(Closed) My VP Made Me Feel Like Shit! :(

posted 7 years ago in Career
  • poll: What should I do about my VP?
    Let it go - don't want to create bad blood while looking for another job within the company. : (29 votes)
    69 %
    Talk to HR - he was 100% out of line and HR should know about it. : (8 votes)
    19 %
    Other - please explain below. : (5 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    660 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    That totally sucks that he made the comment in front of everyone.  You did the right thing by setting the record straight and defending yourself.  Hopefully your co-workers will understand that.  It only makes him look liike an ASS. 

    Aside from that, I don’t think there’s anything else you can do.

    But congrats on the approval!

    Post # 4
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010


    I think he probably just thought he was being “hip” and “down with the kids” by using profanity, but it was still completely inappropriate and a total misrepresentation of what you expressed to your supervisor.

    If you think you can strike the right tone – firm, but not aggressive – I’d send him an e-mail and cc your direct supervisor indicating that there seems to have been some miscommunication regarding your concerns, and that you would appreciate it if discussions on the matter be kept private.  That you value your position and the company, and wouldn’t want confusion to affect morale or relationships with co-workers, etc.

    ETA:  The above assumes he doesn’t have the ability to keep you out of the position you want.  If he might screw things up for you then, crucifying as it might be, I’d keep mum on the irritation.

    Post # 5
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    You are way over reacting. Going to HR about a VP will just hurt you. mostly because he didn’t really do anything wrong. HR will have to tell him about it. Then everyone will know you’re just the whiny complainer that runs to HR.

    Women don’t make it in business because they take everything to personal and let their feelings get in the way. A man would never go to HR unless it was something major. He would work his ass off to get what he wanted and to be recognized and cares less about what others are doing and saying. You want to be on the good list of VP’s not on the “she went to HR once because I said the word shit” list.

    EDIT: No one will even think twice about you wanting to make a move in the company in a bad light and I don’t even think that he meant it that way. However, you will create bad blood if you bring it up.

    Post # 6
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Woah, I would be talking to SOMEONE if I were you!

    Even if it’s just talking to him, he needs to respect that while you may not find your job to be intellectually stimulating to you, you still take pride in doing good work. He also doesn’t need to use that kind of language (especially not in a context that infers that it was something someone else said!) in a professional environment. OR to be making agist statements like that.

    Frankly, if this happened to me, I’d be PISSED. In fact, I’m a little pissed for your sake!

    Post # 8
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010



    Agree that going to HR would be a mistake, but the whole “Women are too sensitive and this makes them bad at business thing!” is just tired.

    KMM clearly works hard and does a good job: the CEO of her company just publicly recognized her for exemplary performance.  That is, she’as already doing everything you mention.  Or didn’t you read that part? 

    She’s entitled to have conversations held in confidence and not have her business discussed in public in a way that hurt her reputation as an employee and completely misrepresents her position.

    Post # 9
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @teaadntoast: I never said she didn’t do a good job. Didn’t even bring her performance up at all.

    You can say it’s tired, but I am an executive for a large global company. In fact this is currently the second employer of this nature in which I have been employed. I am the only female VP in the US and one of 3 worldwide. There are 72 men in which hold these titles. In my short tenure with this company I have watched them terminate 2 other women that held the position. One because she wouldn’t stop gossiping and another who was a known “tattler” and company trouble maker.  There’s something to be said about women bringing the drama to the table wether or not you want to acknoweldge it. 

    Behind closed doors all managers talk about all of their employees. HR also participates. There is no such thing as confidential unless it involves your health, and as a cancer survivor, I can tell you that the president of my previous company came to me to discuss my illness when I thought it would stay with HR until I was ready to discuss it. Nothing is sacred.


    Post # 10
    1890 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    As much as it sucks, I wouldn’t say anything to HR.  Hopefully you can move somewhere else soon, and you won’t have to deal with this jerk any more.

