(Closed) My wedding is in 22 days and my sister just got engaged

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It seems so strange to me that people would be so harsh about this. For the people saying that absolutely no one will be focused on the newly engaged sister at a family gathering, that is total BS hahaha. I’ve been the guest at weddings where my wedding date wasn’t even close and the engagement was months prior and I wasn’t even as closely related as the sister, and people still kept bringing up MY upcoming wedding at the cousins’ weddings. I felt so uncomfortable because it truly should be all about the bride and groom and here were some random relatives quizzing me about MY wedding. I understand that it’s a conversation topic when maybe you don’t have anything else to say, but future Brother-In-Law should have considered that…

Post # 62
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Why don’t you announce your pregnancy at her wedding? 

Post # 64
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

Bees, I feel we tend to be a bit harsh.  She is entitled to her feelings. 

Post # 65
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

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caroline.fitzgerald.334:  I don’t know the type of relationship you and your sister have. And you are feeling whatever you are feeling. But instead of trying to see this as a competition of who gets to have the spotlight, how about you two make it a fun experience for both? 

My niece got engaged just a few weeks after I did. And we’ve had a blast wedding planning. It’s made us spend a lot of quality time together and creating some cute memories of how we put our respective weddings together. It can be a lot of fun! She was there for me at my wedding. My wedding just happened and just a week after, we are turning all the effort and energy into hers. I’m not saying that’s what you have to do. Just saying it can be a lot of fun! Choose to make it fun and unforgettable 

Post # 66
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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MKWeddingBee:  my Fiance and I had the same experience this month at his twin brother’s wedding. So many “oh you’re next” comments actually had me irked. Look at the bride dammit. We have 6 months!

OP, you are entitled to your feelings, but she is your sister. Talk to her, congratulate her and celebrate this exciting time for both of you. You aren’t even going to know that people at table 8 are talking about her engagement instead of watching you bounce around the dance floor with your bridesmaids. After the ceremony, it’s a party. 

Think of it this way, most people at a funeral talk about the deceased for a few minutes, the. They catch up and talk about their own lives. A wedding isn’t that different in it’s purpose. To gather loved ones to celebrate a life (or two). Even if your sister weren’t engaged there would be other chatter and probably a lot of questions to her and her SO about when they’re gonna pull the trigger. 

Sorry so long, just thought the perspective might help. 

Post # 67
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 68
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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MrsYokiman:  best comment ever. +forever

Post # 70
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 71
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t mind this personally, in fact I’d think it was great that she can go to your wedding engaged and knowing it will be her next. I’m only thinking of the fact that if she was waiting to get engaged and potentially getting resentful she may have spent your wedding feeling very slightly fed uo with those thoughts of “will it ever be me” whereas now it will be even happier for her.

Engagement parties aren’t really a thing here and i’ve only been to one yet been to over 20 weddings..so I wouldn’t think of it like that. Whereas I guess if e-parties are common where you are it may feel like your wedding will become one. But trust me it wont, a wedding is a much bigger deal than an engagement.

Another thing to consider is that (although I’ve no doubt she is mega happy) she may feel a bit fed up herself that her engagement may be overshadowed by your wedding (not that it is your fault of course) and wish her Fiance had left it until after so she could have her moment.

Post # 72
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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Honeybee2015:  We are under no obligation to be dishonest to the OP in order to spare her feelings. She asked for opinions.

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caroline.fitzgerald.334:  You may want to consider changing your username to something more anonymous, for security purposes. Never a good idea to publish your full name on a public forum.

Post # 73
Member
15287 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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caroline.fitzgerald.334:  uhhh, should she not see family after she’s engaged?  I’m still failing to see the problem.

SIL got engaged on vacation 2 days before my engagement party on vacation in Europe.  Then she flew directly back to FL (where everyone was meeting for my engagement party, shes from TX, I’m from MA) to attend my party.  Did it turn into a double engagement party?  No.  She got a quick congrats when she greeted people and no one mentioned it again. 

You cannot seriously be worried about your wedding turning into an egagement party.   She gonna go up there and cut your cake and join you in an engagement first dance or something?  Reenact the proposal while you guys exchange vows?   What’s the problem here.

Post # 74
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

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MKWeddingBee:  Even people who aren’t engaged get quizzed about if/when it’s going to happen and teased (ie “you’re next!”) at weddings. And they have conversations that have nothing to do with the bride and groom– in fact I’ve never been to a wedding where people ONLY talked about the bride and groom the entire time and avoided all other subjects. What if instead of getting engaged, the sister got into grad school, bought a house, had a baby, or went on a trip? Would that also be off-limits? I just don’t get how her engagement is taking anything away from the wedding. No one is going to forget where they are or who is actually getting married that day. ???

These are happy times for both sisters and it’s a bit silly of the bride to let that ruin her own good time.

Post # 75
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Lol get a grip, where are your friends to tell you that? Your wedding will still be your wedding and I’m sure your sister didn’t plan on it happening like this but you should be happy for her and excited. She will probably be quiet about it because that day is supposed to be about you. Pull on your big girl undies and act like a lady through this. You’ll be a better woman for it.

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