- roadside tom
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
So my wedding is 25 days away and I was just recapping the last 15 months of my engagement. Am I just unlucky or is the magnitude of my issues fairly normal?
So I’ll start…
- It was our 2 year anniversary and we had a whole day of events planned; breakfast at my favourite cafe, dinner at a nice restaurant and then ‘walking with dinosaurs’. My FH really wanted to go to this bar we used to have drinks at all the time but I was really tired and said I just wanted to go home, so we did and as I was through the door I went to the bathroom and then sat down on a foot stool and asked for my bday present which he had kept from me all day so I kinda foiled his proposal several times! Hahaha. Anyway he proposed and I was so excited and I picked my BM’s on the spot and txted them all my news.
- We went to his folks the next day and his family were super happy for us and really excited, it was the first wedding in their family. We had a nice sunday lunch to celebrate and I shared my 2001 vintage dom perignon (which I sooo regret!!). Future Sister-In-Law was super condescending saying “you do realise you can’t have a black cake or a black dress.” And I was a bit taken aback by these comment but I didn’t really react. And she was saying, when I showed her a venue I liked “wow, this is actually really nice, I’m really surprised!”. Anyway… She’s a mole.
- So our engagement party plans begin.. I call my mum asking when she’ll come down for it(she lives interstate) and she tells me “It’s too cold, I’ll just come for the wedding.” And I was really hurt by this. Our whole engagement to the wedding has spanned 18 months, she has not been to visit, she can, how ever make plans to go over seas and meet her online bf. Which ended up falling through, and boy I didn’t hear the end of it.
- We wanted to borrow FH’s parents holiday house for a weekend so the bridal party could get together and celebrate. 2 BM’s live interstate and they were both coming down to see us for our engagement. FH calls Future Mother-In-Law and asks for the holiday house and then she asks who’s on the bridal party, and hearing that Future Sister-In-Law isn’t included, she totally flips out! She said that I was malicious and spiteful and I didn’t choose Future Sister-In-Law on purpose so as to hurt her. FH didn’t tolerate this at all, and whilst all that was happening I had absolutely no correspondence with any future inlaws, and then they berate us with threats if we don’t make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man. FH had a massive fight with his mum.
- We called Future Sister-In-Law to see if she knew anything about what was happening and she said she didn’t. FH and I talked it over and we decided to make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man and she was really happy and said “You asking me to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man is like you saying you want me to be a part of the rest of your life.” And that’s all fine and well. How ever a week later I see on facebook that Future Sister-In-Law and FBIL(who was asked to be a groomsman) went out to dinner with all the cousins and didn’t even invite FH or I. He was so hurt by this and I don’t do double standards! I was so pissed that she expected me to make her a part of the rest of my life and then have her turn around and exclude me!! GUH!!
- We refused to speak to FH’s parents until they apologised for saying what they said about me. And even though both Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law were both on the bridal party they both stopped talking to us. His mother refused to apologise saying she did nothing wrong and it was up to us to apologise to her and to FBIL and FSIL for incriminating them in all this drama(?). As far as I’m concerned they incriminated themselves by cutting us off. So 14 months pass and still no apology. Also we didn’t end up having an engagement party because we were hoping they’d come around, but they didn’t.
- We had FH’s uncle’s first child’s baptism and then his wedding, both of which the in laws weren’t invited to. But that’s totally seperate from our isse with them. But Future Mother-In-Law blames us for them not being invited, she thinks we poisoned his uncle against them. And when we got home after the wedding we found a letter from Future Mother-In-Law, demanding more apologies for Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law and also an apology worded like this. “Roadside tom, as FH believes I have wronged you, I am sorry for this as it was never my intention”. Firstly I don’t consider that an apology at all! Secondly how could one not get upset when you call them spiteful and malicious!? And FH just didn’t accept that as an apology. Meanwhile we have a plethora of people lecturing us saying we should just talk to them but I didn’t want to set the precedent that I would EVER cave for them. So they aren’t invited to our wedding and neither are Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law. They are toxic people!!
- So in all of this, FH’s god family have been super supportive. But my MOH was super flakey! Never called or txted or answered my txts!! I’d sent all these dress ideas and she wouldn’t reply to any! I bought all their dresses and I had to guess her size. Then it came time to try on wedding dresses, which, if it weren’t for a random friend wanting to catch up that weekend I’d have gone all by myself! I cried on my bed before I had to go into the city because of how alone I felt. Maid/Matron of Honor and another Bridesmaid or Best Man live interstate so i didn’t really expect them to come and my other Bridesmaid or Best Man had just given birth. But I’d finally had it with Maid/Matron of Honor so I demoted her and promoted my other insterstate Bridesmaid or Best Man. I had sent her an emotional msg about how crumby I felt and she never respondeed. And maybe I just took it out on her for the whole shittiness of my situation. I know she wasn’t doing it on purpose and we had no issue, she’s just slack, and I need someone who’d atleast respond to my txt msgs and she was ok about the whole thing and felt really bad she hadn’t made more effort. Atleast this way I wouldn’t really have to rely on her for support and my new Maid/Matron of Honor has been amazing.
- My mum couldn’t be less interested if she tried, she’d call me up and just ask how my brother is doing, and then talk about her internet BF in Seattle. And how she wants to move there, get married to him and then they’d come back to AUS for my wedding. She could afford all that but can’t contribute anything to our wedding?! GRR. She never asks how my plans are going, nothing. To this day she has no idea of the details of my wedding. I’m so disappointed in her.
- I couldn’t find a dress I liked so i opted for a dress maker who has JUST STARTED my dress. She also likes to not answer my calls or call me back and cancel our appointments and then not call me back to reschedule. So the whole dress thing has been a nightmare!
- AND THEN… Future in laws and FH’s god parents had a massive falling out (they’ve been best friends for 40 years)! God brother started dating FBIL’s ex gf (who he broke up with because he came out gay, I’ll call her Amy). So fmil starts saying how GB and Amy started dating on purpose to hurt FBIL and to tear their families apart. FH’s god parents are going to witness our marriage because, like I said they have been amazing to us through this time.
- So the FIL’s came over one night while I was working on the invites. It was all ugly and then Future Mother-In-Law finally gave me a sincere apology and I apologised for not picking Future Sister-In-Law as a Bridesmaid or Best Man as I picked them on a whim on my engagement night, totally unaware of any traditions. Anyway we decided we’d give them an invitation to our wedding. But they refuse to come because Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law are still not invited as their excuse for not talking to us was “we’re too scared of FH”. And thats why they haven’t spoken to us in 15 months. Also while FH and Future Sister-In-Law were arguing she decides to turn to me, point at me and yell “You ARE malicious!” I was just standing there not saying anything!!! F##K! And then she storms off to her room, Future Mother-In-Law follows, but not before saying “excuse me, my daughter is just coming off having the shingles and is not feeling well.” Like that’s an excuse for her being an effing bitch to me. Anyway, Future Sister-In-Law came downstairs and apologised for her outburst. We started to work it out but it all turned to shit again once we brought up GB and Amy. Even if we were to invite FH’s siblings, they wouldn’t come anyway because of GB and Amy. So by default his parents wouldn’t come either, so it’s a stale mate! It’s a week past the RSVP date and his parents didn’t send theirs in. So I guess they just aren’t coming!
- Amidst all of this my mum purchased a ONE WAY ticket for the wedding and wanted to stay indefinitel ywith us but I shut her down. We are like oil and vinegar.
So yeah… That’s as abridged as I can manage… and other than all that, I’ve been busying myself with DIY projects and luckily FH and I also have some other amazing people in our lives.