(Closed) My waiting deadline is ticking closer and closer…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I say try to enjoy your anniversary, and look at Mr. Bee’s plan for waiting women.  If he gets cold feet again this weekend, then you need to decide if you want to stick to yor guns and make him take your comment about moving out seriously (I know that is a hard one – I’ve been living with my SO for far longer).  He might have something planned, and if it’s a surprise, which seems important to most men that the proposalhave SOME element of surprise, then of course he won’t tell you he’s planning it or even mention it’s your 6th anniversay.  Give him the gift ON the trip, possibly on the beach – it’ll give you soemthing to plan for, too, and it might help give him an opening to get on that knee if he’s nervous or shy and not sure how to go about actually doing it.  And if he still doesn’t:

Look at your SO and his actions over the last few years/months – has he been acting “older”, more like he’s receptive to the idea of marriage on his own as something he wants?  Or does it seem like he tolerates talks about it to keep you “happy”? 

If it looks like he’s been making plans with more of a future in mind, like talking about buying a house, how many kids he’d like eventually, etc., then revising your “point-of-no-return” date to the next upcoming milestone – a birthday, the next lease renewal, June 1st, whatever suits your circumstance, and try not to be too impatient.  If he’s still acting more like a 20-something-just-out-of-college guy and more worried about the fun of the moment and doesn’t think much about the future, then honeslty let him know that thinkgs aren’t heading towards the relationship you want, and while you love him, you don’t want to live without being married.  Don’t phrase it like an ultimatum.  Ultimatums are a “chase me” tactic, a bluff like in a poker game.  During your frank talk with him, tell him it’s not a “Marry me or else,” just that you’re hurt he doesn’t know or sure how he feels about you and your future, and you don’t want that hurt to be the main feeling you associate with him, so you’re moving out – the fun of living together in “pretend” marraige wear off over time, especially when real marriage isn’t forthcoming.  You can decide if you still want to be exclusive, or date others, and this isn’t really a break-up, but that it’s obvious he’d not ready to have you as his wife, and you’d rather live on your own and still date him than to “play house” indefinitely.  (Now, if only I’d followed my own advice).

Post # 4
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

He knew about my deadline; it was actually a mutually agreed-upon timeframe. When the deadline passed, I left. Picked up and moved out of the apartment. We both were devastated. He proposed; he’d been planning to (had the ring, had asked my dad, but was having last minute cold feet), and I told him I’d accept on the condition that I kept my new lease until I felt comfortable moving back in and we went to therapy.

Well, that was 7 months ago, and now we have most of our wedding planned and I’m moving back in in a month. Yeah the moving was/is a hassle, but the time spent living apart has been really great for us and our relationship. We gained some valuable perspective that we couldn’t have gotten living together, so I think it was a net positive. It also helped that we hadn’t combined finances.

If you have your deadline, and you’re set on it, then follow through IF the worst comes to pass and that’s what you want/need to do. But for now try to enjoy the weekend. I know it’s hard, but there’s no sense getting all worked up prematurely. Maybe it will happen!

ETA: welcome to the hive and feel free to PM me if you would like to talk. I know this is hard.

Post # 5
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

You should keep your word.  He heard you the first time, move out when you said you would and he will know why. 

I really do hope you get your proposal first though! 

Post # 6
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with HoyaLawya2010… stick to your guns.  You already told him what you would do when the time comes around for lease renewal, so make sure you follow through.  It will show him how important this is to you.  Though… I do hope that you get the beautiful proposal you deserve soon & don’t have to go through moving out! 

Post # 7
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

I just wanted to tell you GOOD luck this weekend and just try to enjoy your time together. I’ve been there were I was positive that “this was the moment” and then nothing happened, and it makes it so difficult to focus on the fun that you’re actually having. I don’t have any advice about whether or not you should move out if he doesn’t ask you by your deadline, but I would definitely use it as an opportunity to bring up about expectations and feelings about the future. If you truly love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, I wouldn’t think a deadline is enough to end that over. Big hugs!  

Post # 8
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

I just wanted to tell you GOOD luck this weekend and just try to enjoy your time together. I’ve been there were I was positive that “this was the moment” and then nothing happened, and it makes it so difficult to focus on the fun that you’re actually having. I don’t have any advice about whether or not you should move out if he doesn’t ask you by your deadline, but I would definitely use it as an opportunity to bring up about expectations and feelings about the future. If you truly love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, I wouldn’t think a deadline is enough to end that over. Big hugs!  

Post # 10
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

AWW congrats, your beach proposal sounds so beautiful.

Post # 11
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yay! Glad you got your proposal! Congratulations!

Post # 12
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Awww… that’s sooo sweet!  Congratulations!!  Sealed

Post # 13
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

OMG, congratulations! I’m so happy everything worked out for you! Happy planning 🙂

Post # 14
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Congrats!!

Post # 15
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you! 🙂 

Post # 16
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I got proposed to on my deadline too, LOL! CONGRATS!!

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