(Closed) My Very First Bridal Meltdown– please talk me off this ledge

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

He’ll propose.  If he doesn’t, what will you do?

Post # 6
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m also sure he will propose the next time you see him. However, depending on the guy he is, he may wish to do it “when you’re not expecting it”, so if it’s not this time, I’d assume he has something planned.

Here’s an idea though, since you already have his ‘man’gagement ring, would it be ok if YOU proposed to HIM?

Also re: are we engaged? The engagement is the question, not the ring. If at ANY point in the conversation he said, “do you want to marry me” and your answer was “Hell yes” the engagement has happened. With or without the ring.

 

Just my two cents.

Post # 7
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I view engagement as a joint decision. You decided to be engaged and now comes the horse and pony show. The show is important to your Fiance, so it will happen. As far as the ring, he may know your size, he may guess and you’ll get it resized, or you may get one together. Don’t stress, it will happen.

FWIW, my Fiance and I decided to get engaged about two months before I got the ring. I knew it was coming during a two week window (a trip). It happened 10 days in on my FI’s terms. It was great, special, and romantic, but I felt the difference in our relationship happened when we decided to get married 7 weeks before.

Post # 8
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is this an internal fear or has he indicated in some way that the proposal may not happen next month? If internal, you need to get out of your own head, girl! If he gave you a reason then I think you need to have a conversation with him. If this is the case, just ask him what his plan is? You also need a plan for if he doesn’t propose. Hopefully you haven’t put any money down anywhere. This is why I don’t think it’s always the best idea to plan before you have the ring.

Post # 9
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Overjoyed:  It will all be ok. Just take a deep breath. You are not a nut job! Your situation is unique but I think its sweet that he wants to do the traditional bended knee proposal. If he has bought a ring and it doesn’t fit, get it sized. You will be ok. 

Post # 10
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

What do you mean by a “whirlwind romance”? Have long have the two of you been together? How much actual time have you spent together?

It sounds like he’ll definitely propose the next time you see each other. But, if I were you, I’d definitely throw some hints out there to see what kind of reaction you get.

See, this is the problem with “whirlwinds”. It’s hard to feel sure if it’s been a short amount of time. My SO and I decided we’d be married a few weeks into our relationship, so I’m not judging, just saying.

Post # 11
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You are definitely not nuts, but I think it’s completely natural to be a bit anxious.

I have to say I have been in this situation before, and it’s a good thing we didn’t put money down because we didn’t end up officially engaged or married. My current fiance and I also knew pretty early on, but I was a bit of a skeptic because I’ve had at least 3 men claim to be serious about marriage and even starting some wedding planning, and when it came down to actually giving the ring, it didn’t happen. Every couple is different, but I do know that if he is serious, it is important for men to officially ‘ask’ you to marry him in his own way.

If I were you, I would hold off on putting money down or signing contracts. Perfectly fine to start looking or even visiting vendors, etc, but I would wait until you both determine whether or not it is official. And since you said he thinks officially asking is important, it may be that he doesn’t view you two as officially engaged until he does. You should ask him. Once you determine whether or not you are ‘official’, you may have a better sense of how to move forward.

I wish you all the best!

Post # 12
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

If you have agreed to get married then you are engaged. If you’ve picked a date then just keep on planning. The ring will come when he gets around to it if he is anything like my Fh. 

Post # 13
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

I would want NOT to make a downpayment on any expensive wedding thing before he does his proposal, only because it seems from your description that HE may see that as the REAL thing.

Now, I might reconsider if, when he next comes to visit you, you take him along to venue and have him make the downpayment on the venue. At that point he is making a financial committment, and I would relax about the ring/proposal.

But I also would be talking to him regularly in this way: You know that we set next September as our wedding date and that means that we need to commit to a venue by x date–are you sure that you want to proceed on that date? I am interviewing caterers and I will need to sign a contact by Feb. Are you still on board with the September date? 

Keep checking in with him. Give him an out.

But if you gut continues to be quesy, put the brakes on all wedding planning and focus, instead, on the man he is and your relatiopnship with him.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

I’d stop all wedding planning until an actual proposal happens. Unfortunately, I have also been in the situation where a guy will seemingly say and do anything related to getting married to get me to stay. Except, of course, propose and get married. It’s pretty amazing how many men there are out there who do this. It’s a phenomenon I’ve only noticed since I’ve been in my 30’s and really wanting marriage.

Post # 16
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Overjoyed:  I would just give him the heads up that you won’t book a venue until it’s official and that depending on his timing, you guys may need to push your date out a bit. just keep it positive and let him know you’re excited too. It sounds like you’ll be engaged soon!

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