My very abusive ex bf got engaged and people are congratulating him…

posted 2 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I thought your story sounded familiar, so I went back and realized I said the same thing to you two months ago: DELETE HIM OFF FB.

You’re letting him into your head space and your thoughts: he has no right to be there. If these mutual “friends” wouldn’t be supportive or believe you, they aren’t your friends either. Delete them too.

You’re letting yourself be a part of his life when you don’t have to. He’s moved on, it’s time to delete him and try to move on with your life. Seeing what he’s doing isn’t helping you to do that.

Post # 3
Member
4857 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Why do you know anything about him at all? Why is he not purged from your life?

Post # 6
Member
5722 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Delete him and move on.

You are MARRIED and have still made two huge posts about him in so many months, having contact with him on facebook is clearly not good for you. 

Post # 7
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Delete and block. Delete and block.

Honestly, the excuse of “I just never got around to deleting him” is a cop out. You haven’t deleted him because you don’t want to. You want to be able to FB stalk him or whatever (and I get it!) but you need to stop. You can unfollow those “mutual” friends of yours too. Out of sight, out of mind.

Post # 8
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

 For some reason I couldn’t edit my last comment but, since you asked: I AM ALSO A VICTIM OF ABUSE. My advice is still the same. 

Post # 9
Member
4057 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

somethingblue222 :  I’m not judging. I’m telling you that you need to take care of yourself, and that means purging him from your life and your social media. That’s not judgement. He does  not deserve a place in your head, and seeing him on social  media is giving him that. If it’s through mutual friends you need to block him, or unfriend them.

It’s not fair, but it’s what would be best for your mental health, and ability to try to move on.

Post # 10
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

Why did you want him to move in with you and to marry him? Sounds like all of the other stuff had happened, and then him not committing to you was the last straw that made you leave.

I would venture to say that you are not over it, and you are hurt that he has moved on.

Post # 11
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

It seriously sucks that you are still dealing with this but everyone told you two months ago that you needed to delete him from your social media accounts. You haven’t. That doesn’t sound like someone who is happily married and over their previous relationship to me. As unfortunate as it is, it’s a possibility that he has never abused his fiancé. His unwillingness to make a commitment to you and his continuous string of manipulation points to the fact that he may not have loved you like he loves her. People do crazy things when they find the love of their life. I would not message her and “warn” her about anything. If she is marrying the guy she either already knows or he just isn’t abusive to her. Those people are not your friends. It’s time to delete all of them and move on with your own life. His life is none of your concern anymore. 

ETA: Since you think everyone is judging you, my ex was also abisive. Nothing got physical but he was emotionally abusive to me for over a year of my life. He was manipulative, he isolated me from all of my friends, he was controlling, and just God awful in general. When I finally had enough I blocked him, all of his friends, and his entire family on all of my social media accounts. It was strictly no contact that allowed me to move on with my life and find my Fiance. 

Post # 12
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Delete and block him. Ignore any posts about him. By still focusing on this, he still has power over you. As a victim of abuse, I can tell you from experience, pressing delete is a very liberating experience

Post # 13
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee

Everyone so far has given you good advice that you don’t want to take.

Perhaps you should consider counseling to deal with the break up and abuse bc it sounds like you cannot move forward on your own despite being “happily” married.

Post # 15
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

somethingblue222 :  Delete him, block him and move on. He is no longer your issue or problem. Why are you still harping on this guy?  You’ve already married a good man that you says treats you well? Why dwell on the past, especially an abusive ex. Delete the people that you thought were your friends that are friends with him. They are not your firends. If you told them or even hinting to abuse and they didn’t even bat an eye or believe you they are not for you.  You are torturing yourself. I think you should get some therapy if this is triggering something within you. Take care of yourself.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors