(Closed) My wedding is in 22 days and my sister just got engaged

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 76
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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lampshade:  I spoke in my earlier reply simply from own perspective of how a moment like this might feel is there are any instances of sibling rivalry and/or resentment in the relationship. If the OP and her sister have a good relationship, then I see no reason why she won’t have a wonderful time at her wedding, but it’s still normal and okay to have a moment of frustration that the spotlight can’t just be about her for a couple hours, especially when you’ve spent your life sharing the spotlight with a sibling. As I said in my previous reply, I could unfortunately seeing my FI’s family acting with very little grace or tact in this situation, and our wedding WOULD turn into FSIL’s engagement party where everyone crowds around her asking about the ring, talks about what’s wrong with our wedding and what she should do differently, demands a toast in her honor to recognize the engagement, and demands a dance in her honor to recognize the soon-to-be husband and wife. FI’s parents have spent their whole life criticizing him and then putting Future Sister-In-Law up on a pedestal when she does the same thing, and they were horrible to us about getting engaged and planning a wedding. As you can see, the sibling relationship there just doesn’t have a healthy place to grow in.

Post # 77
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Also, has anyone seen OP’s previous post? It sounds like planning this wedding has been a rough experience for her, and I think it might be understandable how she wishes she had one day to herself and didn’t have to share it with a sister who doesn’t sound like she was 100% happy for her either.

Post # 78
Member
33 posts
Newbee

My Future Sister-In-Law got engaged a month after me and a week before my engagement party so people were bringing both of us gifts. I really didn’t mind it for the most part. But when she had her engagement party a couple of months after half our family didn’t show up because they figured they already gave her a gift and congratulated her at our party so that sucked :/

Post # 79
Member
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

just nevermind….. *sigh*

Post # 80
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Oh please, really?!

Post # 81
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

TBH, I think some of the responses you’re getting are a little harsh. I’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t be happy and congratulate your sister. But, I do see where it might make you think it might interfere with the wedding. But just because you think that doesn’t mean it will happen. There’s 22 days to go, so by that time I think your guests will focus on you, because they have all that time (22 days) to congratulate her and wish her well. Sure, there may be some guests who tell her congratulations at the actual wedding, but I do think the guests will realize they are there for YOUR big day, and they’ll celebrate your new marriage on that day. Most will realize that her day will come, and they will wait to celebrate with her on that day. 

I know the kinds of anxiety and stress wedding planning can cause, and I’ve gotten myself worked up over small stuff. I know this may not seem small to you and I don’t really think anyone can understand unless they were in a similar situation. My advice would be to congratulate your sister, take a few deep breaths, and look forward to your wedding day where you and your new husband will be celebrated 🙂

Post # 82
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

Could be way worse, at least this way she can announce it now and get a Little of the surprise out of the way… At my friends wedding one of the guests decided it would be the perfect time to ANNOUNCE their engagement and even asked her photog to get some “engagement” pics of them at the wedding and if that wasn’t bad enough, also called the photog and asked about her own pictures within days of the wedding WTF! Yea you only get one day but some people are too rude to realize that your event is not the place for their announcement so be thankful sisters Fiance didn’t propose AT your wedding (which was another horror story I read on here where the best man wanted to propose during the first dance)

Post # 83
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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MKWeddingBee:  you are too kind ma’am…

my wedding process has been a shit show.. like literally.. if my sister got engaged even the day before I would be nothing but ecstatic

Post # 84
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My brother got engaged the night after out engagment party, I totally knew it was happening and was okay with it. He assured me they were planning on fall 2016. They are now getting married August 2015. Hey bridal shower is this weekend and our wedding is May 2! 

I was annoyed by their timing but there’s nothing I could do about it.

The thing that hurts most though is that since our wedding is a less feasible destination wedding and apparently timing our wedding guest list is ending up being just about 20 people more than her expected attendance for her Bridal Shower on Sunday! 

I know at their wedding we are going to get lots of congratulations and maybe even cards for our own wedding from friends/family who can’t make it to FL for our wedding!

My advice, have your pissy moment and maybe a cry over it then let it go and be happy for her! 

Post # 85
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Wow everyone is super harsh. My Fiance waited until after my sister’s wedding to propose. He just felt that it was the right thing to do as we knew we wanted a June wedding and it would made no difference to be engaged in December vs January (her wedding was December 27 and we got engaged mid January). My sister and I are super close and I was her Maid/Matron of Honor and super involved in helping her plan so I was happy he waited! I was busy and stressed and it would not have been the best time to get engaged. That being said, you need to be happy for your sister. Get over the initial upset feelings you had and share this special moment with her. Your wedding will in NO WAY be her engagement party!! Yes people will be congratulating her but who cares!? Life happens and this will not take away from your wedding. My advice to you is let it go and enjoy your wedding and your sister’s engagement. You are not a bad person but I think you will look back and regret things if you can’t let this go and be happy. 

Post # 87
Member
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

I will never understand this kind of mindset. People are in no way required to schedule their big life events around your wedding. Period. If someone,anyone, wants to get engaged, they can, whenever they see fit. So if it’s not happening during your vows or reception, let it go and get over yourself.

Just because this is your speshul time doesn’t mean you somehow get to put a hold on things for other people. Stop being so selfish and be happy for your sister.

geez….

Post # 88
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

Considering my soon to be Brother-In-Law is getting married 3 weeks before us, my cousin getting married 2 weeks before us (they got engaged months after us), and my OTHER cousin got married just a month ago and I had to get over it….I’d say you’re a bit overreacting.

If my cousin who is years younger than me, got engaged months after me, then planned her wedding for TWO WEEKS BEFORE mine with the same “outdoor under a tent feel” even though I still have been engaged for less than a year…and I’m not mad *anymore*, then I feel like you have no reason to be mad. For real.

Post # 89
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I got engaged a few day’s before a friend’s wedding (and it was before we announced it on facebook). When I saw her, she asked how I was and I just said good, because I was afraid it would be some sort of faux pas to tell her about my engagement at her wedding. Later she came over and was like, “I heard you’re engaged! Why didn’t you tell me?!?” and was totally happy for me.

Anyway, I think that’s the healthier attitude. 

I also recently was at a bridal shower for my cousin. I’m engaged as is another cousin. People kept asking us about our wedding stuff, and I felt a little awkward/guilty but… I find it bizarre that people are somehow supposed to pretend that the bride is the ONLY person getting married. Life goes on even when you’re engaged. (And I’m at the age where it seems like ALL my cousins and friends are getting married ina  two year span.) And no matter what, the bride is going to be the center of attention at her shower or wedding–even if some guests ask other guests about their wedding plans. 

Post # 90
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That b*tch! …not.

Just be happy for her; hell, just be happy for yourself if that’s all you can muster. Your wedding is soon, and trust me — it will be all about you and your FI!

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