(Closed) My wedding dates conflict with a cousin exam schedule causing drama

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 31
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My SO always gets upset whenever we bring up his brother’s upcoming wedding because they picked a day that is highly inconvenient for us. I will have to drive 14 hours in one day. Then do the wedding. Then drive 14 hours back the next day. So not looking forward to it, but it’s my FBIL’s wedding, so I will do it. My SO has a work event that he cannot pass to someone else, so he will be attempting to fly several hours before the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. He’s the best man. 

Still, the bride and groom pick the date and should not have to accommodate everyone. People will be upset, but hopefully they will stop taking it out on you. 

Post # 32
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
pink123:  Hi fellow bee. As soon as you mentioned “Indian wedding” I immediately got it. Thanks to my very close friendships with northern and southern Indians, I have been educated to the fact that these things which seem so small to us American bees can be a huge scandal when it comes to Indian families. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope that at some point your Aunt and Uncle can see that you love them and truly meant no harm. Hopefully when the dust settles, they will realize that your wedding day should revolve around you and not their child’s college axams. ((gentle hugs))  

Post # 33
36 posts
  • Wedding: July 2016

This is your wedding. If they do not attend then that is on them and they will regret it I’m sure. I went to a university in the US. He is 21 years old and can move himself our himself. I moved myself out every year of college. He has an aunt nearby who can help. Don’t let them buly you into changing your date and don’t let them make you feel bad. Have a wonderful wedding and just remember that you can’t please everyone. 

Post # 34
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Just stick with what you want to do. My FI’s cousin scheduled her wedding a couple days before my FI’s CPA exam and although very inconvienent for him, he still went but just left earlier so he could be up early the next day to study. You aren’t going to please everyone. 🙁

Post # 35
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I don’t understand the people saying, “My college didn’t work like that, so there’s no way anyone else’s could work that way either!”

Not all colleges are on the same schedule. Not all colleges have the same regulations. Some do require that you move out pretty much immediately as soon as your exams are over.

Post # 36
1465 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
montozzibride:  Not all kids can do that.  It is great that  you can, but many can’t.  My son certainly couldn’t.  He doesn’t have a car and it was all we could do to get him up there in a big SUV.  It is ok that they need to help him move home.  It is ok that she chose this wedding date.  They just need to accept that they can’t come, and she needs to accept that this is a thing that REALLY does happen and it is happening the weekend of her wedding.  Unfortunate, but not the end of the world.

Post # 37
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your cousin is in Uni, he can take care of himself and aunt and uncle can go to your wedding.  They are being drama lamas.  If they want to huff and puff, let them, their loss.

Post # 38
3170 posts
Sugar bee

Indian people are crazy over anything exam-related, and of course everyone in the extended family thinks the wedding is all about them instead of the bride and groom. Your aunt and uncle need to calm down and get over it. I had to miss my cousin’s wedding over this exact issue, because I couldn’t skip my college exams to go to India for it. We all survived, and moreover we are all still close…no one fell out over it. Have your mom or dad (whoever is related to them) deal with it.

Post # 39
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
pink123:  he can’t have friends help him move out of his dorm?? He’s a grown adult! Ignore the family drama, this is not your problem, it’s your aunt and uncle’s.

Post # 45
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

At the end of the day, you’re never going to make everyone happy. If we rearranged important events in our lives around every single person that we would like to attend, nothing would ever be celebrated. Honestly, I find it hard to relate because I’m really not that close with my aunts and uncles – if they pulled this crap with me, my response would be something along the lines of “thanks for letting us know, see you at Christmas”. If I was you, I would be leaving my wedding date as is and wouldn’t be apologising to these selfish people any longer – you have done nothing wrong in choosing the date that you have, and for them to make you feel guilty because it clashes with their plans is really nasty.

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