(Closed) My wedding dates conflict with a cousin exam schedule causing drama

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My parents once abandoned me during move-out weekend at my university.  I ended up having to carry all my belongings down 8 flights of stairs on my own, and then making the 4 hour trip home 3 times in my old ford taurus.  I did it, but it sucked.  One trip with my mom’s minivan would have probably done the trick, but oh well.  So I can understand why your aunt and uncle are choosing not to come.  (Although they could consider moving all his stuff out the weekend before, and just leaving the essentials for his last week of exams.)  You are not required to check your wedding date with anyone outside of immediate family and maybe wedding party members.  I called my parents, in-laws, and our siblings prior to setting our date.  That’s it.  Some people can’t come.  No big deal.  There should not be hard feelings either way.  My cousin couldn’t come to my wedding because she took a second honeymoon that weekend.  Such is life.  I am kind of shocked that your aunt and uncle are so devastated about the schedule conflict.  Either you must be really really close with them or they are narcissistic jerks.

Post # 17
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

At my son’s university here in the US he HAS to move out of his dorm the same weekend as final exams.  As soon as his last exam is finished he can start moving out but he MUST be out by that Saturday.  He is 500 miles from home so that is a fairly big undertaking.

While you should choose the date that works for you the information that he has to move out gives their argument of not being able to attend some credence.  It’s not just the exams, he also has to move.  That is a much bigger challenge for them than just exams.

If my son were doing mid-term exams and you invited me to your wedding that week, it wouldn’t be a problem.  If you invited me the weekend he has to move out I would have to decline.

Post # 18
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
ClaudiaKishi:  At my college, in the US, our whole semester is planned out and our exam dates are in the syllabus.

But exams where I’m from (I thought it was the same everywhere) end on May 8th, I think. I take online classes so I don’t know how professors are in class, but I have a whole weekend to arrange mine. 

Either way though, they’re being over dramatic. They could definitely come without your cousin. I vote you keep your date how it is. After all, it’s YOUR date.

Post # 19
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I can understand that moving out is a bit more of an issue than taking exams, but it’s still something that they should be able to work around if they really have to.

They could go up to SF a week in advance to help pack up most of his stuff; he could survive with just a couple of suitcases for the last week, and then go stay with his aunt for a night or two. Or whatever. There are a million options that don’t require you planning your wedding around his move-out date.

I do think you could take their concerns a bit more seriously, though. It sounds like you were really skeptical and just ignored what they said initially, because you didn’t believe he could know his exam dates in advance. But the move-out date would certainly have been known in advance. It’s obviously too late for a do-over now, but I wonder if the situation could have gone differently if you had said something like, “I’m really sorry, but this is the only date that works for us and I hope you can make it there somehow,” rather than just denying that they had a conflict or pretending that it might go away. I can understand why they got upset about this.

Post # 20
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

When we picked our date, my cousin goes, yeah well I’d love to be there thanks for taking me into account, i can’t come. I said, Oh? She goes, I have an exam the day before and day after. You knew that. 
Sigh. We went with the wedding date WE picked, and she came to the get togethers before and after, al though she flunked out because she said she couldnt study anyways and blames me but… 

I was in College when my other cousin got married, she got married the weekend prior to the week I had finals every day. I went. I studied before and after. Did I leave a bit early? Yeah. I needed time to really take the material in so. as PP said, thhe scheduales come months in advanced, and i just worked around it all. Studied harder, had a good day off for the wedding and went back to studying. 

Pick whatever day YOU GUYS want!

Post # 21
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

I would have been really pissed if a family expected me to work around their availability. This is your wedding. if they try real hard they might be able to come. If not, then they can’t come and have no right to be mad at you about it. I would never apologize! Even if I had known when the exams were and this was the date that worked be for Fiance and I, I would would still take that date. 

Post # 23
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
pink123:  Their son is 21. He probably has friends. There is no reason he can’t take finals or move out by himself. My parents were living in Korea so I moved in and out by myself every single year while I was in college here in the US. If a 110 lb girl can do it, I’m sure their son could do it too lol. Regarding finals…I don’t even know how parents being around helps. Their son lives in a dorm…I’m so confused haha. It’s understandable if they’d like to stay behind and help their son, but I don’t think it’s a legitimate reason for them to make such a big deal about it. If anything, I think you have the right to be upset about them not attending your wedding.

Post # 24
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
pink123:  OMG they’re being ridiculous. And I’m sorry, but even some of the replies that say they understand your aunt and uncle’s frustration – what? He’s a grown ass man. He can vote, go to war, and live on his own. Many people have children of their own at 21. If he can’t wait down a few flights of stairs and move out of his own apartment without mommy and daddy’s help … just, wow. 

Your aunt and uncle sound like they’re just nutso. Sorry that the date doesn’t work for them. As another poster said: Too bad, so sad. Move on.

Sorry you have do deal with crazy people while planning your wedding OP. We definitely all had family members like that, I can assure you. You’ll get past it. Good luck!

ETA: I totally forgot about his finals! Unless his parents are taking the finals for him (I wouldn’t put it past them), then there’s no reason for them to be around distracting him. Leave him alone to take a school exam, and live your own life aunt and uncle! 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by Soon2bmrs1.
Post # 26
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

It’s impossible to accommodate everyone, and it’s very selfish of them to be upset. If they want to be there so bad, they can come without him. I’m not sure what him having to move out has to do with them not being able to make the wedding. Our lives didn’t stop when I moved out, or either of my other sisters did. 3 of us moved out, each at different times, and my family managed to get on with their lives during those moves, so that makes me think they’re trying to come up with an excuse. 

Post # 27
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m calling B.S. on everyone who says, “But a college kid can’t move on their own!” I went to college 1200 miles from my family and my parents ONLY came for move-in my freshman year. Somehow I survived.  

Most colleges finish up in early-mid May for the year, so I’m a bit surprised that someone has exams that late.  If I recall, the California public universities are on the trimester system and go late. A few other schools do too.  

In any case, you can’t please everyone and there’s no way you could find a date that would work for every single potential guest.  You check with your VIPs – which in my case were my parents, my sister, and my FI’s parents – and let everyone else figure it out.

Post # 28
Member
7658 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
pink123:  actually, they probably did know his exam period that far in advance. My university has exam weeks scheduled five years in advance. Obviously your exams could be at any point during that week so you don’t know the exact days but you do know what week they will fall on. It’s also unlikely that the university would negotiate the move out date unless he could move out earlier.

Anyways, you can’t make everyone happy with your date. It sounds like you have taken the high road here and continued to be nice to them even though they are being demanding. At this point, I would not even being it up anymore. Send them the invite and if they RSVP no, it’s their loss.

Post # 29
Member
4807 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
pink123:   Have your wedding on the date you have chosen and enjoy every precious moment of the day!  The people who want to be there, will be there!  

As far as moving out after exams – I did that many times, I moved out most of my stuff on weekends the month ahead of exams.   After my exams I just had a couple boxes of stuff left, which made getting out easy.  He could do the same.  

Post # 30
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
pink123:  I never had to move out of a dorm the week of finals… NEVER. They give you time to finish the term. I’d be really surprised if he had to move that same week and besides, most finals are also not on any weekends. In fact, I don’t remember having any on Friday of finals week either (6 years of college). 

He’s an adult, there is no reason he couldn’t handle this and if need be, stay with his aunt there for a few days. He might even be able to get himself on a plane to your wedding when he finishes his exam, if he plans ahead (GASP!!)

Just plan your wedding for when you want it. Not everyone is going to be happy with your date but it’s YOUR wedding.

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