- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014 - Outdoor/indoor
I have been engaged for nearly 3 years. My FI and I recently started the wedding planning process. Dress bought, plans being made… And then everything was immediately put on hold due to a family emergency. My FI’s 11 year old nephew called the police to report that he was being sexually molested by his stepfather. We were all devistated. FI’s sister is an awful mother. This I’ve known since the day I met her. Keeps her home looking like something off hoarders, kids running wild writing on walls, garbage everywhere, dirty laundry everywhere… No cleaning done whatsoever in years. No power or heat because she spends her money on Pot, cigarettes and Pepsi…. Anyway, naturally a huge police investigation and Child Services get involved. A protection order is put in place and the kids are to be nowhere near the sick molester. Low and behold, FI’s sister doesn’t abide by it. She allows the children to go to his house for him to watch them alone. Once police get notification of this the kids are removed and put into care.
The day it happened FI and I immediately called Child Services and told them we would take the boys. We have a big house, lots of room and we couldn’t bear to have them in a group home after all this trauma. It took two days for us to be approved and the boys moved in. FI and I do not have kids, but have been trying for a few years. I was excited to have the boys, both of us were.
Then it all came crashing down….
My FI is a long haul truck driver, so he’s out of town most weekdays some times all week and home on weekends. This is fine and I knew this going into giving care for the kids. Prior to the boys moving in, FI started hanging out with a new group of friends. I immediately did not care for them, they’re all drug users, heavy drinkers, no jobs….just not the type of people I surround myself with. I gave FI his freedom to go out abd do his thing from time to time with little say, until he admitted one weekend he used cocaine and Special K. I communicated my serious concern for his actions and that these people are a bad influence. It didn’t matter… He kept going out to see them anyway. once we got the boys I was furious that FI continued going out with on Fridays or Saturdays and not returning home until 5 am or later the next day Then sleeping the entire time he was home. I expressed that I needed him home as I work full time and take care of the boys all week. That he’s away and I miss him and need him to make home and family a priority. This falls on deaf ears. I have been left to take care of his nephews alone with little to no support from him.
As of saturday, it all came crashing down. I get home after a movie date with the eldest boy, and find FI in a nasty mood. He tells me he’s going out with his group of friends again and naturally I am LIVID. I try to plead for him to stay, that he has responsibility at home and he’s not owning up to his end of it. He leaves anyway. About 10 mins later he calls me…He tells me he’s going to leave me after the boys are returned home, which is estimated at a minimum of 5 months from now. He said his reason for this is because he keeps making me unhappy (by going out and drinking with his new friends). That he’s tired of hurting me ( he’s doing me a favor). He said he’s at the store and will come home so we can talk. He doesn’t come home for 24 hours.
Sunday after he’s home we attempt to talk, it goes nowhere. After some digging on my end, it all becomes clear. This last month and a bit he’s had his cell phone set up like Fort Knox, going out and not coming home. Being defensive, vague and evasive. Over this last month my intuition was telling me I was right, but I didn’t want to believe he was so horrible.
After a lot of tears and panic .. I finally have two questions for him. “Have you really been working out of town?” His answer is “No, not the entire time.” My next question, which I already knew the answer to… “Are you cheating on me?” His answer is “Yes.” He has been sleeping with someone else the entire time I have been at home, stressed to the limits raising his two nephews alone. Yes, he has being going and partying and sleeping with some girl he met through these friends while I am home ALONE taking care of HIS nephews. He left shortly after that like a coward, where he’s gone.. I don’t know.
I am now left with two boys to care for, a house we bought a year ago that I can’t afford on my own, two cars, a wedding dress, a ring that still being paid for and an absolutely shattered heart.
I have put my entire heart and soul into our relationship. I am beyond disgusted, angry and empty from his actions. I am truly at a loss and terrified. There is no repairing this. It’s over. This is beyond betrayal. I am trying to focus on the silver lining, we are not married (however we are common-law) and we didn’t have children together. i am hoping he will do the right thing until arrangements can be made. If not, a lawyer will need to be involved. In the long run, I know this is for the best, for my future. However, it will be a long and painful recovery for me. Thanks for listening.