Naive husband

posted 11 months ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I’m so confused. Can you not just tell his cousin to f*** off? Every other person on earth has a creep relative.

As for the insults… idk… if he doesn’t care, you should maybe relax. If it’s you be insulted, then just stand up for yourself I guess? But when it’s him and he doesn’t care, just let it go.

TBH you married him and you knew he was like this so… I don’t know what really to tell you.

Post # 3
Member
4054 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It sounds like you really want him to be someone he isn’t. 

Post # 4
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee

Is this skibum again??

Post # 5
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I do not understand why you live with his mum, why you married him, why looking after a plant is a problem or why his cousin would want to get involved in this madness.

When he told you he had to leave work for anxiety and you said he should have worded it better – do you think that’s helpful or supportive in any way? 

You didn’t like him before you got married and you don’t like him now. Go find yourself a humourless macho man and be happy. 

Post # 6
Member
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Stop being a yes man to your family and say NO for once or ask me!

It is ironic that you keep calling him “naive” and “dumb” and want him to stand up for himself and not do what his family want him to do, but the reality is you want him to do what you want. 

What is wrong with the cousin coming over on a work night? God forbid! Maybe your husband wanted the cousin to come over?

You insult your own husband just as much as you are saying everyone else is so perhaps you should look at your own behaviour. 

I don’t really understand why any of the things you are annoyed about are actually problems, it doesn’t sound like he is doing anything wrong it just sounds like you don’t like him 

Post # 7
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - United Kingdom

zzar45 : this post… thank you! you said everything I wanted to say 

Post # 8
Member
5557 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

That’s EXACTLY what someone with anxiety needs. Tell him that he should have told work about his leave of absence in a different way. 🙄 Like it’s an easy thing to ask for a leave of absence, now you’re putting it in his head that he did it the wrong way.

You don’t even like him. Why not move out of his moms house and stay somewhere else for a bit. He’s bitch eating crackers status for you, and you need to figure out if that can be changed on your end.

Post # 9
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

I can relate on a MUCH lesser scale. My SO was bullied a lot in school and became used to it. He used to have a few crumby friends who would pick at him and me. He actually had the mindset that he was supposed to get over it. I told him not only should he not accept being treated that way but that I absolutely was not going to accept being treated that way and that if he didnt say something, I would. I only let me witness them picking on him and me twice before speaking up, you should have done the same. Dating is a great time to make your standards known. So tell your husband to stick up for you and if he doesnt then why put up with that? Stand up for yourself. And buy some pepper spray for that creepy cousin.

ETA You also need to watch the way you speak to him as your husband and as someone who has anxiety. My boyfriend has some quirks when speaking that at first irked me but I came to realize thatd just how he is. He’s sometimes overly polite and I used to think to myself “This is how I’d handle it” but everyone thinks differently and nitpicking how he asks for a leave of absence isnt a good sign of you being a supportive partner.

Post # 10
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

His family does sound a bit terrible, or at least tonedeaf, but you don’t sound much better.  If your husband is anxious to stand up to people, have you ever thought that it might be because he’s been beaten down so much in life?  What help is it to him if you’re doing the same thing?  What ever happened to building up our significant others and encouraging them?  And why can’t you stand up for yourself?

Post # 11
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Doesn’t sound like you really want to him stand up for himself. You insult him, have no respect for him, and want him to be something that he’s not. It doesn’t sound like he’s the problem….. 

Post # 13
Member
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

fedupwife94 :   I can legit say I’ve been abused on this site and you all would find a way to blame me. I’ve seen it happen in other posts as well.

Well that isn’t true at all. What are these posts you have seen?

Sorry you didn’t get what you were looking for, but many posters have pointed out that your post is lacking in detail and we all seem confused about the issues and how they have become such big problems to you.

Feel free to post in more detail and there will be many posters offering you advice. 

 

I’m sure the irony will be lost on you but I found it funny that while you are crying “I could be abused and you big meanies would still tell me I was wrong” you are calling your husband “dumb” “naive” and “clueless” etc over and over in your post.  

Post # 14
Member
1195 posts
Bumble bee

You’ve been fighting over this for five years, but only married for two?  Bee, I’m sorry to have to point this out, but when you married him as he is, you accepted him as he is.  If these were fundamental issues, you should have worked on them before marriage or not married him at all. 

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