    Post # 11
    38 posts
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Completely inappropriate! Talk about a man who doesn’t have a clue about work privacy isues and one who is clearly in need of some diversity training. It would appear he is not exactly up on the four generations in the workforce and has some clear prejudices about how people younger than him view work. He obviously took your comments to your boss as a complaint; you didn’t think the job was good enough for you. When in reality you were saying, I want something more challenging that suits my interests. Yikes! Sounds like a creep and a potential lawsuit waiting to happen.


    Unfortunately, by not doing anything you allow this kind of bullying verbal behavior to continue. The reality is he is unlikely to change unless he is made aware of how this behavior is viewed. The good old boy network and such is likely protecting him from these inappropriate comments. I suppose you’re lucky he didn’t say, “well, your just getting married so it doesn’t matter anyway, you’ll be gone and pregnant in no time. Just like a girl should be.” His comments are that misguided. Apparently making abusive comments to employees is his way of motivating them; might have worked with older generations who did not have the same beliefs but for younger workers that behavior does not cut it.


    So where does that leave you? If it was a large enough company you could disppear and never have to work around the creep and eventually he’d leave. I am not getting that sense; instead it seems like he was trying to dimenish you in front of your co-workers and also make you uncomfortable for speaking about a change. Perhaps he views the job you are angling for as something that requires more experience and one that is a reward for longer employment. He may be unable to accurately express himself thinking that by doing this exceptional task, you must have found your job more enjoyable.


    Without mentioning the situation, I’d make time to re-visit the director and see where you might find alternatives in June. You could schedule an update meeting, requesting a review of your current status, projects, work and accomplishments. With this person’s assistance seek out informational interviews with others and see what happens. In this economy, you may find staying in your current job the best solution even if it is barely tolerable with this VP.


    In the meantime, I’d avoid the VP and wait for the employee survey to be taken; clear comments about management style are usually taken seriously if expressed in a constructive manner.


    Don’t let him get you down; he’s a dinosaur who doesn’t relate well to others. Good Luck.



    Post # 12
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I’d probably let it go. He was most likely trying to attempt a misguided joke. Maybe even paying you a weird-ish compliment for doing well. Of course I wasn’t there and only know what you’re saying, but if your ultimate goal is to move onward and upward, you have to be able to brush things like this off.

    Should he have said it? Eh, probably not. But In My Humble Opinion it doesn’t warrant making an issue out of. 

    Post # 13
    3613 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    He was probably trying to be funny and come across as cool. It is even possible he came from a similar position and found it boring as shit once. He didn’t reprimand you or say anything that reflects poorly on your performance. In fact you said he was congratulating you. Unless you find he’s obstructing other opportunities for you (which I highly doubt) I would just let it go.

    Post # 14
    891 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    i think taking any further actions will just make you look guilty and give him confirmation that his comments struck home with you.  you and your supervisor know exactly how you feel and he was just being an ass.  let it go.   you stood your ground just fine when he made that comment (that was brave of you to say that, congrats) and him walking away and snickering with a lame comment just makes him look like the asshole. that’s a nice way to end things (him looking/acting like an asshole).

    i also agree with some other posts about him possibly just trying to be cool with you.  so many older men in the work place are like that, it’s so childish and transparent.  so that could have been it too and it just caught you off guard and made you feel threatened because that IS how you feel (in the privacy of your own mind and with Darling Husband and family).

    Post # 15
    870 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Maybe it’s just me and my workplace, but I don’t find this to be a big deal, and I definitely wouldn’t tell anyone about it. (I work in a male dominated industry and it would probably look like whining.)

    Clearly you DO think the work is “boring as shit” even if you didn’t use as many words to say so to your supervisor. My guess is that if YOU think this, you’re not the first. Probably the position is known to be kind of boring and no one is surprised by you wanting to move. And if it’s anything like my work we’ll joke about the crappy jobs people have to do (not the employees, but some of the tasks are mind-numbing and are generally given to younger employees who then grow out of them) so he may have already been doing that with other higher ups. 

    If it were me I just would have joked back to him to let him, and everyone else know in that no I didn’t say it in those words, but yes I’m ready to move on. 

    Post # 16
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Let it go, but only because I think he didn’t mean it in the way that you think he did.

    The topic ‘My VP Made Me Feel Like Shit! :(’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors