Naive husband

posted 12 months ago in Beehive
Post # 15
Member
2885 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

fedupwife94 :  Saying you’ve been “abused” on this forum is very dramatic, your post is angrier and more mean spirited than any of the responses. 

You sound young and immature, I assume you are 24-25 based on your user name. Stop trying to get your husband to be someone he’s not, relationships don’t work like that.

Also, how is he naive for having his cousin over?? You throw around the word naive a lot in your post but none of it really makes a lot of sense.

Post # 16
Member
2517 posts
Sugar bee

You say your husband drives a Mercedes and “worked hard for his money” which makes it sound like he’s doing quite well financially. If that’s the case, why don’t you move out of his mom’s house and get your own apartment away from his family? Many of these issues could be solved by interacting with them less. Most of us would go crazy if we lived with our in laws too. 

I do agree with you that it’s a problem that your husband doesn’t stand up for you or at least take your side when his family is disrespectful to you, especially when his cousin made an inappropriate pass at you. That would not be okay with me, and I’d be having a serious discussion with my husband about why that was disappointing. I can see why you would be upset that he was treating his cousin like everything was normal after that. 

Aside from cutting back the amount of time you spend with his family by moving to a different apartment/neighborhood and attending fewer events with his aunt and cousin, it sounds like you two could use couples therapy. It seems like there’s a lot of resentment and anger here and it’s not going to get resolved without concerted effort. 

 

Post # 17
Member
10029 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Hold up! His cousin said you had the worst Benz???!??

Post # 18
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

Pardon?

 

Hot mess… I have no advice.

Post # 19
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

The advice I can give you is that my ex was not naive, but he was always WAY more loyal to his family than he was me. Never changed. If he does not have your back in debates now, he never will. We could have a dinner party planned with friends, but if his brother needed him (often just to complain about his shitty life), he’d be there and ditch our plans. 

 

Regarding the inappropriate cousin, my ex had a close friend who was very similar with me. He would literally grab at me (even breasts), and my ex did not say a peep, but if I so much as smiled at a male employee in a store who’d helped us with something, he’d go bananas. 

 

I don’t see this changing, so you really need to decide if you should stay in this relationship. 

Post # 21
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

If you want your husband to stand up for you and himself, maybe you should stop emasculating him. Maybe you should try building him up instead of tearing him down for not being the man you think he should be. 

Post # 22
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee

Looks like your husband has moved from one controlling, abusive situation to another. 

Post # 25
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think you emasculate him quite a bit. And you don’t accept him. 

My husband is 29, and he has a very sweet/innocent vibe in which many people call him naive. 

Move-out from your in-laws. 

Post # 26
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

fedupwife94 :  You knew that this was his interpersonal pattern five years ago. What made you marry him?

Spoiler alert: you’re not going to strong arm him into changing. Given that, what are your hopes for the relationship? We can’t change others, we can only  change our reactions.

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