Post # 1
The big name change. The source of either joy and pain in every new marriage.
I dread changing my name. I do not want to. It seems like a big hassle. Change SS card, driver’s license, every credit card, insurance, utilities, etc…. Seems like a huge pain in the you know what. Not to mention, I really like my name!! It’s only 4 letters and now someone wants me to add 4 more leters. That doesn’t flow well when I write.
So my husband is adamant about me changing my name. I think it is unfair to force m to do something when I have do do all the work for it. Sure it’s easy for him to say change your name. He doesn’t have to change anything!!
I have tried talking to him about the subject for quite a while. Even before we were married. He always has the same reaction. He just clams up and stares in an opposite direction. Like if he ignores the situation, it will all just work out the way he wants it to. I am thinking maybe I should take his approach…I can ignore changing my name and no one will be the wiser. Ha! He is very traditional in some of his ways. I understand women changed ther names in the past. But let’s face it, it was easier for them to do!They most likely didn’t have careers attached to their names or credit cards, etc…Most of their life was attached to the husbands name! I think it’s more challending for a woman to change her name now.
In all seriousness, I am in a weird situation. I lost my job and am in the process of trying to find another one. All my resumes say my name. They have to until it is legally changed. I worked 10 years in my field with my name. I feel like I need it to be rocognized on paper when applying for jobs right now. I mean am I supposed to apply for a job and then in the middle of the process of being hired say, "oh by the way, I changed my name." Seems confusing to me.
I don’t know what to do. I like my name, but I realize people will call my by my new last name anyway. In light of my job situation, is this the right time to change my name if I do choose to change it?
I just need some advice and since my husband refuses to have an adult conversation about this topic, i thought I would turn to my fellow bees. What would you do?
Post # 3
Ok, I voted one way above before reading your whole post…sorry about that
My new vote is for you to wait until you get your new job, and then change your name. I’m not sure what profession you’re in, but sometimes, when you’re already established under one name and known throughout the industry under that name, it will hurt you more to change it now than it will to change it after you get a job.
My second suggestion would be, because you’re sort of against changing your name in general, perhaps you can hyphenate? My best friend has all of her degrees (she has a few) in her maiden name, and so to associate her education with her professional career that she’s established herself in already, she hyphenated her name. I know that makes your 4 letter name now a 12 letter name with a hyphen, but it could satisfy your fiance without you feeling as if you lost your identity completely under your maiden name. Another suggestion could be to change your middle name to your maiden name as well. I’ve had friends do that. Just some way to keep your maiden name attached to you somhow.
Sorry to hear that your husband isn’t open to discussing. I know my husband probably would have been hurt if I didn’t change my name, but then, I wasn’t particularly attached to my maiden name either, so it didn’t matter as much to me as it would have if I had been super attached to my maiden name. I agree with you in that it’s the principle of the thing…you shouldn’t be forced to change your name…you should do it b/c you want to.
Hope all works out! Oh and best of luck with finding a new job! My opinion on that is still to keep your maiden name until you find something
Post # 4
First, change your name only because YOU want to.
Second, change it to what you want it to be. If you want to hypenate, do that. If you don’t ultimately want a hyphenated name, don’t do it now — double the name changes gets even more confusing.
Third, if you do go ahead and change it, put your maiden name as your middle name on all your application, resumes, etc. Or fully use your maiden name as your "professional" name — seriously, I’m pretty sure they don’t have to match, unless you have to sign your legal name as part of business. (which, for instance, I as a lawyer, have to do… so can’t quite figure this one out myself)
Lastly, good luck in your job search!
Post # 5
In order to make things fair (why yes, I’m a Libra, why do you ask?) my fiance will be adding my maiden name as a middle name. Granted there are other (bigger) reasons why I wanted him to take on my name in some sense, but I have to admit I like that fact that I won’t be the only one slogging through the name change process!
In regards to your situation, maybe it’s just the stubborn child in me coming out, but if my fiance was acting that way about my name change it would take me a VERY long time to "get around" to changing it! With the job situation I say either put Irishgirl NewLast née MaidenName or use Irishgirl MaidenAsAMiddle NewLast if you decide to change it. However, I think it’s perfectly fine to hold off changing it. A lot of women don’t change their names until years after they got married!
Post # 6
I changed my name a week after the wedding. BUT I kept my old name. This is what I did:
First OLD Middle Madien NewLast
I have two middles names now- so I’m Louise Sarah Martin Miller (Sarah Martin being my middle names).
You could always do that, but, in MI you can only have three names your your drivers license, so I hyphenated my two middle names.
Post # 7
What about unemployment? If I file for unemployment and then change my name will that mess things up?
Post # 8
So…I voted for what I think you should do, not what I would do. =) I plan on changing my name (I know, I know, it’s a huge hassle — but I want to). I wouldn’t do it in the middle of a job search, though. So, if it was about me, I’d got with option C. Because I WANT to change my name.
You don’t, though, which changes the situation. While I do think you need to talk to your husband about it (eventually), he IS being quite stupid about the whole thing. So I vote wait it out. DEFINATELY wait until you have a job to do anything, but wait until you’ve talked it over with him properly before you do change it. Maybe suggest that you BOTH change your names to a hyphenated one (Smith-Jones), or you could always "make up" a new one (S’mone, for example — it’s the only good one I could think of with the above names, LOL). If he whines that it’s too much trouble, point out that if you changed your name, you’d have to go through all that trouble, so either he should do it too, or you shouldn’t have to. But only if he complains! If he agrees, I’d go for it. It sounds like he’s being pretty stubborn, so I’d say that while you shouldn’t really make such a big concession as to change your name completely (since you don’t want to!), you do need to compromise, because it does seem like it’s a big deal to him that you do!
Post # 9
And I’m guessing you would need to make your unemployment office aware of the name change when it happened.
Post # 10
Number one, I don’t think you should change your name unless you want to.
I am in a simular situation. I just finsihed my MBA and I am in the process of job hunting. After a two year hiatus, I am not that well established so I decided to do my job stuff with my new name (I only have a few months left with this one), but instead of dropping my maiden name, like I am doing legally, I am using it as my middle name so that anyone who does know me still will. I have already made the switch on my biz cards and linked in. It seems to be a pretty common approach to the situation.
Post # 11
I got married and changed my name in the middle of searching for and being hired at a new job. It’s not as difficult as you may think. (Whether or not you actually want to change your name is a separate issue.) My resume and signatures all read Rachel (Maiden Name) New Name until my name change was finalized. You’re allowed to start using his last name the day of your wedding so that’s not wrong. My employer simply asked to make a copy of our marriage license along with my identification. Then as soon as I had my IDs (license and passport) they made copies of those also.
Even if you drop your maiden name, you can do the parenthese thing for awhile to keep your reputation in your field tied to you. It smooths things out some.
Post # 12
Leaving your maiden name as your middle name is great for this, especially if you have any certificates or important degrees in your maiden name. Then you can try going for a period of time (1 yr is what I recommend) of using your full name (i.e. for me it was Caitlin Roberts Arnold) and it makes it easier to drop out the maiden name altogether later. People don’t question the name difference between sources that way and they’re still able to find you via both names.