(Closed) My wedding dates conflict with a cousin exam schedule causing drama

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You are never going to pick a day that suits every single person you invite. They are being super dramatic about it, I would just go ahead with the date you picked, you know, for your own wedding. 

Post # 3
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

People are selfish. It’s part of their personality.  Never apologize, but express your disappointment. They can’t attend your wedding because education is important that’s fair.  And you can’t move your wedding date cause it’s important to you and it’s already settled, that’s also fair. 

Understand that they are disappointed so they speak in these tones.  And you are equally resentful.  Bottom line: they want to attend and you want them to attend.  both you and your extended family are mourning THE SAME THING. 

🙂 apologize they cannot attend, let them know they will be missed but still loved.  Send them a lovely favor rom your wedding and a note saying “We love you guys!”  Hopefully the rift will not be too much but life is full of compromises.

Post # 4
27 posts

Why can’t your aunt and uncle attend? They aren’t the ones in school, correct? If your cousin is in college, I assume he is an adult and can fend for himself. 

Post # 5
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
pink123:  why exactly is your cousin’s exam schedule preventing your aunt and uncle from attending your wedding?  Are they sitting for exams, too?  

Your aunt and uncle sound like trouble makers.  Consider yourself lucky.  All they can do to you is complain about your supposedly poor planning.  I’m not sure that they aren’t making up an excuse to create drama.  Imagine how manipulative and suffocating they are towards your poor cousin. 

Post # 6
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
pink123:  how old is the son (is it University/College exams)? Can they leave him at home alone for 2 days? If not, can someone stay with him for the weekend while your aunt and uncle attend the wedding?

Not your fault. sometimes people aren’t able to attend weddings, you can’t cater to everyone. I honestly wouldn’t worry about it and let them get over it on their own.

Post # 7
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Your aunt and uncle are just causing trouble, so I wouldn’t worry about them. If they want to ruin the relationship for no reason, that’s not your fault. People like that are generally not people you want in your life anyway.

One of my cousins got married during my exam period while I was in high school. So my family went off to the wedding (about 10h of driving each way, so they were probably gone 5 days) and I stayed at home and did my exams. Total non-issue.

I’m trying to remember whether another family member from the other side of the family came to keep me company during that time, but it doesn’t really matter. It certainly wouldn’t have been a consideration if I were in college.

Post # 9
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Sounds like they just want to make trouble. 

“Too bad, how sad” and move on

Post # 11
3527 posts
Sugar bee

Yup- too bad so sad.

Maybe it’s different where they are but to the best of my knowledge (and in most universities in Canada), exam schedules don’t even coume out until a month or so before exams, right? So how could you even be expected to choose a wedding date to accomodate that?

Post # 12
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
pink123:  Having to move out is different that taking finals.  I live in the US and I do understand the need for having a move out date.  My university set a firm deadline where you had to be out of your dorm the Saturday of finals week.  Most universities are not flexible with that date and they will not make exceptions, especially for something like a family wedding.  I also understand how your aunt and uncle can’t just put it on other people to help their son move out.  It’s a lot of work and a big deal (from my experience anyway).  We also knew way ahead of time when finals week was – not that we knew what finals we would have on a particular day, but we knew when the school year ended.  I completely get the frustration of your aunt and uncle.

That being said, you cannot please everyone.  I am sure you didn’t even think of your cousin when you first planned your date, and you give good reasons for wanting to get married in May with everything else going on.  Try to ignore their negativity (I know it’s hard) but there’s really not much you can do short of changing your date.

Post # 13
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
pink123: you can’t make everyone happy. thats all i have to say. if you were to try and pick a day that worked for everyone, you would make yourself nuts 

Post # 14
805 posts
Busy bee

I have to say, as someone in college, but exam days come out months and months in advance. The school already has dates and times predetermined for when the exams happen. However, I agree with you here. It seems like it’s not the exams that are an issue (personally, I think it will be a busy weekend for them and they’re just grasping at straws) because not it almost sounds as though they’re using the ‘move out date’ as an excuse. Here’s my issue with that. First, he doesn’t have to come. He also doesn’t need their help moving out, so he can’t use that as an excuse. I attend a school out of state, and I had to move INTO my dorms, apartments, etc, and move OUT without any help from parents. Is it irritating? Yes, but it can be done. I also didn’t have a car, so I had to figure out how to get my items from campus to a storage unit it. Unless this guy has no friends, he can move his stuff out by himself. Also, campuses will almost ALWAYS let you move out a week early, if you want. Why can’t he move his stuff out early, with the help of your parents, and then stay with friends/family/anyone for a couple days during exams? I know someone who did that, and it worked fine. Frankly, they’re grasping at straws. Will it be a busy week for them? Yes, but that’s life, and things are hardly ever easy going for everyone. Just tell them, “I am sorry that this has become such a huge issue. This is the date that works the best for us, and for many other wedding guest, so this is what we decided. It is too late to try and move things earlier, and we’re sorry for that. However, we understand if, due to other engagements, if you cannot make it. We understand that maybe he doesn’t want to move out a bit early, or doesn’t want to move out by himself, and we respect the decision. We will miss you on the day, and hopefully we can find a day to see you before/after we get back from the honeymoon.”

Post # 15
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
pink123:  Imagine if you had to accomodate every single guest’s schedule. It would be impossible. 

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