(Closed) ignore

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
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  • Post # 3
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    From just a quick read-through, there are a couple things I’d consider adjusting…

    Promising to keep things “sexy” might be a little off-putting to guests. You might considering using a more subtle word for it, or even changing that line all together. 

    I would also consider changing this line a bit “but I know that even when I hate you, I will love you with all of my heart.” Maybe “but even when you drive me crazy…” or “even when we argue…” Hate seems a little harsh and it seems to put a damper on the lighthearted feel of your vows.

    I like a lot of the personal details you’ve included – I think you have a really good start!

    One other thought (though I’m not sure if it would turn out better or worse) is to change the order – as it is now, you start with a lot about what he does for you and then at the end switch to what you promise/will do for him. I would consider switching on and off…like something he does for you. something you do for him. something he does for you. something you do for him….and continue to switch back and forth – as it is now, I started to wonder what exactly you were vowing since you were describing leaving gross dishes for him and making him the household exterminator (once I got to the end, I definitely get your promises to him, but I think switching back and forth might make for a better feeling of balance.)

    One last thing about this line “I don’t hope for this day to be the best of my life.” I might expand a little more as in I don’t hope for this day to be the best of my life because I have so many days to look forward to spending with you. Just a little something more to explain such a bold statement (since very few brides have ever uttered those words 😉

    Well, hopefully my thoughts are helpful – I can’t wait to see your next draft/final draft!

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