(Closed) nagged and cried and it worked BUT

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

you know… now that I think back about it… I may have been a little pushy about him proposing too.

After me moving from MI to LA, and him saying for a year that he wanted to marry me, and he couldn’t wait for me to be his wife, and on and on about all that, I finally wasn’t so subtle about dropping hints to him.

Then one day we were talking about it, and I said what are we waiting for? lol. I went to Zales, picked out the ring I liked and he went and bought it. He proposed that night.

I don’t feel guilty. It’s what we both really wanted. He’s not the romantic plan out the sweetest proposal type guy anyway. (he proposed right before we went to sleep, while sitting on the edge of the bed! lol)

He still always tells me how much he wants me to be his wife, we still always talk about our future and how excited we are about everything, just now we actually have the date set to be husband and wife.

People ask me if I was surprised or want to know how he proposed, and I just tell them, no it wasn’t a surpise we have been talking about it for a while now. 

Sometimes guys need a little… encouragement. LOL. That’s probably sugar coating it.  But I guess my point is, don’t feel bad about it, just enjoy your engagement!

Post # 33
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

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@misskarianne:

I don’t feel guilty. It’s what we both really wanted. He’s not the romantic plan out the sweetest proposal type guy anyway. (he proposed right before we went to sleep, while sitting on the edge of the bed! lol)

__________

Meh, my guy isn’t either.  At ALL and even he planned a picnic. 

I dont’ know if everyone telling the OP to ‘not worry and that the feelings of guilt will fade’.  Sure they will fade but why not fix your mistake (bullying someone into proposing before they’re ready is just that…a mistake)  You do have the power to make amends.

 

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@sweetcarrie:

am getting more ok with it as we talk more about planning and he seems ok with it. so while i feel better about going forward, it did “ruin” the proposal and i will never really be able to change that.


Thats not really true.  But to each their own.

Post # 34
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@2PeasinaPod: Thank you! I was just about to say that IMO the OP is getting some really terrible advice.

I don’t agree that he never would have proposed if he hadn’t already wanted to. Occasionally we all feel pressured into doing or saying something we don’t really want to because we feel as though we need to make someone else happy. That doesn’t mean it’s right, and it doesn’t mean it’s genuine.

If I were the OP I’d want to sit down with my BF asap and really discuss if he’s ready to take that step. If he needs more time, give him more time! It doesn’t mean you have to break up, but let him propose in his own way when he feels it’s the right time, not because of some stupid deadline you gave him.

Post # 35
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Oneeleven:  Well I agree that if she is feeling THAT bad about it, she should do what you mentioned, and maybe give the ring back and let him do it on his own terms.  But also it sounds like she (they?) set a timeline and then he followed it. I don’t see what there is to feel bad about with that… unless he wasn’t okay with that timeline. Just because he proposed ON the last day of “when to be engaged by” doesn’t mean she forced him.

I guess every story/couple is different. I never actually felt like I was pressuring or forcing my Fiance. I just was tired of him saying how much he wanted it, and then he would never do anything about it. He talked about it more than I did! lol    =)

Edit-  I was seriously about to just go get a ring and propose to HIM!  😉

Post # 37
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree that he wouldn’t have finally proposed, prodded or not, if he didn’t really want to get engaged and marry you. I also threw several huge fits and threatened to leave my DH (then BF) if he didn’t propose by X date and you better believe he stretched it out until the absolute last day possible, but he proposed! And it was great and now we look back at it and laugh together. He thanks me for sticking up for myself when it came to the engagement because he’s so much happier now that things are official and he’s man enough to admit he was wrong for failing to be more proactive about us getting engaged.

Post # 38
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

First of all congrats!! Thats so exciting 🙂 and rest assured that if he didnt want to propose he wouldnt have!! Be happy!!

Post # 39
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@Oneeleven: Apologies! I have to admit, I skimmed a little instead of reading all the comments. I definitely agree with you, and there are a few others who have posted that feel the same way. It just seemed like our opinion wasn’t the majority in this thread.

Post # 41
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

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@MrsMcGyro:

No worries!  I was half teasing you

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@sweetcarrie:

And I know what you mean about ‘blow out’.  My fight with him before was “why can’t we be engaged before you deploy?  You were engaged to your ex wife before you deployed and left her… why can’t I have that same comfort?”

You’re not alone

Post # 42
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

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@MrsMcGyro: I disagree that she is getting a lot of bad advice. I think other bees are trying to be comforting because she sounds so upset during what should be a really happy time. I agree that nagging is not ideal and we should try to refrain from it…but that isn’t really the point in my mind. I do agree with your suggestion that she should ask her Fiance if he felt pressured and if he would like to cool off. But, please, OP if he says he is fine, then take his word for it and really try and enjoy your engagement

Post # 44
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m glad everything is working out for you!  I’m one of those ladies that believes that women can propose to men if they feel the time is right to take that step, so I don’t think you did anything wrong at all!  It doesn’t sound like you coerced him!  A marriage is a partnership and it sounds like you two are working towards that goal together.  I know that so many women think that the proposal is a magical surprise moment and I can see how important that can be.  Maybe one day your future husband will surprise you with a vow renewal out of the blue or a wonderful gift or something equally amazing!  

Post # 45
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m really glad that you sat down and talked with him about everything and you feel better about getting married. At the end of the day, you marrying him is what matters most. 

Post # 46
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sometimes it doesnt matter how you get somewhere. What matters is how you feel once you are there and where you are going. The journey doesnt seem so important then.

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