(Closed) My wedding will be ruined, I know it…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow, I feel so bad for you having to face this.  But don’t let it ruin your wedding.  Is there any way to take preventative measures by having someone “assigned” (covertly, of course) to monitor, distract, etc., her and help keep her from you as much as possible that day?  Maybe a trusted friend or family member who knows the situation who can “police” her (in a kind and non-intrusive way) and distract her away from you physically.  Good luck, I hope all goes well.  No matter what, don’t let her illness bring you down on such a special day.

Post # 5
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Sunfire:  i totally agree–can you get someone, besides your dad, to watch out for her and run interference/get her out of there if she gets into a bad state?

Post # 6
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@imageeksowhat:  Yeah, I’m sure your dad knows how to handle her, but it’s also a special day for him and not fair to either of you for him to the be one solely responsible for her on that occasion.  If someone can keep her from you without her getting upset or angry it might work.  I’m sure that would take a special person.  As far as your own illness, try to take as much care of yourself as possible and take it really easy before the wedding.  Let other people help and keep the stress off of yourself as much as possible.  I’ll be saying prayers that you have a wedding that is everything you have ever dreamed it would be.

Post # 7
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My mom is the same way…she actually quit drinking a few years ago tho but now at events like weddings she just rages because she can’t drink.  She has picked on and torn apart every aspect of my wedding (except the dress, randomly) it’s gotten to the point I can’t even talk to her- I have to call my dad to relay messages.  I seriously can’t even believe how similar our moms sound….so I will tell you my plan for my mom on the day of and maybe it will help you:

1: Stay out of her way, my MoH is going to very politely beg my mom to do many (pointless) tasks for her to keep my mom occupied and feeling useful.  She will complain a lot later that she ‘wasn’t involved’ in my getting ready and what not- but it will spare me from crying angry tears the day of my wedding so it’s worth a few years of having that rubbed in my face.

2: grandma is in charge of her during the reception.  No one can open a can of whoop-a** on my mom like her mom can.  (a proverbial can, of course)   Is there anyone in the family who has a bit of a tether on your mom? Have you considered asking a bar tender (or just whoever is making her drinks) to give her half the alcohol in a given drink?  

3: drugs.  Yup, I said it. I have an emergency plan to slip sleeping pills into my moms drink.  If she can’t behave she can snore the reception out. 

 

I really am sorry you have to go through this- you’re not alone.  You will have a wonderful wedding, my grandma says I won’t even notice my mom the day of cuz I wil be so happy! So maybe that is really true…I’m rootin’ for you!

Post # 8
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If she does this at every wedding, chances are your family already knows this pattern of behavior and knows that she will act up/out. it almost sounds like there really isn’t anything you can do about her behavior, except accept that she will probably act this way. I agree with the idea of having a few people on hand to keep her as far from you as possible so that you can enjoy your day with your husband, your father and your friends and family. No matter what, after everything you’ve been through, nothing can ruin your day! it will still be everything you’ve dreamed of — and I’m so sorry you have to go through this with her. As hard as it is, just try not to let it get you down, you can’t control her actions, so do the best you can to control yours. (hugs)

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

For the reception: Just have her “policed” by someone, and when she gets into her “bad” behavior, escort her out. I know she’s your mom, and do whatever you can so everyone will have good time!

Hopefully during the wedding ceremony itself, she’ll be fine.

Post # 12
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@imageeksowhat:  Don’t drug her, lol . . . tempting . . . but you never know what could happen.  It’s too dangerous.  No need to go to jail over her.

Post # 13
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@imageeksowhat:  Anytime! I have myself a pretty impressive momzilla, so I have strategized accordingly.  We actually stumbled across the ‘menial tasks’ bit on accident at the bridal shower.  She was supposed to be handing me my gifts and she like…couldn’t handle it. she kept asking my MoH (the host) ‘CAN I HELP! WHAT CAN I DO?! I WANNA HELP! CAN I HELP!?’  and my MoH kept saying ‘no no, be with your daughter it’s fine I got this’  then it was getting obnoxious so finally the MoH caved and was like ‘Yes, move these present 3 feet to the left’ and my mom did it and completely shut up the rest of the party while moving presents?  Very strange discovery…Then she went on facebook and commented on a picture of the shower saying ‘oh I’m sad I’m not in this one, too bad i had to help things run smoothly’  /super passive aggro.   Oh well, she didn’t ruin the shower =D

Post # 14
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Sunfire:  haha yah drugs are a bad idea especially if she’s drinking.. <_< It will be a sad day if we have to drug my mom to make her stop acting like a moron at her only daughter’s wedding.  

Post # 15
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

imageeksowhat  I can totally relate. Your mother sounds exactly like mine.  I could have written this post myself. My mother has had depression and a drinking problem for as long as I can remember but even though it’s tough to love her there is NO way I’m excluding her from the wedding.

But that said I’m having similar worries about my wedding. I don’t even know what I’m going to do about my head table plan because I can’t not have her on it but have my stepmum and fmil on it, but I don’t want her to be focus of any potentially embarressing attention!

At both my sister’s weddings, me and the other sister would be assigned to “keep an eye” on her through out the day, even when it means switching drinks to water and getting fresh air. It wasn’t ideal but it wasn’t my day so my sister and I were happy to help. This time my sisters will do the same for me but I’m still waiting until guards go down in the evening and my mother can and will get drunk and vocal. ugh.

I agree that having someone else “look” after her on the day is the way to battle this one…  and I’ve found involving my “good mother” in the wedding preps for advice and help has really made her behave. If she’s being “bad mother” I avoid her and tell her I won’t talk to her about the wedding if she’s going to talk to me like that. Sounds like I’m talking to a child I know, but it works. Prehapes you too could “condition” her to behave when it comes to wedding stuff?

Whatever you decide good luck, but don’t let this overshadow what will be a magical day for you 🙂

 

Post # 16
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Also see if the bartenders can work with you to make her drinks with no alcohol or highly watered down.

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