Post # 1
I just need some kind of support here weddingbees. I have talked to my fiance about this and do not want to get into huge arguments with him regarding our situation but I get so angry when I speak about it. We decided a few months ago that we wanted to get married in Hawaii. I have been a couple of times and he hasn’t. I don’t have family and he does. We thought it would be a nice vacay for everyone and on top of that I wouldn’t feel the “sadness” that would come from having a wedding with virtually all of his family there and hardly anyone there for me…including not having anyone to walk me down the aisle.
I want my sister as my maid of honor and he asked his dad to be his best man. We waited for acceptance of this request from his dad before beginning to plan because we live on the east coast and know that it’s a lot to ask of someone. His dad initially said yes but now has said he doesn’t know because of…..work. He owns a small company and doesn’t trust anyone while he’s gone to run it. I personally believe there’s more to it because I’ve heard that he’s also commented about how all of my fiance’s family is here. I don’t know what to do…we were going to have a big bbq celebration here for everyone when we returned just in case they couldn’t make the trip.
I am frustrated. Sad. And did I mention…WE ARE PAYING FOR IT!!!!
Post # 3
When you choose a destination wedding, you have to expect that not everyone will come. If Future Father-In-Law is dragging his feet because he wants the wedding back east, you can’t waiver. You have to let him know you would love him to be there but the wedding will continue without him.
Post # 4
This was similar to our situation. My entire family lives in one state with the exception of Mom and sister. We had a Destination Wedding in Florida (coincidentally where Mom and sis live). DH’s entire..I mean even cousins and their children…came for a week. None of my family came except my Dad and stepmother. It wasn’t “where they wanted to go for a vacation, we want to go to a different beach, why can’t you have it here…..” etc.
I DIDN’T have a bbq reception as requested after the wedding, and I don’t plan on it. I don’t live in that state.
A Destination Wedding really pares down your guest list. But you can’t force people to come, even if you are paying for it. We paid for our entire wedding, but people still had to pay for accomodations, flights/travel, food..on an island, which wasn’t cheap.
Post # 5
Hawaii is far and expensive for a “vacation” not of your choosing. If your FIs father runs a small business, that is asking a lot from him. Destination weddings are difficult for many reasons. I know it’s hard for you but try to look at it from your FIs family’s perspective a little bit.
What about a location not so far away? That way your Father-In-Law wouldn’t have to be away for so long?
Post # 6
I would be disappointed to, especially since you offered to pay for it. However, unfortunately some people (even close family) do not attend weddings if they are not convenient. Another possibility that popped into my head is that perhaps your Future Father-In-Law knows he cannot afford a trip to Hawaii for the wedding, and feels uncomfortable accepting financial help (or feels uncomfortable accepting the help, even if he could afford it). Also, some people have strong feelings about the way weddings should be done. It is true that you can’t please everyone always. However, I would make sure that your Fiance absolutely is okay with doing a destination wedding with the possibility of his relatives not attending. If he is and you feel like you would regret not having your wedding in Hawaii, then I think you should do your original plan. Otherwise, maybe it is time to rethink things.
Post # 7
Thanks for the responses!!! I definitely understand his point of view. The problem I am having with it is that he originally said yes….and I started planning/ordering save the dates etc and then it changed.
I understand it is expensive…we said he only needed to worry about the ticket and we would pay for his stay. The problem is that he said he can’t stay for a week but he wouldn’t have to stay for a week. All of my fiance siblings and stuff already started planning for the trip and trying to figure out a vacation house, etc. So essentially the problem is everyone was on board and started making plans but now……..
We didn’t tell anyone about Hawaii until we got the go ahead from his father first. My fiance is on board — it’s not just me. He feels that to give someone basically a year to figure it out is enough time.
Post # 8
@AlwaysSunny: 🙂 I completely feel this way but just don’t want to sound like a B****
Post # 9
unfortunately this is what you get with destination weddings, even if you are paying. some people just can’t take that time away. i know that he initially said yes, but he is entitled to change his mind for whatever the reason.