- 2 weeks ago
I probably sound really petty and jealous posting this but I can’t help it. I’m anonymous for this because I know some family/friends possibly read here.
For New Years, myself and my boyfriend, my sister and her boyfriend and my boyfriend’s cousin went to Niagara Falls. This is the first NYE his cousin has legally been able to drink so we decided to invite her along, and my sister’s boyfriend had never been to Niagara Falls and neither had my boyfriend’s cousin so we were excited to take them.
My sister has been dating her boyfriend for 13 months. After the NYE countdown her boyfriend proposed. It was a complete surprise. My sister who had no idea it was coming. Her boyfriend had told my boyfriend’s cousin only a few minutes before the countdown so she could get it on video for them. It was romantic, the ring is beautiful and her boyfriend said romantic stuff (how he wanted to marry her since the moment they met, how he wanted to start the year off by being engaged and how nothing can keep a man in love from marrying the woman he loves). We were in public and there was a crowd of people who cheered and clapped. He told everyone a story of how they met at a military reserves training event and were both bundled up and covered in snow and he still thought she was the most beautiful woman. My sister was in complete shock and they both cried.
Besides telling my boyfriend’s cousin a few minutes beforehand the only other person her boyfriend told was one of his own cousins because that cousin lives/works in Japan and he wanted to make sure he had advanced notice so he could save some time off from work to come to the wedding (the rest of his relatives and all of our relatives live in this city or within a one hour drive of it as do their friends so no one else needed such advance notice). Even my parents were completely surprised. He hadn’t talked to my dad beforehand and so my dad and mom were just as shocked but happy as my sister was.
I know I sound like a horrible person and I should be happy for my sister but when we got back to our room I cried. I told my boyfriend I needed a warm shower because it was cold and wet out but the shower was just an excuse so I could cry without anyone hearing.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and there is no proposal in sight. When the wedding happens it will be just fter our 6th anniversary and we will both have turned 30. My sister and her boyfriend will be 26 and together for 4 times less than us (1.5 years vs 6 years) when they get married. My sister and my mom are already into wedding planning. My boyfriend’s cousin told a few people in his family including his parents about the New Years trip and the proposal she was part of. We are going to my boyfriend’s parents for New Years Day dinner and I am already dreading people asking questions about when we are getting married. They do that anyways but the NYE trip is just going to add to it.
Even with the waiting I thought I would be married before my sister. My sister and I are the oldest of all or cousins on both sides of the family by far (they are 17 and under and still in middle or high school) and I was with my boyfriend for so long while my sister was single for most of it so I always thought I would be first. Same with having kids. My sister is talking about babies soon and since my cousins are light years away from kids I thought I would be the first of my generation to have kids in my family. My boyfriend is the second youngest in his families besides the cousin who came with us. All of his cousins are much older and are already married with more than one child before I met him. We have a few friends who are married but those happened for reasons like getting on insurance or because someone got a great job and was moving far away. I guess there being a dire reason made it easy for me not to be jealous. The rest are in grad school or still single. None have kids yet. Since there hasn’t been much wedding stuff with friends and none with family I could put it out of my mind. But now that is out the window with my sister being engaged.
I don’t understand why he is dragging his feet. He is a good man and I love him. I am hesitant to leave an otherwise great person over not being married. He says he wants marriage. We have talked about the future. We bought a condo together and we agreed we both want marriage with each other. We have good jobs and no debt but the mortgage. I thought living together would bring the next step. But it hasn’t happened. I know he loves me and he is the best boyfriend. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t propose already. He knows I want marriage. My sister’s boyfriend said in his proposal that if a man wants to marry his love nothing will stop him. I know the proposal had zero to do with me but that stung me because I thought about my boyfriend and why he hasn’t asked yet. I know my boyfriend hasn’t planned anything, doesn’t have any plan and hasn’t saved for any ring. I don’t need a big ring or elaborate proposal but he has no plan at all. My sister’s proposal made him say he can’t wait to be married to me one day. But he has no plans to make it happen. I know I should be happy for my sister. But I am just crushed. If I got a proposal tomorrow she would be over the moon for me and she would love it that we could plan together. She wouldn’t even care that the attention would be off her. I talked to my boyfriend today and seeing the proposal hasn’t stirred any feeling in him or lit any other kind of fire under him.
When I talked to my parents today and it was mentioned that in the old traditional days of our culture a younger sister couldn’t marry before her older sister(s) my dad jokingly said that no one expects my sister to wait another 5 years. I know what he meant but that still stung. I want my boyfriend to talk to my dad and he hasn’t even done that. My dad would be thrilled. My parents love him and would love me to marry him.
People always ask when we are getting married and ask after every vacation we take and every holiday or birthday if we are engaged. At the New Years thing where my sister got engaged for the rest of the night people would say to me and my boyfriend “Oh you were with the girl who got engaged right?”
Sorry for the novel. I haven’t been able to get this out anywhere else. I know I sound like an awful sister and should stop crying and count my blessings (my health, a healthy loving family, a good job, no debt, a beautiful home, a good man from a great family who loves me) and I have tried to think of how lucky I am but it hadn’t worked. Sorry for any typos. I’m a bit teary and on mobile.
Thank you for listening. Just needed to post with waiting bees who understand.