(Closed) My "Why don't people know how effing RSVP cards work" post

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah. There’s one in every crowd. We went so far as to write out each person that was invited with an “accepts/declines” box next to each name so there was no confusion. It shouldn’t be necessary, but we wanted to prevent as much condusion as possible. We did have one person write in a date, but that was only after she called me and I okayed it. 

I say call the cousin and be nice and apologize for any confusion but be firm that it’s an adult only wedding. Your mom clearly doesn’t want to be involved, so just leave her out of it.

Post # 19
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ugh, what is wrong with people?? We had people that, after we tracked them down to get an RSVP, replied by asking if they could bring a +1. And not like a significant other, either. A friend wanted to bring her sister (?!), or someone else said “oh yeah, and I’ll probably bring (kid), too.”

You’re not alone!

Post # 20
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Tallulah_:  haha. These make my skin crawl too!! I just don’t understand some people.

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StL.Ashley:  I think one of my guests takes the cake for “Worst Returned RSVP Card.. ever”

 

It was addressed “To Mr. Friend and Guest. We have reserved two seats in your honor.” Comes back (without friend’s name) but has listed: “Mom, Dad, Foreign Exchange Student, and ‘Sorry, my brother won’t be able to make it. He has to work.’ “

….. There are no words.

Post # 21
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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StL.Ashley:  I just wanted to let you know that Fiance and I will be attending your wedding. He’ll have beef and I’ll have chicken. Super excited!

Post # 23
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - Forest in PA

I am really nervous about having this happen at our wedding. We just started getting our RSVPs back and I wrote how many seats we have reserved on each one and the guests invited on the envelopes AND the rsvp envelope. Already, someone subed out her 22 year old daughter who I am friends with for a man she is dating that I never even met. I am going to let this one slide, since it is an adult subbing for another adult,  and she is a very close family friend, however, it still kind of bugged me. I could have used that spot to invite one of my friends that I was unable to invite due to room. I am so scared that I will have people inviting their children! I don’t know what to say to them if they do.

Post # 24
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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StL.Ashley:  How thoughtful! I’ll bring my niece, it is always so fun having toddlers at weddings 😛

Post # 25
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Stand firm!  We had a few cousins try to get us to “just let the kids come”…..we held firm and explained that it was an adult wedding. 

I even put “we have reserved 2 seats in your honor” on the RSVP cards, so there would be no confusion and we still had a few ask. 

🙂

Post # 26
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I may be the odd man out here, but I kinda feel like if you send out an invitation for 2 people, then 2 people should be allowed to attend, regardless of who the guest is (barring, of course, children if it is an adult only event).  For example, my friend got married and I RSVPd for me and my Fiance.  He wasn’t back from work Out of Town in time, so I asked my sister to come with.  I didn’t really know anyone in her family or her friends, and I would have been a bit awkward sitting alone, but I really wanted to be there. 

I just think that if you send out an invitation for 2, expect a response for 2.  It just seems a bit rude to say “Thanks for your RSVP, Mrs. ________!  I’m sorry Mr. _______ cant come, but now I can invite my friend _______ instead.”

Post # 27
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 

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msfreemis:  I get what you’re saying, and do think that guest’s comfort in having a companion is important, but also feel like invites to a specific couple are sent to the unit (FI, spouse or couple) and not “either one of you plus another person you decide to swap it out for.” Sure, numbers-wise it doesn’t make a difference to the bride and groom, but at the end of the day, if everyone did that it would make for a lot of guests the couple does not know. If one half of the invited unit can’t go, then it is for the guest to decide whether to attend solo or decline. Or, at least ask the bride/groom before replacing with a different guest.

If it’s just “and guest” then I don’t see the problem. I’m just talking about when an invite is addressed to a specific couple, i think it is presumptuous for guests to decide the guest list.

Post # 28
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 

blushingbride2bee:  To be honest, I called my friend and said “FI can’t come, would you like to invite someone else or can my sister come instead?”.  She said whatever I wanted to do was fine, so I went ahead and brought my sister.  But I would agree that the guest should contact the bride/groom first to explain the situation and see if it’s ok before just showing up with someone else.

Post # 29
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 

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msfreemis:  Good for you! I agree that was the right thing to do. Honestly, if  a friend’s significant other couldn’t make it and they told me, I’d be totally fine with them bringing another guest. I would just find it strange to get an RSVP back with a different person all together! And in my case, we can’t invite cousins due to space – if an aunt said “my husband can’t come, so I’ll bring my daughter” I’d get a lot of issues in the family as to why 1 cousin and no others were there.

Post # 30
Member
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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Tallulah_:  Oh great, so this is what I’m in for? hahaha. Well, we are at max capacity in our venue as it is, I’m going to have my Future Mother-In-Law on phone calls duty! She’ll know what to do…. that woman has some guts hahaha.

 

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