(Closed) My "uniqueness" is not being taken well.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I love how this thread has evolved into an argument about purple hair because it’s so “unique” and “offbeat.”  Except…it’s totally mainstream.  When Brittany Spears, Kesha and Miley Cyrus started dying their hair “crazy” colors, it became mainsteam.  Oh wait, prior to that it was Blondie and Betsy Johnson. Having “normal” hair is almost more mainstream within the “offbeat” circuit- a girlfriend of mine who is a burlesque dancer started going gray when she was 18 and she is now fully gray at 29- THAT is offbeat and unique… and would people dare tell her to dye her hair for her wedding? no. Wear your hair how you want, but do realize that marrying into a family can be about choosing your battles- is this one REALLY important enough to start off on the wrong foot? Sure, it’s beyond stupid, but if it really means SO little… why not cave a bit to appease someone who you’re going to have to interact with for the rest of your (or her) life? The ability to see the forest for the trees is the true sign of maturity and, imho, “uniqueness” in this situation where so many people would dig their heels in.

 

Post # 123
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Miss Moxy:  You do you, gurrrrrrl! I love the purple hair, the invitations, everything! I also wanted to say that I love your avatar pic because you & your Fiance look super happy and adorable.  Are you going to have a cake with sugar skulls?  That would be the radness

@bkrocks13:  +1000. I moonlight as a fire dancing performer & am the weirdo in my artsy crowd for having brown hair Cool

Post # 124
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you don’t care what others think of you, why did you post this? Are you at all surprised that your inlaws aren’t thrilled? My family and FIs would be shocked if any family member did this!

Post # 127
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Miss Moxy:  i think at this point you know what you want and you should walk away from this post. It no longer is about supporting you, but rather has become about what others feel about the oppinion of others. You seem to know what you are going to do and honestly? Sound like you just want to be told you are not wrong in your choice. It is your day, and you know deep down what will work to make it the best day for you and your Fiance.  You got your backbone, and should not have to defend yourself to people who will not be there with you on your day. I do suggest a talk with the Future Mother-In-Law not to stir things up but to hear her out and hopefully have her hear you out. From there let her know that if you choose to dye your hair purple or not, it was for you and her son. I do suggest though that you stay calm in this conversation and pick your battles in the future… as for his sister, she may just be a product of her upbringing not everyone can shake it off as it seems your Fiance did. I wish you the very best and hope all turns out well either way.

Post # 128
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

OMG I am excited to hear more about your wedding, I love brides who go against what everyone else is telling them and do their own thing, something that makes them happy.

We are having an “offbeat” wedding, we were planning to keep everyone happy but it started getting to the point that we felt like it was all about other people, who wants that on their wedding day.

So in keeping with who we are and what we like, we are having our reception on a sail boat stripping into swimmers and going snorkeling…

We are still having a beautiful ceremoney and photos ect…. but its also revolved around us not what other people want.

As for my look I will have red foils in my black hair, that alone will make certain family members gasp, but my wedding dress is something I know gets alot of attention and most of it negitive, I will be wearing a black gown, oh and glitter red platform heels.

my family is very different from me, wanting to go fluffly white dress, with honoring god (alot, like a crazy amount) a reception at a “respectable” place with no alcohol ect….

Its my partners family who will be like, “oh cool a black dress” but mine  hmmmmm

but you no what, all that matters is that you are happy with how you look and feel, if you were to show up to the wedding as the picture other people have for you, then your partner would more than likely feel cheated, as he would want to see the real YOU standing in front of him, you would also feel more at ease being who you realy are.

I am all for traditional weddings so long as that is what the bride and groom wants, you will have this memory for many years, make sure its your wanted memory not someone elses, if they want a certain type of wedding they can get married and have that.

dont stress what others think or say, you have your partner and family and friends who all support and love you for you.

best wishes xoxo

Post # 129
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I’m glad you made the decision to stick with your original plan. FWIW, I think that’s absolutely the right choice. Good luck with it!

Post # 130
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Wow! I can’t believe what this thread turned into…a lot of very judgemental people trying to put someone back into a ‘box’ that she was never in in the first place. The statements about professionalism, respect for family and formal events are honestly pathetic, pretentious and rude. How does purple hair detract from any of these things? Outward appearances are exactly that…OUTWARD!

And as for the PP that said to wear your natural hair colour for your wedding day? Really?! Natural?! I had a good laugh at this because honestly how many women wear their natural colour on ANY day let alone their WEDDING day?

Post # 131
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

@Luayne:  I was thinking the same thing… my ‘natural’ colour only sees the light of day when my (grey) roots need re-touching 🙂 My hair colour is no less unnatural (for me) than purple!

Post # 132
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Flip it and do what you want! It’s your wedding. They’ve already had their’s (or will have their’s someday). I’ve noticed that the parents/family that try to get involved with our weddings and try to tell us what to/not to do are the ones whose families meddled in their own and maybe weren’t able to do everything that they wanted. They look at this as their opportunity to do what they were unable to do at their wedding. 

Post # 133
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Miss Moxy:  I have no idea how old you are, but there are a lot of things I thought looked great when I was younger. I look back at pictures now and think, WTF! Generally my hair is blonde (fake), but I will go back to my roots for my wedding. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just wouldn’t want to see anyone live with regret. What you like now may be entirely different than what you like in 10, 15, 20 years so I always play better safe than sorry 🙂

Post # 134
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Miss Moxy:  I’m going to agree with @primepretty: and say that perhaps it’s time to close the thread down. You know what you want and you have the support of your fiance and your mother as well as a fair number of Bees Smile There’s no point wasting your time and energy defending what you know is right for you. And remember, if the worst thing that happens is that you somehow regret your choice of hair colour, you still come out ahead in the grand scheme of things. Smile

Post # 135
Member
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Miss Moxy:  I’d say do what you want for your wedding. your Future Mother-In-Law is being ridiculous! 

Random People don’t honestly care or place that much importance on other people. They might honestly think your hair is weird but generally people go ‘oh well I dont have to wear it so who cares’ and not give it second thought.

Same as with living together….lots of people do it…..some people may disapprove but as it doesn’t have any impact on them they shrug it off.

Is your Fiance ok with you not listening to his mum? If its ok with him then let him tell his mum to butt out!!

Having said that I’d personally try to keep everyone happy -ish! I’d hate to have my Mother-In-Law disliking me for the next 20 years….so I would try hard at finding a compromise or a way of making her feel involved in your day.

good luck!

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