(Closed) Name change on Facebook???

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i’m planning on changing mine on fb.  there use to be a place where you can type in your maiden name and it will show up besides your married name in parentheses.  i haven’t checked on that since they’ve revamped it (again) but i’m assuming it’s still there.

i’m not really nervous about it.  i feel like it’s my name and if i want to change it it’s only my and FH’s business and people can keep their opinions on my name to themselves.  if you would like to do it i say do it!

Post # 4
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I like the idea of changing it but still having my maiden name next to it

like Leah -new name- (Leah -oldname-)

Post # 5
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Really? That’s odd that people would give you a hard time for it! I am in Ontario too and the majority of people that I know who have gotten married have changed their last names to their husband’s name on facebook!

If you are happy with your name change and people make rude comments just ignore and move on! The women’s movement has allowed us a CHOICE and no one should put you down for your choice.

Post # 7
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

No one should put you down for your choice, but they still will. I think it’s normal to have some nervousness about changing your name in a forum like facebook where people can weigh in so easily. Hopefully, most people will understand and those that think it weird will not comment. And if they do… ugh.

We’re actually both changing our last names to become the “Smith Johnsons,” no hyphen, but I always thought it was a little weird when my married friends on facebook became Aimee ‘Larson’ Andrews or something. Makes it seem, to me, like ‘Larson’ is a nickname, not a maiden name.

Funny that you mention this, I just came across an article about a study that shows that women with their husband’s last name or hyphenated last name are judged as being more traditionally feminine. The study has its limitations though, including a small sample size and that it used university students, meaning the results can’t really be generalized. Still interesting though.

 

Post # 9
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just saw your last post – yeah, I can understand why women would say that re: “grandmas had to, why should I” opinion. And that reminds me of yet another blog I read yesterday that might help gain some perspective:

“Here’s the thing with name-changing upon marriage: It is a patriarchal act. Find the definition to the word patriarchy and you’ll see what I mean. It’s not necessarily a sexist act, but it is patriarchal.

Am I dissing women who choose to change their names? Absolutely not. My mother did, almost all the women in my family did, and the majority of my friends (including many of those who identify as feminists) either already have changed their names, or they plan on doing so if/when they ever get married. That’s fine. That is THEIR CHOICE. It’s not one I will personally make, ever, because I feel a pretty strong connection to my last name and I know that’s not the case for everyone. For me, changing my name would be like changing my identity. It would be a pretty inconsiderate thing for any man to ask of me.

Again, it’s not like that for every woman. To each her own. But for some women, because our names mean something to us (or for any multitude of other reasons), we don’t want to connect with the patriarchy THAT WAY.

I think that many of us feminist women have certain patriarchal/sexist traditions we’re willing to participate in, and other patriarchal/sexist traditions we’d rather ignore or subvert. For instance, I don’t want to change my name, but on my wedding day I’d probably want my dad to walk me down the aisle. That’s because of the particular bond that my dad and I share, the nature of our relationship and what he means to me. However, I’m fully conscious of the fact that this is an act steeped in a patriarchal history. I’m willing to look past that, even though I know other feminist women would be appalled at the thought of participating in this type of ceremonial patriarchy. I hope these women wouldn’t judge my choice, just as I don’t judge women who take their husbands’ last names, but I digress. We all have our limits and definitions on how to balance feminist/womanist sensibilities with living in a patriarchal society.”

Post # 10
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I should add that I don’t necessarily think that choosing to change one’s last name to your husband’s last name means that one is “connecting with the patriarchy.” I just liked this person’s explanation of her own choices and of being non-judgemental towards anyone else’s choices, whatever they might be.

Post # 12
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think a lot can be said for how convenient it is to have the same name as your husband.  It lets everyone know you are related.

What do Canadian (and other women who don’t take their husband’s name) women do about their children’s last names?  That’s a big factor for me.  I don’t want a ridiculously long name, and I don’t want my children to have a ridiculously long last name, and I don’t see how it’s any less patriarchal to keep your maiden name but give your children only the father’s last name.  I originally thought I’d have my husband and me pick out a new last name and change ours together, but I LIKE FI’s last name with my first name, whereas I always thought mine was awkward.  Plus, he’s very attached to his last name.  That + simplicity is why I’m taking my husband’s name…has nothing to do with being subservient to him or anything.  I think there are a wide range of reasons women take their husband’s last name these days and it’s not like they’re coerced into it by antiquated and sexist laws.  Their decisions should be respected.

Post # 13
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Canada is fairly split.  Generally, in the more English-speaking provinces people are more likely to take their hubby’s name, and in Quebec they HAVE TO keep their own name.  I stayed in Quebec for a while and the names for the kids were chaos.  There were four kids in the family I stayed with, and they all had different last names (ie: Boucher, Moreau, Boucher-Moreau, and B-Moreau).  They said that some churches would let you turn one name into an initial, some insisted in hyphenating, etc.  Very confusing.  That family was a big factor in my decision to take my FIs name once we’re married.

ETA: Those are example names, but arranged the same way as the kids had.

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i am soooo dreading changing my last name.. i know that i will, only because it means so much to my fiance and he’s such a giving and selfless man who keeps making compromises–that i can’t be stubborn about this.. but every time i think about it, i get a little sad.. i love my last name!

Post # 15
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

“What do Canadian (and other women who don’t take their husband’s name) women do about their children’s last names?”

In Puerto Rico (and many Latin America countries) everyone has two last names and no one changes last name upon marriage. Kids get a last name from each of their parents, the first one which is called “apellido paterno” (and it’s usually the primary last name).

Example:

Maria Rodriguez Smith marries James Jones Perez

Maria and James have two kids, Miguel and Susan. Their full names are Miguel Jones Rodriguez and Susan Jones Rodriguez. Their family name is the Jones Rodriguez family.

Flash forward twenty or thirty years and Miguel and Susan are marrying other people and having kids of their own:

Miguel Jones Rodriguez marries Molly Gonzalez Baker and have a kid named Jamie Jones Gonzalez. Their family name is the Jones Gonzalez family.

Susan Jones Rodriguez marries Samuel Martin Munoz and have a kid named Sydney Martin Jones. Their family name is the Martin Jones family.

It’s really not complicated at all once you’re used to it.

Here in the US, since there’s no tradition attached to how multiple last names are passed down, a couple could easily choose which names they want to pass down based on how the names sound together, or what the initials spell out, or how high/low they want the kid to be in an alphabetical list, or whatever other option they want.

Edit — Wanted to add that I kept my two last names when I got married, and if my husband and I ever have kids we’re most likely going to do the last name thing I described above, KidName HisLast-MyFirstLast. The hyphen is added to prevent confusion here. I added a hyphen between my two last names when I moved to the US to make people stop assuming my first last name was a middle name.

Incidentally, since we got married in PR and there all legal documents need to have two last names, my husband’s name in the marriage certificate shows up as [FirstName] [LastName] [His Mother’s Maiden Name], because they wouldn’t process the paperwork with just FirstName LastName for him. Which was quite odd if I may say so myself, I wasn’t expecting them to require him to have two last names in the paperwork.

Post # 16
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

azula, thanks for the explanation, I totally knew that too and just forgot about it, duh–I had four years of Spanish in high school and that’s one of those things they teach you in Spanish 1.  So, that tradition still makes it so that it’s fathers’ names who get passed down, which still seems paternalistic.  And of course couples who don’t use the husband’s last name can name their kids whatever they want, but it just makes it a lot less simplistic and harder to record and trace back genealogy and stuff, and isn’t there something nice about sharing your name with everyone in your immediate family?

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