Post # 1
Alright so, I’m a 22 year old female that’s pretty much been taken care of all my life and essentially sheltered as well. My dilemma is that my fiance and I are getting married but not telling my parents. It’s kind of long and complicated story but basically were getting married because hes leaving for basic then airforce active duty and we want to get the marriage paperwork in for processing so we can move together when the time comes. We still plan to do a ceremony but were just doing this small one for paperwork. Anyway I havent told my parents because they dont agree and i really dont wanna hear their judgement anymore and theyll get the traditional wedding they want. But to the question if I were to keep my maiden name do I still have to let my parents insurance know? I never really go to the doctor so i dont know if that makes a difference. My other question is can I change my name of the marriage certificate later? I know I can legally change it later but I’m curious about the marriage certificate aspect. I’d appreciate any help one this thank you!
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
As long as you are under age 26, you can stay on your parent’s insurance regardless of martial status.
I guess the bigger question would be why you’re getting married if you’re still at a point where you need to hide it from your parents while remaining on their insurance. I mean, it just doesn’t exactly scream “I’m independent and ready for the major commitment of marriage” you know?
Post # 3
You are an adult, so you get to be married if you want to be. But being adult also means taking responsibility for the choices you make in your life. Being deceitful to people who care about you just because it makes it easier for you is not a very mature way to handle an issue. Better to face the problem: sit your parents down, tell them what you have decided and why, and let them have their say. Listen to what they have to tell you with an open mind. For example, they may feel you are too young, or maybe you haven’t been together that long. Maybe they have concerns about your fiance. Those are legitimate reasons to take pause, but ultimately if it is what you decide to do, then thank them for their input and tell them you are sticking by your decision and hope for their support. That’s all you can do.
Post # 4
I think if you want to get married to your boyfriend before he goes to basic you need to be honest with your parents. Not really independent if you need to depend on them for health insurance.
Post # 5
“Not really independent if you need to depend on them for health insurance.”
This is pretty common in today’s economy and is not indicative of whether someone is “independent” or not. However, the OP said herself that she has been sheltered and taken care of her whole life, so I am assuming that her parents are also her major source of financial support in other ways. OP, your marriage will eventually be revealed and I think it will go down better if you are honest from the get-go, rather than having a secret marriage. This will be a chance for you to start an adult life where you are no longer sheltered and taken care of and where you make your own decisions. The first step towards that might be beginning down the road to financial independence in whatever ways work for you, whether that means employment, schooling or some combination. If you are living at home, make a plan to save so you can move out on you own. It easier to make your own decisions when you are financially free to do so.
Post # 6
is there a reason you can’t join your husband’s insurance after the wedding? I think it’s pretty crappy to lie to your parents to get them to keep supporting you financially.
Post # 7
I agree with the PPs.
Maybe your parents are aware of those head over heals military marriages that don’t end too well. I see that all the time… it’s kinda sad. Plus you and your future husband should know by now that you would be on Tricare right after he signs up. This is a sign to me that you haven’t thought this through too well. Also when you put your new name on the marriage certificate you still can keep your maiden name until you actually make the change legal. Also with the military you can go under your married name and still be under your maiden name with SS and such.
I get that you want to be on his orders once he’s done with the Basic Training. Especially when he gets orders for OCONUS. I totally do. Also that you don’t want your boyfriend to have to stay in a dorm while you can’t. But if you are willing to do this then stand by your decision. Tell your parents and have at least a small wedding ceremony. You might not have a chance later. This is also something I see a lot. 19 year olds getting a quick courthouse wedding and then they are harboring resentment for a long time becaue they missed out. Of course there’s a difference wether he plans to stay in for 3-4 years or make a career out of it.