(Closed) My Vent

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh dear, so sorry you have to deal with this. I don’t have much by way of advice to offer…just wanted you to know that I read your post and sending lots of * HUGS *

Post # 5
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh sweetie, you’re welcome! It now sounds to me like you are grieving the loss of an important relationship.

I went through this a few months ago when my brother and his controlling wife said they would gladly be in our wedding. Then they got pregnant with their 1st and decided it would be unsafe for the baby to make the trip. I was devastated and then I just accepted that my brother and I are not close and will never be. I wish it could be like the movies and tv portray happy families, but in my reality it’s not that way.

Once I was able to come to this conclusion, I’m in a much happier place. It still makes me sad that he won’t be there, but I can’t be responsible for his choices.

Feel what you feel, get it out of your system, and you’ll feel better soon. * MORE HUGS *

Post # 8
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s amazing how much these steps can apply to life situations in addition to death. You can’t change your sis to be more loving and kind, but you can create boundaries that make your interactions more healthy. Hang in there…you can flow back and forth through the steps, and eventually you’ll get to ‘acceptance.’

On a happier note, your wedding is coming up soon, yay!

Post # 9
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I was there too…

My sister is the same, all about her, and when she is not the center of attention, she does something to make herself that.  She decided she couldnt attend my wedding on 12.31 because she couldnt find a babysitter 6 months ahead of time.  Then Easter Sunday shows up with frozen vegetables (that was her contribution to a 20 person dinner), and the next day proceeds to send me a nasty note about how she isnt comfortable in my house because I expected the kids to eat at the table, not scream/run/put shoes on the couch in the house and pick up the toys in my stepdaughter’s room. 

I think in the majority of cases, they are jealous and/or feeling inadequate so they have to make themselves feel better by being mean to others.  Or, as an alternative, they just have their heads up their you know what and have no regard for anyone on the planet other than themselves. 

Either way, I’ve decided that my sister isn’t worth my energy.  And so I have also done a bit of grieving. I keep thinking about when we were closer – but it turns out it was when I was in a bad marriage and then going through a horrible divorce.  But now that I am blissfully remarried to a fabulous guy, have a great job, just bought a house and over all in a great place, she is back to her wicked ways. 

So good luck, have a wonderful wedding and dont waste any energy on this anymore. 

 

Post # 13
Member
7412 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I can totally relate. My oldest sister and I used to have a horrible relationship for a number of issues. Things didn’t turn around for me until I started adjusting my expectations. I had to stop wishing things would be different and accept that the way she is will never change. I learned to limit my exposure to her foolishness. It took a lot of years and I’ve stumbled tons many times thru this process. We get along better now because I know when to pull away when needed. If she calls me too much to argue about nonsense, simple, staight to voice mail she goes. Why should I pretend that arguing with her is going to make her finally see my way?

I know her patterns and more importantly accept that she has every right to continue to be herself, regardless of how dysfunctional I think she is. She doesn’t have to do anything to make me feel better because she’s proven herself time and time again to self centered. I have alot less stress since walking on this new path.

Post # 15
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@fauxtoegraft: I completely understand. My sister and I are 2 years apart and growing up, we had an extremely tight bond. I actually wrote a post about it last week, but about a year and a half ago we had a really stupid argument (about stationary!!) and she won’t speak to me or my fiance. I have reached out to her several times and each time I am met with a diferent reaction.

I recently got engaged and even though I am SO happy, I am also really sad. I never imagined planning my wedding without my sister and its breaking my heart. I feel like I am grieving my sister, and she lives 30 minutes away.

I dont have any advice for you, but I do understand. Good luck!!

The topic ‘My Vent’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors