(Closed) My wedding is a disaster. Invites already sent.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

How does your Fiance feel about this?

Post # 4
Member
7490 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If they are helping you to pay for  it I don’t really see how you can exclude them.

Post # 5
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Maybe you guys could write your more personal vows to each other in a card to open that morning, and then you can say more generic vows during the ceremony in front of your families. That way, no one feels excluded and you two can still share some private words.

Post # 6
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Not knowing the situation; the truth is these people are going to be in your life forever.  They will be the relatives and grandparents of your children.  Let whatever is bothering you, go.  A marriage is the union of two people and two families.  Start out on the right foot.  Apologize for any misunderstanding [take the high road,whether you were right or not.]  Hug and make up.  In the end, it will all work out.  Give it time.  You and he can always move away from his folks.

What about your folks?  Are they behaving?

Enjoy your day. Be beautiful.

 

Post # 7
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Ugh, I feel completely mad (for various reasons) at FI’s family as well. But, I still don’t think you should go behind their back and do something they already explicitly said not to do. You could try to convince them that it’s a good idea.. but if not I would leave it alone. Or I would at least be honest about what you’re doing. Your actions (as I’m reminded by my father everyday… ugh) can go a long way! A lot of people get nasty during weddings, and then their relationship with in-laws is ruined for years to come. Just a thought.

Post # 8
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@Momma: Someone just gave me that same advice today. Not because of anything in particular, just giving wedding/marriage advice. I know some of my friends have lived through this too. They take the higher road for their sanity.

Post # 9
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t have the same situation going on but sometimes I have felt weird about saying really personal vows in front of everyone. So Fiance and I decided that we would go for traditional vows and then on our wedding night or on the honeymoon we would say our vows just the two of us. 

I think this problem might go deeper than just the vows but I thought this idea might help alleviate some tension. 

Post # 9
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t have the same situation going on but sometimes I have felt weird about saying really personal vows in front of everyone. So Fiance and I decided that we would go for traditional vows and then on our wedding night or on the honeymoon we would say our vows just the two of us. 

I think this problem might go deeper than just the vows but I thought this idea might help alleviate some tension. 

Post # 10
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Do what is right for you.  I was in a similar situation.  With family trouble, no situation is perfect, but you have to do what you have to do.

I see they paid for it, so that gets complicated.  Take some time to yourself and do a little “sould” search when you can feel less stressed.

Post # 11
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

i am sorry to say this but,  if you want such a private ceremony,  dont expect them to help pay for it,  it seems rude and selfish to me.  i am sorry but i would be gutted if a member of my family accepted money for their wedding,  but excluded me from it.  if i am not good enough,  then my money sure isnt…

Post # 12
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yeah, I guess if you want them to not be there- you can’t really expect to have a reception with them there.  That doesn’t seem fair.  I would consider one or the other, all or (not nothing but) a different wedding plan.

ETA: I re-read this again!  I think that if you want to do a private ceremony and then a reception, I think that is okay- them paying for a reception and you enjoying the “celebration” of the wedding.  I don’t really see a problem with that.  Good luck to you!

Post # 13
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My husband and I said formal vows aloud during our wedding, but also included a brief section where we embraced and spoke personal promises to one another.

Do you think that might work for you?

Post # 14
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

What about getting married before the wedding.  You could do something private and say those vows and then just do a ceremony for show with the family and just do the traditional vows.  Maybe you wouldn’t care so much if you had already done it. 

Post # 15
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Snowy414:  That is a good idea.  We thought about doing that.  Then it is less pressure, and you (OP) might feel better knowing you did what is so important to you the way you needed/ wanted.

The topic ‘My wedding is a disaster. Invites already sent.’ is closed to new replies.

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