(Closed) Name Change Dilemma — disagreement with fiance :(

posted 4 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your name. Your decision.

Post # 3
Member
4080 posts
Honey bee

tulippoplar:  A few things:

Your name, your decision. If he doesn’t like it, oh well.

If his name is so important to him that he would not consider changing it, why should your name be any less important to you?

Tell him to look up the history of women changing their last name. It has to do with us being considered property in the old days. 

 

I am NOT knocking anyone who does decide to change their name. But in the end, it’s up to that person to make that choice.

Post # 4
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I agree with PP. I’m having a hard time with my name change because my kids will have a different last night (my ex husbands **gag**). If you don’t want to change your name don’t.

Post # 5
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I’m surprised he’s still not on board by you compromising to be FName LName HisLastName! What is his reasoning for wanting you to completely change it?

Post # 6
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

stephanie091512:  That was his suggestion 🙂

”He wants me to be FName LName HisLastNamel”

Post # 7
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

Tell him you want him to change his last name to yours. When he objects, as he most certainly will, remind him that the feeling is mutual. Then do what you want, because its your name. I think your compromise is pretty fair 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee

What’s he worried about? Your childrens’ last names? That’s the only thing I could kinda understand, but yeah, it’s your decision ultimately 

Post # 9
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

rendezvous89:  yeah, but he doesnt even want her to use it, even though he suggested it. Which is dumb. 

Post # 12
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

Your name, he can deal with it. Why does he have a problem with it, anyway? Tradition is just tradition. If you like it, great! If you don’t, just don’t do it. If its a macho or a possessive thing he needs to get over himself. You agree to marry him, he didn’t throw you over his shoulders and claim you like a neanderthal.

Post # 13
Member
4820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

tulippoplar:   As others have said, it’s your name, your identity, and your choice.  He isn’t changing his name – how would he feel if you asked him to and put conditions on it?

I kept my name legally but use my DH’s name socially.    I also have an advanced degree, have been published, and have built up name recognition in my career – I am not giving that up!  

 

Post # 14
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I’ve been really struggling with this too. You’re definitely not alone! I’ve been FName MName LName for the last 31 years and it’s been working out pretty well for me. As much as I dreamed about meeting the right guy and getting engaged/married, I’ve always been reticent about changing my name. Fiance said he really hopes I’ll take his last name, but it’s ultimately my decision, which is sweet of him. 

I think I’m going to do FName MaidenName FI’sLName and use my middle name as much as possible, especially professionally since I have some research publications under my birth name. I want our future kids to have his last name and I don’t want it to seem like we’re not married to outsiders, so I’m going to suck it up and make the change. :-/

Post # 15
Member
9530 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I agree with PPs.  He has no say, and him trying to force you to do what he wants is not ok.  It’s not YOU who needs to come to terms with HIS choice, it’s the other way around.

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