(Closed) My venue is asking me to change my plans to help another bride wwyd?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Would you help?
    Yes I would even it meant that I would have to decorate the morning of : (7 votes)
    9 %
    Maybe if we could choose similar decorations and spilt the cost : (13 votes)
    16 %
    No, I paid my deposit first it is my room : (59 votes)
    75 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1473 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    You had it first. Do what YOU need to do. You had this place booked since APRIL! Also, if you have to set up most of the decorations yourself, that’s already a tad stressful why add more stress for someone else? I know that sounds kind of selfish but you have to think about your mindset the day of. I know it sucks and you feel bad, but I wouldn’t do it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Since it’s just ceremony decor (I didn’t have too much), I think I would if it meant that she would split costs.  But it would make me nervous in the way that what if she wants completely different colors?  Or style?  Cuould you decorate the space after her ceremony?

    I think it’s really up to you and I say both.  If you can do it, do it.  If you don’t want to then don’t feel bad about not sharing.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I think I would find out more information from her? If by some chance she wants the same colors/style and it wouldn’t put you out so much to accomodate her (and could even make the wedding look better if she is willing to add her decor costs onto what you were already planning!) then I would go for it.

    But honestly that seems like it would take a wierd coincidence. You were organized and planned ahead. I don’t think it’s fair that you should be guilted into changing your vision to accomodate someone else! So I would say don’t change your plans but if she can fit into them then fine?

    On a side note, I think it is in poor taste to put you in this position. Most venues would just say sorry it’s already booked for that day and these are the ones we have left available wouldn’t they??

    Post # 6
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    It kind of sounds like the venue is trying to squeeze as much into the day as possible (read: $$).  I would check your contract… do you only have it for the rehearsal hour and then all day Sunday?  Can you get family members to help you the morning of since you’ve already put a bit of effort into the decorations?

    Post # 7
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    as much as i would like to be nice to the other person, fact is you want to set up the afternoon before the wedding so you can relax and enjoy – you wont be able to do this if you have to run around like a crazy person the day of your wedding setting up

    i think this is a case of to help someone else out you are inconveniencing yourself – so i voted no, you are not being a bitch by putting your own emotional well being first

    Post # 8
    Member
    3166 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    i agree with PP that it’s really crappy that the venue is putting you in this situation – it sounds like they’re just looking for the $$. do what you need to do and don’t feel pressured to accomodate someone else. it would be nice, sure, but also weddings are stressful enough and you want all the time to set up at the venue that you can! especially since your wedding would be 2nd, who knows what might happen to the decor that you helped pay for between hers and yours. a kid might have a tantrum and run around ripping it all up and then you’d be SOL!

    Post # 9
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Honestly I plan on setting up the day before too and if I couldnt I would have a massive cow!!!! The venue is trying to change my plans??

    Heck no. Be polite, but firm. You have planned this for some time now. Y make it worse and stressful for you? Tell them no thank you. Y cant the other bride pick a different day?? Thats just weird. Like one of the other pp said, y would the venue even suggest it to u and the other bride if that date was already taken??

    They are trying to acommadate another bride by changing plans of another bride. Very unprofessional.

    Say no. DOnt make your setting up harder and more difficult for you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

     

    @elliestan:

    2nd, who knows what might happen to the decor that you helped pay for between hers and yours. a kid might have a tantrum and run around ripping it all up and then you’d be SOL!

    I never even thought of that. But so true! Who knows what will happen at the other wedding with the deco!

    Post # 11
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    If you get the whole weekend as part of your contract, then you definitely shouldn’t feel like you have to accommodate the other bride.  She does have time to find a new place, and you booked way back in April.

    I guess I am kind of surprised that you are the only one that can have access all day Saturday and Sunday.  At my venue, there is one wedding per day (and they are booked almost every Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Holiday Monday), although we are able to have the rehearsal onsite the day before (hours before the wedding that evening). 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Ok I might do it if: I got to know the other bride a little. If she was willing to chip in significantly on the decor and was excited about my vision. I would make a few extra decorations to replace any that might be damaged and I would ask that someone her Maid/Matron of Honor, MOB set up anything I needed set up after her wedding. I would have to meet these people and trust them.  I think it might be fun to have someone to work on DIY’s with and share costs with. (More money for honeymoon!) Of course you would have to like the other bride but hey anything is possible! JMO

    Post # 13
    Member
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I know that if I was the other bride I’ll be mad, but you booked it for a reason and although sharing decorations might be a nice idea I wouldn’t trust someone I don’t know. That’s the reason you booked the room that day. Are they at least giving you a huge discount?

    Post # 14
    Member
    715 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would ask the vendor if you could discuss it with her before you decide. Personally, I would try to help if I could, maybe her parents got married there or something and she REALLY wants that place, I say just talk to her and find out some more information before you decide, and maybe see what you could do to help her and yourself out, maybe she will help with all the flowers or something…

    Post # 16
    Member
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Say yes, if the venue will do the decorating for you. (Or to hire someone for you.) It’s not worth stressing on the decorations the day of your wedding.

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