Name Change – I am AGONIZING over this

posted 7 months ago in Names
Post # 46
Member
1930 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

zzar45 :  I did take my husband’s name, and in doing so, I took his father’s name, and his father before him, and so on. If I had kept my father’s name, I would also have been keeping my grandfather’s name, etc. If my mother had kept her maiden name (she didn’t), then I would have been choosing between keeping my mother’s name or taking on my husband’s name, which is his father’s name. My first name is mine, will always be the same and will always be mine, and is not something inherently passed on. Now that I’ve chosen a last name, which was my husband’s, I also feel that my husband’s name is also my name, and I claim it, because I chose it. I could never see my father’s name as mine. It was his, I just inherited it, and I didn’t like the connection in it. 

However, by my own logic, if a woman chooses to keep her father’s name (I use these terms to denote origin) or never marry or change her name, than I guess that’d be her name too. If she had children, she would be passing her name down. 

ETA: Again, as I’ve admitted before in my posts, I do not have a close relationship with my father or a good history, and I admit that that very likely colors my perspective on this. I saw my maiden name as his, and I didn’t want it. 

Post # 47
Member
1930 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

personaperson :  My comment specifically calls out that this is tradition and is changing. Quoted from my comment, “You’ve inherited the name from a line of men (most likely), not your mother. That’s why I see it as your father’s name. It came from him, not the matriarch.

The other scenario, which will likely become more common as we move forward, is if your name came from your mother, as then your inheriting something from a woman.”

I specifically addressed what you’re saying already. I’ve repeatedly said that it should be a choice. No one should feel that they need to take their husband’s name because of tradition, just as no one should feel (like some of these posts suggest) they should keep their maiden name due to feminism. Women should have a choice in which they take, or if they combine, or create a new one altogether. 

Post # 48
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

I had been married once before and loved getting my maiden name back…  So I REALLY didn’t want to lose it again. I kept it and just did two middle names, hubby’s last name, no hyphenation.

So it’s…

First Middle Maiden Last

No regrets so far!

Post # 49
Member
39 posts
Newbee

I thought about this for a long time, and I was on the fence. 

 

Then I found out my passport was expiring, and I needed to get my a** in motion. I changed my last name because of the sole reason that I don’t have a good relationship with my father and I didn’t want to be tied to that last name anymore. You should’ve heard the pushback I got with wanting to change my name. My dad has told me that he would disown me, and that I would have to give him back all the money he spent to raise me.

 

Long story short, my name is now MyFirst HisLast. And I’m happy with that. (Signatures take a long time to change.) 

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