- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I just wanted to share my story of something unexpected that has happened in my e-ring picking process, and also maybe get some reassurance. I’m a teeny bit worried that I was too assertive, and have overstepped, as I will explain.
My SO and I have set our timeline for getting engaged for early next spring, and though he wants the proposal and ring to be a surprise, he was open to me sending him pictures of things I liked. However, I came across an Etsy vintage jewelry seller and stumbled upon the PERFECT ring, in so many ways. Here’s the seller’s pic (it’s in the mail so I on’t have my hands on it yet):
So why this ring is so perfect: For one thing, my SO and I were already looking for a nature/floral/tree-bark theme with my ring(s), because it has personal significance for us. But why it first jumped out at me so strongly is that it very very closely resembles my great-grandmother’s ring, which my grandmother wore too. It’s been passed down to my mom, but it’s so old and delicate that it’s only suitable for very occasional wear, sadly for me, who LOVES vintage/antique jewelry, and obviously also the sentimentality which comes with an heirloom piece.
The resemblance to the original is so remarkable, and this item would be snapped up so quickly, that I knew I just had to jump on the opportunity! What I didn’t count on was that my SO would be so strongly attached to picking a ring out on his own. We are pretty untraditional in terms of being hyper-critical of consumerism, of gender roles, and of following the life “script” of marriage and all its implications. I was pretty surprised that he felt this way! But, then I explained why this particular ring would be sentimental to me, and we also had a bit of a discussion where I said obviously I would treasure whatever he picked for me, yet aesthetics and my personal taste are important in something I will wear every day.
What he suggested we do, is that he would get me this ring as an anniversary present (4 years dating anniversary!) and that he would still keep looking on his own for an e-ring to propose with. But if we didn’t find anything we liked better in the next few months, this ring would be “upgraded” to an e-ring. Right now it’s a size that I can wear on my middle or index fingers, but we’d have to size it down to fit my ring finger. So it will tangibly be a “different” ring with a different signification if we decide to do that. Or, he also said maybe I’ll like both rings and just switch them up for different occasions. I know that our budget will limit him to sterling silver rings, (the one above is vintage and thus super cheap,like <$100 even though it’s gold, and he doesn’t know how to find deals like that lol) and the one he picks will be even more untraditional and might be far from “looking like” an e-ring. So I do want the option of wearing something that signals e-ring.
Now, this plan appeals to me because it is very practical, as we both are 🙂 But I still feel like I’ve taken some of the fun out of it for him? He was also a bit shocked or taken aback that I was so assertive in showing him what I wanted “so soon” even though we have a very concrete timeline…do guys just not understand how far in advance girls look at rings? 😛
Well, If anything, it’s made me decide that I’ll keep my mouth shut for the rest of this pre-engagement period, and let him have his fun!