(Closed) name change decision???

posted 10 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ehh…it sounds like your plan will still be a lot of work, and still cause confusion amongst a bank, health insurance, payroll, passport, license, etc.

I think you should just change it if you can (just FH name) and drop the ex. You dont need to “prove” a connection to a school regarding your sons. In this day of age, parents have different last names, you’re not the only one who’s remarried before.

I know its a pain. In a matter of 3 years I’ve gone from maiden name to married, back to maiden and I’m preparing to take my FH name.

I know the people at the Social Security office by name.

Post # 4
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

All I can offer is sympathy!  I did not change my name back in 1977, when I first got married.  And I did not change it in 2009, when I remarried.  My children have never had the same last name as me.  However, they don’t have the same last name as most of their relatives (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins), so they never thought of my having a different name from them as especially weird.  I am so thankful at this point that I never got started with the whole name-changing thing.

Post # 5
7873 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am going to keep my ex’s last name and hyphenate it with FI’s.  It seems right to me.

Post # 6
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m thinking adding a second middle name will be as much trouble as changing your name.  I am still using checks in my maiden name with no problems after being married a year.  I haven’t changed my passport because we are not planning on going out of the country for a bit and it hasn’t expired yet.  This was a little bit of a pain to get my clearance at work but not the end of the world.

Post # 7
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I understand having the kids and hyphening the last name, but how does your Fiance feel about this?  I know if I didn’t change my name my Fiance would be insulted, but that is his feelings and not that of every man.  I think you should talk this out with your Fiance and get his opinion, tell him your thinking and I think  you will come up with the answer.  If my son were younger, I would be hyphening mine.

Post # 8
29 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

I also kept my ex’s last name after we divorced.  I was going to continue to keep this name after my marriage.  It’s the name I have used professionally and am know with in my work community.

This plan was not well accepted by my second husband.  I saw how important it was to him that I change my name and lose the ex’s name, so I did out of respect for him.  The name change process was not nearly as overwhelming as I thought it would be, and people I work with have grown accustomed to using my new name.  It’s been not quite a year now and I too have become used to the new name.  I fought it at first because I didn’t really want to give up the old name… but now I’m glad I did.  

Post # 9
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have too been agonizing over this very issue.

My Fiance wants me to have his last name and so do I, but I am a mom of an 11 year old boy and know it could be sad to have a different name than my son.

Originally after divorcing the ex, I hyphenated my name with my maiden-ex last name and am wondering how to handle this.

My son actually approached me and asked if he could have my FI’s last name or my maiden name for last name.  It really makes me upset sometimes but know we need to find a solution to this one.

It is really a daunting task isn’t it?

Post # 10
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I was in a similar situation.  I kept my ex-husband’s name after the divorce.  It was the name on my law school diploma and the only name I had ever practiced under.  My son has that last name.

I really thought a lot about what to do when I remarried. I am recognized by my ex-husband’s last name.  I was worried that changing it would be a problem…would potential clients find me?  When I submitted documents to a court, would anyone know who I was?

I considered being Neva Newhusband socially and Neva Exhusband legally, but didn’t really like the thought of keeping the ex’s name and using it on everything.  I then considered changing to Neva Newhusband legally and just using Neva Exhusband professionally, but that brought up quesions of whether that is allowed in my state.  I then considered maybe just being Neva Exhusband Newhusband professionally and Neva Newhusband legally and everywhere else,

Still, I changed my last name to my husband’s, keeping my middle name as my middle name and dropping my ex-husband’s name entirely.  Why?  Because I really, really didn’t want to keep the name of my ex-husband who was abusive.  My husband felt extremely strongly about that.  He would have had no problem with me retaining my maiden name, but he did not want his wife to be legally “Mrs. Exhusband.”

In the end, I realized I really wanted rid of that name too.  There are some downsides — I have a different last name than my son and I had to change my name in so many places I have lost count.  It will take some time for me to be known professionally as Neva Newhusband, so I have to explain a lot that I just married and changed my name.

It was all worth it for me though.  I love having the name of my husband and feel like a burden was lifted by getting rid of the exhusband’s name.  I would think you need to do what feels  best for you.  Every option has both advantages and disadvantages.  You have to choose the name that feels right for you

Post # 12
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Good Luck- I hope he will be understanding whatever you choose to do. These are your children, he needs to realize that.

Post # 13
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, I am in a similar boat (no children, but an ex whose last name I’ve been using professionally for years). However, after mulling it over in my mind, I’ve decided that the best thing for all is to change my last name. My FH is someone I’ve known for 30 years, and we really should have married years ago, so I’m doing it. The heck with those who don’t understand, and may heaven bless their luck at not having to face this issue themselves.

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