(Closed) Name Change Anxiety

posted 7 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I kind of felt the same way, but it was after the wedding.  I didn’t even think about it and was at a political function, they didn’t have my name on the list even though I had already paid for the event.  The girls at the front table went to ask the state chairman about it and he didn’t know me by my new name, when he came to the front he, of course, knew me and let me in.  It was then I started to wonder if I should keep my maiden name at least professionally, I spent 40 years working all over the country under that name and how the heck are all these people suppose to remember someone with a name they have never heard before.  Still freaks me out, I have dabbled with going back into my profession but I do love my new name, what to do, oh what to do.

Post # 5
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

How attached are you to your current middle name? You could always make your maiden name your middle name instead of your current one, and still take your FI’s last name as your new last name. There are plenty of bees who have done this and they seem pretty happy with that compromise.

Post # 7
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

Your feelings are totally normal! And I completely understand all the reasons you don’t want to change your name–they’re a huge part of the reason why both my Fiance and I are hyphenating our last names. Neither one of us wanted to totally lose our last names, so we’ll have both. 

Have you considered dropping your middle name and replacing it with your middle name? I know a lot of women do this, like my mom, and it’s a great solution for women who feel that four names would be too much. Just something to consider. In any event, don’t make a decision you’re not comfortable with, and you don’t have to decide anything right away. You have time to think about it and get used to whatever you decide to do. Even though I’m not giving up my last name, I still feel anxious about adding FI’s last name to mine. It is a new identity in a lot of ways, and that’s strange to get used to!

Post # 9
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@TrooUPnorthe:  Oh gosh, I haven’t check it if a few days.  Sorry.

OMG! That is exactly the type of thing I was looking for, THANKS!  How can you not love anything with pudding?!

Post # 11
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I kinda have similar situation! =) People call me by a part of my last name, nobody calls me by my first. I also have been using my own last name in official papers and essays for work-related thingy, so I was a little concerned when I thought about replacing my last name with my FH’s. Finally I decided to append his last name so I will end up having two. I didn’t have any middle name before, so I will then have three names only. However, the two last names business will be a legal matter. I kinda think to ONLY use my FH’s last name for informal and casual affairs, and using both last names for academic and formal writings (I’m working as a researcher). Well, I wonder if this is going to be confusing. Or maybe more like using just the initial letter for my own last name (e.g. Hillary R. Clinton).

Post # 12
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I definitely had the same experience.  I never realized how attached I was to my last name until we got engaged.  My last name represents my family’s background.  And there aren’t many people living that still carry the name so it was really tough.  But, it was important to my husband that we have the same last name and I agreed.  Once you complete the paperwork, you might just be ok with it.  I was, I kinda just stopped worrying about it.

Post # 13
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@TrooUPnorthe:

Can you add a middle name without dropping your existing one? I’m not sure how it works in the US as far as paperwork goes, but I’ve occasionally seen Americans with double middle names, though it’s uncommon.

Regarding name changes and careers, I think it’s fine to legally change your name and continue using your maiden name in your career, especially if you have a reputation attached to that name. It really depends on where you are in your career; I know my mother faced a similar dilemma when she divorced, whether to keep her married name because they had married young and all her diplomas etc. were in her married name. She went back to her maiden name and decided to stick with her maiden name when she later remarried.

Post # 14
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ditaaaaa:

I think that especially in academia, it’s common for women to use double surnames. I see that on papers a lot. I think because there’s so much emphasis on reputation and credit. If I see Jane Smith and sometime later Jane Wilson, I would probaby never make the connection. But if I were familiar with the work of Jane Smith and later I saw Jane Smith Wilson, I’d at least have the idea they ccould be the same person.

Post # 15
Member
2793 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I felt similarly to you at the beginning because I was the last one in the family with my last name. It all ended with me 🙁

But now that it’s changed, I’m getting used to it, and starting to love it 🙂 Now I love representing my husband and his family name, more than my own.

It’ll get easier!

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