(Closed) My wedding ruined my relationships with new in-laws

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It seems like a little time and space might be needed to heal this, but in time I think you should make a move to rebuild the relationship if they don’t make a move first.  They will be your family for the rest of your life!

Sorry this happened to you all

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I disagree with PP about not moving first. Sadly, you are the outsider in the family because she is defending her daughter. It doesnt mean it is right, but what it means is you should make the first move. (imagine if you were in some problem situation with your sister and a friend or mom and a friend,..)

Rarely are things one sided and I dont know the back story here. What was she freaking on? was it a misunderstanding? did she feel slighted because you backed off those last couple of weeks? etc.

Think hard about the situation for both the SIL and MIL and see if there is something you can bring up and either apologize or explain to them why it was why it was.

At the same time you can bring up that you are hurt and why and explain it so they can see it from your side. Hopefully, maybe, you can begin a relationship again.

Remember, there are 3 sides to ever story, your side, their side and the truth. What this means is that every person involved is coming from a different perspective and set of facts.

Post # 5
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@leoinTO:  Ugh. It’s funny how weddings are meant to bring people together but often do the opposite!

Hang in there. If I were you, I’d get your husband to approach your MIL… yeah they’re technically your family now, but maybe he can talk some sense into her since he has known her his whole life.

 

Post # 6
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ThreeMeers:  I didn’t mean to confront her or anything, I simply meant to start talking to them in a few months, if they haven’t started talking to her first, just in general, not about the conflict.  I feel like when you first enter a family, if you choose to hold a grudge at the beginning, you will end up having a bad relationship after that.  I have a cousin whose wife was not quite liked in the beginning, and because she never made an effort, the older generation of aunts (and grandparents) etc have never given her another chance, and she’s never tried for one.  I believe in being the bigger person, so if it were me, I’d make at least some effort, and if I got shot down THEN back off and give up.

ETA: I need to learn to use less commas! sorry!

Post # 7
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsNerdy:  Oh I get it now. OK then. I kinda agree. I still think she should make a fist move ASAP. The longer she waits the worse it looks, for right or wrong

“Leoin is so inconsiderate. She hasnt called in X weeks”

“I am so surprised she hasnt called to explain what XYZ happened which caused SIL to do XYZ”

 

Post # 9
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s only been 2 months since your wedding.  It took about 2 months for me to get off my butt and call my in-laws again.  Invite them over for dinner.  Nothing is ruined.  They’re just allowing you time and space as newlyweds.

As for the SIL, parents will always defend their children, even it their behavior looks insane to others.  Let it slide and don’t bring it up with them.

What are you waiting for?  Pick up the phone.

Post # 10
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrslittlefish:  I agree with you… I think sometimes the conflict can escalate if we let it and especially when we ruminate about it! Just breathe, call your MIL and go do something superficial. You don’t  have to talk about this, you don’t have to have a resolution to each disagreement. It’s okay to just forgive and move on without having that ‘talk’!

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