(Closed) My wedding was perfect except for one thing! How do I let go?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
10388 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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mrsgarkenzie :  

Well, I think everybody has  has someone  try to hurt them  at some time  and I am  so sorry it happened to you  on your wedding  but I am   shocked that it still bothers you after 2 years!!

You say you only want to remember the happy things  , well, that can be done. Every single time  you think of what she said or did, deliberately and purposefully think of   a particularly  good moment , or a funny moment . You have to replace the bad thought with a good one, it’s almost impossible  to just stop thinking  about something  , particularly   if you have got  into the  habit of dwelling on it over   time.

Think up a few good moments in advance as it were,  and summon them up when the bad stuff strikes.  Every time, every time.

Once when my husband and I were in  very difficult patch and actually living apart,   a woman who was then my best friend- and had been for years –  accused me of hitting on her husband . “Just because you can’t  keep yours , don’t  think you can have mine”  she said. It was spectacularly wrong and unjust , not only would I  never, ever  be involved with a friends husband , but what she has seen, I guess ,and not wanted to believe , was him hitting on me , an act I could not have wanted less,  for at least three reasons! 

Took me quite  a few thought replacements  to get rid  of that, but I did. Now its just  a slightly distasteful very occasional memory. And me and my h. are fine again and  have been  for years . In fact  he and I have had a  rueful laugh or  two over it . And you and your h. can too. It’s someone else’s insecurity , so  don’t lt it become  yours

Post # 3
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I have a friend who is single and seems to be rather jealous of me and the relationship I have with my husband and she tends to make rather hurtul comments. For example, I wasn’t that keen on changing my surname and she said, “you obviously don’t regard him as your family then otherwise you would do it”. And when one of my best friends got married one of her friends left the recpetion at 21:30, crying, because it wasn’t her wedding. So, point is, these things happen… and the people to be pitied are actually the jealous ones. You now have a marriage, and whatever she has in her life it’s obviously very lacking… So dust yourself off because she would never have tried to hurt you if what you have wasn’t absolutely wonderful. 

Post # 4
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

I would’ve literally went and asked someone to kick her out of the wedding as soon as I noticed the attitude. What on earth… I don’t have any advice on how to let go. Maybe you can just realise she’s a pathetic human being, which means you shouldn’t really even think about her for one second of your precious life, I don’t know.

Post # 5
Member
6532 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

IF it’s been two years and you still can’t let go, maybe talking to a counselor or therapist would help. That’s an unhealthy amount of time to hold onto those feelings, when someone has already admitted they were wrong and you’re no longer in contact with them.

Post # 6
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

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mrsgarkenzie :  “Her behavior was inexcusable and selfish” You need some healing!  First forgive her! I’m serious, when you forgive someone you are doing it for YOURSELF. Then let her and her behavior GO.  Go to a therapist who will help you plan to think about your wedding in the good ways and good end result that it is. Good Luck!

Post # 7
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

I think the betrayal and the fact that she set out to do it is still bothering you.  I am like this somewhat.  I had a close friend of many years steal a lot of money from me,  it took me years to come to terms with the betrayal and the loss of the friendship.  Counseling even 1 or 2 times can help.  Good luck bee.

Post # 8
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I understand what you’re going through.

My EX-FI ruined my college graduation party by getting hammered drunk, screaming at people, and getting so beligerent that he crashed his car into a tree on the way home and threatened to kill himself and his roommates. I gave the ring back that same night and cancelled the wedding the next day. I can’t look back on my college graduation without thinking of him and his awful behavior.

I’m sorry that an event as important as your wedding was tainted by a crappy person. This sounds so cliche, but time really does heal everything. Time is the only thing that healed my heartbreak, and I have a feeling it will be the same for you. Hugs <3

Post # 9
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

forgive

And I don’t mean you have to call her, I just want healing for you so you aren’t so upset.

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