(Closed) My Wedding Part 1

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

how dreadful! I am so sorry dear.

Post # 4
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am really sorry that your experience wasn’t what you expected and obviously we don’t have the full story but I do think that whilst your Bridesmaid or Best Man was being a little bit childish I also think that you were in the wrong here as well.

It sounds like you expected your Bridesmaid or Best Man to help more than she was willing to or should be required to. And yes I know you asked her but it can be very hard to say no to a friend and it was asked 5 months ago a lot of things could have changed in her life since then that require more of her time.

At the end of the day would it really have been a big deal to have her partner with you as you completed the last minute wedding stuff? Wouldn’t one more pair of willing hands have been helpful especially since you make it out that you need soooo much help?

While it is outrageous for her to sugegst he be with you guys as you are getting ready that could have easily been sorted out with a bit of mature conversation.

I think there has been tremedous overreactions from both parties.

Unfortunately your wedding is the most important day for you and your husband not for anyone else and nor should it be. You other friend who you admit you haven’t seen in 3 years was unable to take time of and attend. life is tough and full of disappointments but I think it is an overraction to end a friendship because she counldn’t make your wedding. You haven’t gone to visit her in the last three years either! Friendship is a two way street so you can’t blame her for not caring since you haven’t even visited her either.

Again I am sorry the day didn’t live up to your expectations.

Post # 5
9667 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@j_jaye:  +1 sorry OP

Post # 8
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@PhuriousMrs_B:  WOW- sorry but your insulting post to me has gained you no sympathy!

If you checked my info you would see I am already married and guess what I did not lose any friends during the process so please spare me.

Spa treatments and setting up your wedding are not the responsibilities of your bridal party. If you want a spa treat be an adult and go and have one. If you need to set up your wedding then YOU need to set up your wedding. Expecting anyone else other than your spouse or a paid vendor to do so is expecting too much.

Your friend is an adult who makes adult decision about her own life. it is not up to you to decide what is right or wrong for her life. Maybe she could tell how much you clearly judged her and her life and that is why she was a less than willing friend?

Post # 9
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@j_jaye:  I agree with every thing you have said, in both posts.

OP, it’s unforunate that you expected so much from your Maid/Matron of Honor and she was unwilling to come through for you.  It sucks, but at the same time, you did ask a lot of her.  As for the other friend you lost…if she didn’t want to come without her boyfriend, then you have to understand that.  Losing a friendship over something so small in the grand scheme of things tells me that it wasn’t a really strong friendship to begin with.  You seem to have really big issues with your friends in the attitude you have when posting about them, and it seems like you never really tried to mend the problems after the wedding.  If you truly were upset about losing the friendship, you would be asking for advice about how to repair the damage with them and move on with a multiple-decade friendship, rather than trashing her boyfriend, lifestyle choice, and, honestly, slandering her on the internet.  Sorry, but I have very little sympathy for this.

Post # 13
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@PhuriousMrs_B:  Like I said (and supported more from your previous post), you seem to have a lot of issues with your friend that are non-wedding related that made all of this drama.  No, you shouldn’t support abuse, but you should support your friend going through it, not throwing away a friendship over it.  You should be helping her see the light and get out, not cutting her out of your life.  I am honestly not expecting one Bridesmaid or Best Man to get their nails done before the wedding.  I’m offering, but not expecting.  I think you expected too much from her by all of the pre-wedding prep work you referenced.  Clearly she was from out of town and didn’t have the time/want to make the time to be there for the prep work.  I get the frustration, but you say you wanted her to be there for you, yet you’re the one who told her not to come.

Post # 14
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Obviously (looking at your other post) there were a lot of things that didn’t go the way you wanted on your wedding day.  I get that you are trying to paint the picture of the friendship with this woman by what you are saying.  And yes, I understand that a lot of friendships will die once someone gets married….however, do you want a friendship with this woman still? 

Everything you mentioned has already happened and none of us can change that for you.  If you want to be friends with this woman, then try to forgive.  Maybe just maybe she feels bad for missing out too. 

Post # 15
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think your statement that your wedding being the BIGGEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!! when you already are a mother with a young baby at home makes me question your perspective and expectations on a wedding- as I am not yet a parent, I guess I cannot say with 100% certainty, but I would hope the birth of my children might surpass a wedding with regards to important and life-changing days in my life.

I am really unclear what exactly it is you are trying to gain with this post, but if you just needed a good vent to blow off steam, I hope you can feel better about your wedding with a little time and distance from the day.

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