking place, I would take into consideration toning it down just a tad.  Not all out take the purple out but maybe just tone it down a bit. 

I am all for quirks just be you but just remember this is going to be family who you will have to butt heads with for the rest of your life with. 

Post # 49
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

There’s the other thing about going a bit more traditional, too. People who know you would likely be super shocked and gush all over you 😉 That’s fun, no matter how you look at it.

Post # 50
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If we all acted in the way our mothers/FMIL’s wanted to then there would be no individuality. Be yourself and be proud! Your Mother-In-Law may not love it but your (possible) future daughter will! Imagine seeing your Mum with Purple hair in her old wedding pics. Awesome!

 

Post # 51
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@DJones69:  

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@solidarity:  

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@Sassygrn: 

Really? I’m 43 and I have no intention of ‘toning’ it down for anyone. So what if the coworkers talk?! If that’s all they have to do then it’s time for them to get a life!

As for trends…there are ALWAYS going to be trends whether it’s a colour or style. I was married the first time in 1990. I wore a blush dress and had my wedding in a barn…and I don’t regret any of it EXCEPT the person I married! Pictures are always going to look dated years from now but at least OP will be able to look back on the person she IS not some fake.

People should be gushing over her on her wedding day because she is the BRIDE…not because she confirmed to some ‘standard’ that others have forced on her…and I say forced because most people are very passive aggressive to get their own way.

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@solidarity:  Saying that OP doesn’t have the same respect you do for your inlaws is just rude and insulting. You bacon have respect and still not agree with someone!

Post # 52
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

From an extremely traditional future bride, if you can’t be yourself on your wedding day, when can you be? PURPLE HAIR FTW!!’

Post # 53
Member
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Luayne:  I said tone it down a bit geez not completely change.  I am all for individualism. But also know compromise sometimes goes a long ways in family situations  

Post # 56
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@Sassygrn:  I know you said that but you also said +1 to solidarity’s comment which took a much more ‘tow the line’ stance. I come from a conservative Christian family and ‘towing the line’ has never been my strong suit. If people would stop worrying about what other’s are doing or what other’s opinions are and worry more about what they are doing then the world would be a way better place.

Post # 57
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@Miss Moxy:  You’re welcome. I should have added when I got married in 1990 my Mother-In-Law was horrified after about my blush dress and the fact that we had it in a ‘barn’ (actually old barn converted to banquet hall that had only one other wedding held there due to zoning…and that was my multimillionaire boss!). Everyone else came up to me (some for years after!) and said it was the most beautiful wedding they had been to.

 

Back then these things weren’t trends…they were WAY out there. If it wasn’t for the ex in the photos I would have them up still because they’re gorgeous…and I NEVER regretted any of those choices….and look! Now they’re the trends!

 

I won’t be having purple hair…it just comes down to I don’t like to colour my hair (Guess I may have to start soon…grey hairs have just started to pop up). I used to ocassionally put in streaks that would wash out.

 

But then again…it’s probably a good thing…might be a bit much with the purple dress and Victorian riding hat that I’m wearing! 😉

 

Post # 58
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Stupid double posts!

Post # 59
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

I think long purple flowy hair sounds so glamorous! if this is what you’ve been dreaming of, you should go for it. even if your Mother-In-Law is upset about it, she’ll get over it eventually (and if she doesn’t then whatever) but if you give up on your wishes for her sake you’ll regret it for a long time (at least that’s what I think).

Post # 60
Member
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Luayne:  I was +1 about toning down the hair color.  I personally would think it would be awesome say if op did some purple highlights instead of say all over purple. I said nothing about the conservatism. 

 

Post # 61
Member
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Luayne:  I was +1 about toning down the hair color.  I personally would think it would be awesome say if op did some purple highlights instead of say all over purple. I said nothing about the conservatism. 

 

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