(Closed) Name change – don’t want to give up Dr. title

posted 11 years ago in Names
Post # 17
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow, that is crap that it’s optional. That’s not the way they do it over here πŸ™ I’d stick with your title. What does your FH have to say about the whole situation?

Post # 18
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m in the same situation.  I don’t know what to do though.  I will graduate with my doctorate less than a year after I’m married.  So if I wanted to change my name, my degree can say Dr. MyFirst HisLast.  But I’ve published under my maiden name, so a part of me wants to keep my maiden name until after I graduate (so it’s my maiden name on my diploma) and then…well I still don’t know what I want to do! I have thought of Dr. My First MyLast HisLast just so my maiden name is still there if I’m searched for but I also take on his name too.  My fiance is also a Dr so I guess it’s not so bad to be Drs. HisFirst HisLast lol!

Post # 19
604 posts
Busy bee

hha well then make it a point to be called what you want. If you can’t change his family, well change others. I want to be called Mrs. watever and please refer to me as that. His family is one thing society doesn’t matter because they will respect you and call you whatever you ask them to. lol I never knew anyone who had such a problem. I’ve had plenty of female professors who have always been addressed as Dr. if they have the title never Mrs. even if their husbands were Dr.’s too.

Ps. I never knew name changing etc. was such a hassle. Why not just hyphenate the name.

Post # 23
202 posts
Helper bee

My Future Mother-In-Law gasped when we told her that we’d need the spelling of the first names from her side of the family. She told my fiance that it shouldn’t matter because things are addressed Mr & Mrs. HislastName.  THANKFULLY, my fiance does not believe in that and told her that he would respect both the women and men by inviting them by name.


I’m thinking of doing First Name: MyFirst, Middle: MyMiddle, Last: HisLast MyLast  I have a few friends that have a space in their last name ( La Canita and Del Toro) so I figured that a space is easier than a hyphen (and it looks better).  This way I can keep my name professionally (I’m currently in a doctorate program) and HR won’t get confused but I’ll still share the same last name as my Fiance.

Just a thought!

Post # 25
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

πŸ™‚  I just wanted you to feel empowered.  You deserve your Dr. title!!!!

Miss Emily has become quite progressive these days πŸ˜‰

Post # 27
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

The only people who have called me Mrs. MyFirst His Last are my grandparents.  When people address you two, they should say Dr. and Mr. Smith if they don’t want to use your full names.

Post # 28
202 posts
Helper bee

My main reasons for keeping my name are: its my name (!) and I am already in my chosen career path. 

I grew up with a few friends from Latin America who get both their mother and father’s last name who have names as long as 30-40 characters so yours would not be that abnormal.  A few of these friends do not have middle names (while others do) and a few of them go officially by their first last name but their birth certificate/ss cards do accommodate for their longer names.

If your reasoning for not hyphenating/joining your last name is the amount of characters… its all in your head! Try to stop comparing yourself to society and instead do what you want to do!

Post # 29
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Who cares what etiquette dictates, most of those rules were written forever ago, in a different time and place! And heck, if I had a title such as Dr., and someone failed to address me by it, instead calling me Mrs. so and so… I’d be darn quick to correct them. πŸ˜‰

Post # 31
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Um, not to be contrarian, but how often is this really going to matter? How often do you get formally addressed mail? And how often do people follow the etiquette rules properly anyway, assuming there is even consensus on the matter? Even if you kept your maiden name, that won’t really stop people from addressing you as Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast—I have seen it happen a zillion times here on WB, no matter what the woman’s name really is. But really, an envelope address is not going to make or break you. And while you were annoyed with the waiter, there is no way he could have known that your proper title was Dr. πŸ™‚

In your day-to-day life, you can call yourself whatever you please. If you are a Dr. now, then changing your last name won’t change that. If you change from Smith to Jones then you can tell everyone to address you as Dr. Jones once you get married. Say it enough and it will stick in regular life, though there will always be people who address envelopes in ways that annoy you or that are incorrect. Heck, I changed my last name and got a wedding invitation addressed to my husband only—was I not even invited? (I was…they just didn’t put me on there. Hrrmph.)

I would make your decision on what you want to be called in your everyday life. If you want to take his last name and be Dr. Hislast, then do it. If you want to keep going by your maiden name, then keep it. But the bureaucracies of changing it, while annoying, really do not last that long in the grand scope of things. It’s way easier than planning a wedding. πŸ™‚

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