- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
So for those who don’t know me and haven’t seen my previous post…I’m actually already married. I suffer from a nasty physical disorder that had me in a wheelchair a few years back and I never got my big beautiful wedding…so Danny (my hubs) decided to give me a wedding this year, on our 2nd anniversary. We’re going to have a little ceremony followed by an awesome reception! I was so excited for it…until I thought about it a little more in depth.
My mother and I have a hot and cold relationship. She suffers from an untreated mental disorder, I’m not going to say what everyone is speculating that it is, but she’s got some problems. Anyway, I never knew if I was getting “good mom” who would be loving to me and lavish me with gifts, or “not so good mom” who would drink her face off, corner me, and bully me to tears, even when I begged her to stop and leave me alone. She was never loving to my dad, who always tried really hard to please her. (he’s still with her, it pains me to see him put himself through that, but according to him he loves her. It’s none of my business so what can I do?)
Let me clear things up really quick…I love my mom. I do, and when she’s being “good mom” she’s a wonderful person. A lot of people would probably have abandoned this relationship, but she’s my mother and I can’t fault her for having a mental illness, plus when she’s in a good mood, we have a wonderful relationship and I’m just not willing to give up on her. She’s my mom. That said…
I’m terrified she’s going to ruin my wedding. She likes to drink, like, A LOT, and making a scene at weddings is kind of her thing. It’s the same thing almost every wedding she goes to, she’ll get drunk, start crying and crying about how much her life sucked when she was younger, harass other guests by grabbing them or forcing them to dance with her or whatever, pick a verbal argument with one of her sisters and make it a big enough scene that everyone stares at them, and then end up throwing up all over herself. She likes to make a scene and make it all about her, and that frightens me. I know that even if I COMPLETELY CLOSE THE BAR AND HAVE A DRY WEDDING (which I really don’t want to do) she’ll just drink beforehand and show up plastered. My dad tries to keep her under control, but then he spends the whole time chasing after her, and I really want to spend some time with my dad during my wedding seeing as I only see him once a year. I’m almost afraid to post this under my normal name because I’m afraid she’ll find it, call me up and bitch at me, make me feel like a terrible daughter. I’ve already asked her not to make a scene and she acts like she never does and that I’m silly for even suggesting that she would.
Not inviting my mother, by the way, just isn’t an option. Please don’t even suggest it.
I just needed to vent out my worries.
I’m done now.
Thanks for listening. Love ya, Bees.