(Closed) My wedding costs are mine, not yours (vent)

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 3
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mariebee14:  Yes. One of my best friends has made little comments here and there about my choices. Not financially related, but like…doing the first look or whatever it’s called. That choice isn’t about the photo op for my fiance and I – it’s because we want a moment before we’re standing in front of a bunch of people, just to be together and calm ourselves down. My friend was like, “WHAT?! You’re going to see each other first?!” Then, I got the shoes I thought I was wearing, and my friend was at our apartment and I said to my fiance, “Oh, I meant to show you the shoes!” And the friend freaked out again because I was choosing to show my shoes to him. I am not traditional. My fiance is not traditional. We’re doing things our way. Why do people feel like they can make these comments? I haven’t experienced this until this wedding planning process. Is it some kind of territory with weddings? I’m 30 years old and my fiance is 33. I think we’re well aware of what we want in most situations, at this point in our lives. So frustrating! I don’t even want to get started on the $ comments, so I feel for you – that is incredibly annoying.

Post # 4
3343 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Wow.  They are complete b****es.  I spent $4850 on videography.  I shudder to think what they would have said to me.

I would ignore them from now on.  Don’t go to lunch with them.  Only talk to them if it’s classwork related and you have to work together.  Shun that negativity from your life!  You don’t need it!


Post # 5
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Haters are going to hate. 


Just because they don’t value videography doesn’t mean you can’t / shouldn’t.  You shouldn’t have to justify yourself or your spending to them.  In the future, if they bring up your wedding I’d refrain from discussing.

Post # 6
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mariebee14:  Holy crap.. you got a videographer for ONLY 1000?? That is a deal!

I know this is such a cliche, default thing to say.. But it seems like maybe the ugly green monster is rearing its head and your “friends” are a little jealous. So weird how grown ass and even married women can gang up on you like this!

As long as YOU and your fi are happy with your plans and what you’re spending, just brush your shoulders off and bask in the gloriousness of “irresponsible” wedding haha!

Post # 7
2691 posts
Sugar bee

Good for you for standing up to them.  You know what you want to spend on the wedding, and that’s all that matters.  Also, $1000 is a pretty good deal on videography.  Nice work!

I’ve definitely run into this with my FI’s family.  FI and I are paying for the entire thing, but we’ve received tons of criticism for spending what we are.  I remember telling my FMIL about the awesome photographer we booked earlier this year.  A week later, she called my FI saying that we should reconsider how much we’re spending on the photographer.  Her reason was that she only spent $100 on her photographer.  They had a courthouse wedding and took pictures in the photographer’s backyard for an hour…completely different situation than what we’re planning.  We’ve stopped discussing wedding budgets with anybody else because of that.

Post # 9
710 posts
Busy bee

It’s not an unpopular opinion that videography is an… excessive expenditure.

I understand that it hurt to hear that from peers, but it’s just one of those things. You’re comfortable with what you’re putting your money towards, and that’s all that matters. Lesson learned about who not to talk money matters with.

Post # 10
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mariebee14:  Don’t feel guilty! Those girls are OBVS not bees, because if they were, they’d have seen all of the AMAZEBALLS wedding videos posted here. I always thought they were cheesy and unneccesary.. Until the bee! I have been moved to tears by wedding videos of people I don’t even know! I can’t even imagine how it would feel to watch my own! Also, yeah, maybe people didn’t watch their wedding videos when it was on a single VHS 20 years ago. Now, when you can have it a single click away on your computer or iphone? You bet your ass wedding videos get more views these days!

Post # 11
241 posts
Helper bee

@mariebee14:  i dont even understand this logic!!! You will prob look at the video more than the pictures lol!!  That is an Amazing deal.. Id avoid those weirdos from now on.. I guarantee when they get engaged (or get a bf) they will be changing their tune

Post # 12
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

We had a ton of people say stuff like this to us. FI had his friends over one night and there was a lot of alcohol consumed and he let it slip how much my parents are giving to us towards the wedding, regardless of if we have a big fancy wedding or if we go down to city hall. One of his friends was all “OMG! I would take the money and run! That’s like what we spent on our wedding! It would be so wasteful for you to spend it on your wedding when you could use it for something else!!!” Oh so it was okay for you to spend that much on your wedding, but when it’s someone else’s money (someone whom I KNOW wants us to spend it on the big wedding and would secretly be dissapointed if we eloped), then we shouldn’t, and it’s a waste?

This is the same person who told me that I’m stupid for having real flowers because they just get thrown out after I should get fake ones because they’re cheaper and you can keep them after, that if I don’t get a used dress I’m wasting money, and that I shouldn’t spend more than $1,000 on a photographer (we’re spending 3X that amount). 

Post # 13
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mariebee14:  I dk where you from but in my area 1K is within the price range of good videographers. DONT second guess if you are getting a good deal because you are! Just wait till they start planning their wedding. Then they will realize how important photography and videography are!

Post # 14
12259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wait until they get engaged and start buying Louboutins and planning dove releases!


Post # 15
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@mariebee14:  what a bunch of little snots! First of all, they should have never asked The cost. The only exception is if they were looking around to book and wanted a general idea of the cost. 

They probably just don’t understand the price of a wedding. 

Post # 16
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ugh, so annoying!  $1000 is an AMAZING price for a videographer!  I think a lot of people have no clue how much weddings cost.  I’ve made it a policy not to discuss budget with anyone but my FI and my parents (they’re paying) in order to avoid such comments.  You have ever right to have the wedding you and your FI want and you should be totally excited about it!

My FMIL and her sister (FI’s aunt) have both basically accused me of wasting a ton of money (before we even booked anything) just for wanting to have a wedding that was anything more than a tiny backyard ceremony.  FI’s aunt didn’t just imply that I cared more about the wedding than the marriage, she flat out said it!  All because over a year ago (before FI and I were even engaged!) I made some random joke about how I’ve been planning my wedding since I was a little kid and now I just need the guy.  I forgot I had even made the joke until she brought it up after we got engaged. FI and I have been together, mostly long distance, for over 6 years.  You would think it would be obvious to anyone with half a brain that I’m not in the relationship just for a party!

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