(Closed) My "uniqueness" is not being taken well.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 107
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
@Miss Moxy:  As do you in mine Smile I wish there was a way to tag you or something as Bee favourite because I really want to see how your wedding progresses – it sounds like it’s going to be fantastic! Laughing

Oh and one of my favourite Offbeat Brides rocked purple hair on her wedding day and I thought she looked rather elegant and glamorous. So-called “wild” hair and sophistication are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Post # 108
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@DJones69:  Just because mainstream choices suit you don’t mean they suit everyone, and it is not relevant to their maturity or their education level or their life success. Some of us venture out from the standard life script and it gets pretty tiring having people berate and insult us for doing what we think is right and best for us.

If someone’s paying me to do a job, they can tell me what hair colors I can and can’t have while I am on the premises at that job. But last time I checked, getting married was not a job, with an employer who gets to set a dress code… therefore the bride can style herself in whatever way is most authentic to her. So I’m not sure how your list of professions is relevant. If she were talking about a job interview, sure… you’d be on the money… but I’ve never heard of an employer asking for your wedding photos to make sure they look “normal” enough.

If I walked down the aisle with my natural hair color in a big white dress to here comes the bride, I would look back on that with nothing but nausea, it wouldn’t be me in that photo. It’s right for some, but not me. Pink hair and a mostly-black dress is what’s right for me.

Now, lots of people, if they saw that on themselves, they wouldn’t feel good, because it isn’t true to them. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t authentic for anyone. I can understand the POV of someone different from me, who would never dye their hair. I would never ask them to do so.

Try to put yourself in the shoes of someone whose values and desires are different from yours and understand that that difference does not make them stupid, or wrong, or immature, or shortsighted.

By the way, mother is in her 50’s, strong, brilliant, working a great job she loves, and dyes her hair purple. She only regrets never having done it sooner. 

Post # 110
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@Miss Moxy:  it is all my natural hair.  my husband did the dye job.

Post # 111
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is your day. You get to do what ever you want. If it is purple hair that you want, you got it.

 

That said, I hope I do not offend you if I ask you to at least consider another point of view. The wedding day is special; the moment will live on forever in pictures. For most brides, this is the one day that they put the most energy into looking the most beautiful they will of any day in their lives. To me, since purple is not a natural hair color, it would look freakish rather than beautiful. I wonder how you would feel about those photographs in 40 years. Maybe you will be fine with it, but it is something to think about.

 

Also, when I see someone color her hair in this fashion, it screams of someone saying that they want to be different, that they want to be noticed, the way a teenager does, not a young adult. There is a difference between wanting to be unique and yourself, and wanting to shock people.

 

You seem to be hurt by the fact that some guests will look down on you with this choice. Of course they will! You are free to do whatever you want; they are free to think whatever they want. You cannot control them anymore than they have a right to control what you think and do. Conservative you’re not, but conservative some of them may be. You can’t do anything about it. They see the wedding day as an elegant occasion.

 

 

 

Post # 112
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@Miss Moxy:  this quote is perfect for this situation

“To be nobody but  yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”

try to think about that when either your Mother-In-Law or PPs or someone else tells you to compromise. If you compromise the happiest, most authentic you, then its not you anymore.

Post # 114
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

To the OP: Do your own thing… you will look beautiful and like YOU.

 

To the poster who mentioned never seeing a university professor with purple hair… well…

I teach at a university in the UK, and I have personally seen senior teaching staff with purple hair, pink hair, flame red hair… it’s not that unusual over here. Even more have very visible piercings, including facial ones. There are lots of people who have ‘alternative’ looks, as well as lots who are ultra-conservative and those who just wear jeans and a T-shirt. The ‘tweed coat’ cliche is definitely not the norm these days, even at Russell Group universities.

Post # 115
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

PS I also wanted to add that if you DON’T go for what you want, you will probably look back on your pictures in 50 years or wherever and regret the lack of purple hair. You would probably wish that you’d gone with it. So I think that it’s the right thing to follow your dreams and your ‘vision’. Good luck!

Post # 116
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Girl flip that bird, heck flip two birds! I have to give you a round of applause,  because as soon as people started to tell me how to plan my wedding I talked to my DH about eloping and we did it a month later!! Enjoy your purple hair and tell them to STFU! 🙂 They had their day now let you have yours!!

Post # 117
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Miss Moxy:  I think it is your uniqueness what made your fiancé fell in love with you. And as many other have said, when you start changing to please others, you loose yourself in the process. Don’t mix in, please!!

Post # 119
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Miss Moxy:  I think there is a time and a place for “uniqueness.” You didn’t chose a venue that embraces that, and apparently you aren’t marrying into a family who does either. If you are eloping, I agree that you can do whatever the hell you want. The day is about you and your Fiance. Period. However, when you chose to invite guests, you do need to take their feelings into account, especially if they are helping you pay or got you a discount (I am assuming since FI’s dad works at your venue).

If you can live with your in-laws being embarassed of you and looking back on wedding photos in 10 years that you might just hate, then that’s a risk you need to take. For something small like that, I would choose a strong relationship with my FI’s family over doing something out of the box in an upscale venue. I personally don’t feel a wedding is an appropriate place to push the envelope but I am a traditional gal.

What does Fiance think of the whole thing? If anyone stands up to his folks, it should be him. If he agrees with them, then it’s something to consider.

 

Post # 120
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@Carolsays:  +1, exactly this. But people learn through making their own mistakes and chalking it up to experience.

Post # 121
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@joya_aspera:  +1,000. That is exactly what I was trying to convey, but I don’t think I did it as well.

The topic ‘My "uniqueness" is not being taken well.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors