Post # 1
So I really need your advice my fellow wedding bees, my wedding date is on May21 and May 22 during a prime long weekend here in canada. i got engaged in June, September we had our engagement party and thereafter the wedding scouting was on high alert, we were very lucky to secure the venue because we wanted to get married as earliest as possible, i am in my late 30s, I have my birthday in July and I start a brand new job after 10 years in my current one in August. May long weekend best suits us as it is a big fat indian wedding, we need the span of two days for our ceremony,more events and enjoy our reception. My aunt and uncle who I grew up with and considered like 2nd parents are beyound upset with me since my cousin had his undergraduate exams at the end of May. we in Canada would finish our exams in late April. My other American cousins confirmed that it exams ended early to mid May. My aunt and uncle have told my 90 year old grandfather how upset they are with me! They were mad when we confirmed the dates as son as I told them in October that we secured venues and it was looking to be May long weekend, the flat out said no not possible for us to attend, their son has exams. I was like how would you know hos exam schedule prior to the firsts term being done and please see his courses for next year may have earlier exams you never know it can work out, let’s be positive here. They began to ignore my messages, told my mom I need to move up the wedding the weekend a head and that in one weekend ahead nothing would happens to our lives? We should be tat much accommodating. Anyway fast forward to 3 months, I wished my aunt a happy birthday over text and asked her if she could find it in her heart to forgive me as I did not knowingly set my date to conflict my cousin exams. She responded telling me how my uncle told my mother months ago about the exam schedule and that my mom said ultimately it is my decision and how disappointed and upset they are with me. Thoughts and how do I respond? I have appologized for something that I did not have to, I took the high road because to make them hapoy, they are upset because they were waiting for my wedding for so long and they will miss it because I wont change my date, i don’t have the luxury of that, my mom and I gad to already belittle ourselves to remind them the importance of me getting married before my birthday and my new start day for my job. Instead of being happy for me finding love and being married they are too consumed hoe this impacts them. I am heartbroken.
Post # 2
You are never going to pick a day that suits every single person you invite. They are being super dramatic about it, I would just go ahead with the date you picked, you know, for your own wedding.
Post # 3
People are selfish. It’s part of their personality. Never apologize, but express your disappointment. They can’t attend your wedding because education is important that’s fair. And you can’t move your wedding date cause it’s important to you and it’s already settled, that’s also fair.
Understand that they are disappointed so they speak in these tones. And you are equally resentful. Bottom line: they want to attend and you want them to attend. both you and your extended family are mourning THE SAME THING.
🙂 apologize they cannot attend, let them know they will be missed but still loved. Send them a lovely favor rom your wedding and a note saying “We love you guys!” Hopefully the rift will not be too much but life is full of compromises.
Post # 4
Why can’t your aunt and uncle attend? They aren’t the ones in school, correct? If your cousin is in college, I assume he is an adult and can fend for himself.
Post # 5
why exactly is your cousin’s exam schedule preventing your aunt and uncle from attending your wedding? Are they sitting for exams, too?
Your aunt and uncle sound like trouble makers. Consider yourself lucky. All they can do to you is complain about your supposedly poor planning. I’m not sure that they aren’t making up an excuse to create drama. Imagine how manipulative and suffocating they are towards your poor cousin.
Post # 6
how old is the son (is it University/College exams)? Can they leave him at home alone for 2 days? If not, can someone stay with him for the weekend while your aunt and uncle attend the wedding?
Not your fault. sometimes people aren’t able to attend weddings, you can’t cater to everyone. I honestly wouldn’t worry about it and let them get over it on their own.
Post # 7
Your aunt and uncle are just causing trouble, so I wouldn’t worry about them. If they want to ruin the relationship for no reason, that’s not your fault. People like that are generally not people you want in your life anyway.
One of my cousins got married during my exam period while I was in high school. So my family went off to the wedding (about 10h of driving each way, so they were probably gone 5 days) and I stayed at home and did my exams. Total non-issue.
I’m trying to remember whether another family member from the other side of the family came to keep me company during that time, but it doesn’t really matter. It certainly wouldn’t have been a consideration if I were in college.
Post # 8
Thank you , I agree, we know what would work best for us and this is the weekend we were meant to be married.
Post # 9
Sounds like they just want to make trouble.
“Too bad, how sad” and move on
Post # 10
My cousin in 21 years old, he is in university/college in San Francisco, my aunt’s sister resides in the same city, my aunt and uncle resides in LA. They are using the excuse that he has to leave his dorm and will need to move out during that weekend. They have been given notice since October 2015 and they know they need to be in Toronto for the wedding on May 21, May 22, could they not make arrangements with my aunts sister or even the university to move out on a different weekend, or my aunt or uncle can attend alone to represent the family and if one of them attend then they can leave after the ceremony on the Saturday if they have to be back to hold my cousin’s hand. I never pushed them on coming since I know education is important and if they want to be there for me they will, my mom’s sister and my mom and grandfather requested that I really plead with them to see if they can attend as they want me to beg them. I put my feeling aside, no Brideto be special privilege here and me pouring out my heart to my aunt did not make her change they way they feel.
I know my parent’s would not even give it a second thought if I had exams and they had to attend his wedding if the roles were reversed.
Thank you ladies for your input, I very much appreaciate your comments, it is helping.
Post # 11
Yup- too bad so sad.
Maybe it’s different where they are but to the best of my knowledge (and in most universities in Canada), exam schedules don’t even coume out until a month or so before exams, right? So how could you even be expected to choose a wedding date to accomodate that?
Post # 12
Having to move out is different that taking finals. I live in the US and I do understand the need for having a move out date. My university set a firm deadline where you had to be out of your dorm the Saturday of finals week. Most universities are not flexible with that date and they will not make exceptions, especially for something like a family wedding. I also understand how your aunt and uncle can’t just put it on other people to help their son move out. It’s a lot of work and a big deal (from my experience anyway). We also knew way ahead of time when finals week was – not that we knew what finals we would have on a particular day, but we knew when the school year ended. I completely get the frustration of your aunt and uncle.
That being said, you cannot please everyone. I am sure you didn’t even think of your cousin when you first planned your date, and you give good reasons for wanting to get married in May with everything else going on. Try to ignore their negativity (I know it’s hard) but there’s really not much you can do short of changing your date.
Post # 13
you can’t make everyone happy. thats all i have to say. if you were to try and pick a day that worked for everyone, you would make yourself nuts
Post # 14
I have to say, as someone in college, but exam days come out months and months in advance. The school already has dates and times predetermined for when the exams happen. However, I agree with you here. It seems like it’s not the exams that are an issue (personally, I think it will be a busy weekend for them and they’re just grasping at straws) because not it almost sounds as though they’re using the ‘move out date’ as an excuse. Here’s my issue with that. First, he doesn’t have to come. He also doesn’t need their help moving out, so he can’t use that as an excuse. I attend a school out of state, and I had to move INTO my dorms, apartments, etc, and move OUT without any help from parents. Is it irritating? Yes, but it can be done. I also didn’t have a car, so I had to figure out how to get my items from campus to a storage unit it. Unless this guy has no friends, he can move his stuff out by himself. Also, campuses will almost ALWAYS let you move out a week early, if you want. Why can’t he move his stuff out early, with the help of your parents, and then stay with friends/family/anyone for a couple days during exams? I know someone who did that, and it worked fine. Frankly, they’re grasping at straws. Will it be a busy week for them? Yes, but that’s life, and things are hardly ever easy going for everyone. Just tell them, “I am sorry that this has become such a huge issue. This is the date that works the best for us, and for many other wedding guest, so this is what we decided. It is too late to try and move things earlier, and we’re sorry for that. However, we understand if, due to other engagements, if you cannot make it. We understand that maybe he doesn’t want to move out a bit early, or doesn’t want to move out by himself, and we respect the decision. We will miss you on the day, and hopefully we can find a day to see you before/after we get back from the honeymoon.”
Post # 15
Imagine if you had to accomodate every single guest’s schedule. It would be impossible.