Post # 1
hi bees I have been married for about two years now/ knew my husband for five years. I am so sick of him being naive. We live with his mom and on our way out now, but the things he does irks me. He lets people insult him, never defends me once dating or married and just lets his family use him. His mom hated me initially but now adores me bc she got to know me initially she had so much assumptions about me and would never say hi to me. His aunt used to call me his ex girlfriends name and laugh she did this over 15 times as a joke. He never said anything. His cousins husband said he had the worst Benz of all time. Mind u my husband has a masters and is a professor part time he worked hard for his money. He called his cousin to say hi and his aunt told her son to not go to him right in front his face. So the point of this post is he has a cousin his age who smokes weed all day his parents are rich so he doesn’t work. This cousin has been fresh with me at his grandmas funeral and I told my husband he didn’t believe me and said that’s how he is! He even asked my husband to let me go with him alone to the club I told my husband see!!! He’s coming at your wife how obvious is that. His cousin is using any possible way to see me and I’m not comfortable with it or the fact that I have such a clueless husband who trusts everyone! So it’s 10pm on a work night and my husband tells me oh my cousin wants us to watch his plant he’s goin away for the holidays I said are u kidding me on a work night tell him no! But it is his moms house so I let it be. Darling Husband said cousin won’t stay long. I went to shower came out and they are all hanging out. I got sooo furious and said how naive and dumb can you be! Why can’t you just say no to your family and put me first. I am not a selfish person I just donated toys to a kids hospital. My husband believes in doing good for others so I tell him let’s go volunteer for people who need it. Stop being a yes man to your family and say NO for once or ask me! I’m so frustrated to the point where I don’t feel he would be a responsible father one day. He’s so oblivious and only sass the good in people to the point where it’s dangerous! I am angry and sad that I chose to be with him. How do I make this right! I communicated already and told him everything but when it comes action time he makes the dumbest decisions. He’s on a football team and all his friends say he is naive! One guy called him a puny stick and I’m like how do u let him insult you like that he laughed it off. He told his boss he needed a leave for anxiety issues I told him he could’ve worded it better and say since his dad passed things have been rough. Ugh I need advice on how to cope. Time for a divorce? Is this fixable? We been fighting for FIVE years due to him being so naive!
Post # 2
I’m so confused. Can you not just tell his cousin to f*** off? Every other person on earth has a creep relative.
As for the insults… idk… if he doesn’t care, you should maybe relax. If it’s you be insulted, then just stand up for yourself I guess? But when it’s him and he doesn’t care, just let it go.
TBH you married him and you knew he was like this so… I don’t know what really to tell you.
Post # 3
It sounds like you really want him to be someone he isn’t.
Post # 5
I do not understand why you live with his mum, why you married him, why looking after a plant is a problem or why his cousin would want to get involved in this madness.
When he told you he had to leave work for anxiety and you said he should have worded it better – do you think that’s helpful or supportive in any way?
You didn’t like him before you got married and you don’t like him now. Go find yourself a humourless macho man and be happy.
Post # 6
Stop being a yes man to your family and say NO for once or ask me!
It is ironic that you keep calling him “naive” and “dumb” and want him to stand up for himself and not do what his family want him to do, but the reality is you want him to do what you want.
What is wrong with the cousin coming over on a work night? God forbid! Maybe your husband wanted the cousin to come over?
You insult your own husband just as much as you are saying everyone else is so perhaps you should look at your own behaviour.
I don’t really understand why any of the things you are annoyed about are actually problems, it doesn’t sound like he is doing anything wrong it just sounds like you don’t like him
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2018 - United Kingdom
zzar45 : this post… thank you! you said everything I wanted to say
Post # 8
That’s EXACTLY what someone with anxiety needs. Tell him that he should have told work about his leave of absence in a different way. 🙄 Like it’s an easy thing to ask for a leave of absence, now you’re putting it in his head that he did it the wrong way.
You don’t even like him. Why not move out of his moms house and stay somewhere else for a bit. He’s bitch eating crackers status for you, and you need to figure out if that can be changed on your end.
Post # 9
I can relate on a MUCH lesser scale. My SO was bullied a lot in school and became used to it. He used to have a few crumby friends who would pick at him and me. He actually had the mindset that he was supposed to get over it. I told him not only should he not accept being treated that way but that I absolutely was not going to accept being treated that way and that if he didnt say something, I would. I only let me witness them picking on him and me twice before speaking up, you should have done the same. Dating is a great time to make your standards known. So tell your husband to stick up for you and if he doesnt then why put up with that? Stand up for yourself. And buy some pepper spray for that creepy cousin.
ETA You also need to watch the way you speak to him as your husband and as someone who has anxiety. My boyfriend has some quirks when speaking that at first irked me but I came to realize thatd just how he is. He’s sometimes overly polite and I used to think to myself “This is how I’d handle it” but everyone thinks differently and nitpicking how he asks for a leave of absence isnt a good sign of you being a supportive partner.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
His family does sound a bit terrible, or at least tonedeaf, but you don’t sound much better. If your husband is anxious to stand up to people, have you ever thought that it might be because he’s been beaten down so much in life? What help is it to him if you’re doing the same thing? What ever happened to building up our significant others and encouraging them? And why can’t you stand up for yourself?
Post # 11
Doesn’t sound like you really want to him stand up for himself. You insult him, have no respect for him, and want him to be something that he’s not. It doesn’t sound like he’s the problem…..
Post # 11
I can legit say I’ve been abused on this site and you all would find a way to blame me. I’ve seen it happen in other posts as well. Oh well thanks for nothing
Post # 12
No but put them in touch with me. mrsaime :
Post # 13
fedupwife94 : I can legit say I’ve been abused on this site and you all would find a way to blame me. I’ve seen it happen in other posts as well.
Well that isn’t true at all. What are these posts you have seen?
Sorry you didn’t get what you were looking for, but many posters have pointed out that your post is lacking in detail and we all seem confused about the issues and how they have become such big problems to you.
Feel free to post in more detail and there will be many posters offering you advice.
I’m sure the irony will be lost on you but I found it funny that while you are crying “I could be abused and you big meanies would still tell me I was wrong” you are calling your husband “dumb” “naive” and “clueless” etc over and over in your post.
Post # 14
You’ve been fighting over this for five years, but only married for two? Bee, I’m sorry to have to point this out, but when you married him as he is, you accepted him as he is. If these were fundamental issues, you should have worked on them before marriage or not married him at all.