(Closed) Name change options/opinions– what would you do?

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 31
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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NextMrsWeston:  do what is best for you. My Mother-In-Law did not take my FIL’s last name; and my SIL did not take my BIL’s last name either. My Mom changed her last name to my father’s last name i think like after a decade or so of being married.
I took my husband’s name because i love it; i did mourn though letting go of my last names (had both my dad and mom’s last name).

do what works for you as well; there is always a way to make it work when it comes to kids; has been working for my Brother-In-Law and worked for my husband’s parents.

 

Post # 32
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275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

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grundgetta:  My FI’s name is nicer than mine arguably. I’m happy for kids to have his as I’ll be giving them Welsh first names. I’m still very attached to my name though, and it is mine, not my Dad’s. I did point out to Fiance that his name ‘was only his Dad’s name anyway’ and he did say that made him realise how ridiculous it is that some people consider women’s names to be their dad’s, but men’s names are their own.

I don’t know how it works in other countries but in England and Wales (Scotland is stricter) you can pretty much bestow any name you want on your child. So if I’m Eirlys Jones and he’s John Doe we could freely name our children X Smith, or X Williams. 

Post # 33
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3053 posts
Sugar bee

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@grundgetta:  I’m attached to mine too because it’s a crazy totally unpronouncable Ukrainian surname lol.. Imposible to spell too! hehe. I would really feel like I had lost a significant part of myself if I dropped my maiden name altogether. I won’t use it socially or professionally once I am married, but it will still be nice to see it on official documents like my passport 🙂 I just feel better about it if I make it my second middle name, or even my middle name.

Post # 34
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494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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tjacob2014:  That’s exactly what I’ve done. I’m a pretty vocal feminist, and to me that means that I and everyone else should have the freedom to choose what they want to do with their name; I liked DH’s last name a lot and really wanted to take it, but I also didn’t want to lose my identity. My previous middle name was very odd and I really didn’t like it, but I love my maiden name, so I was perfectly happy moving it over to my middle name and taking on DH’s surname. In addition, we’ll probably end up using my maiden name as the middle name for all of our children. 

Post # 35
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ve never felt any particular attachment to my maiden name.  Just because my drivers license is going to say “Haver” instead of “Anderson” (not my actual names) doesn’t mean that my first 28 years as an Anderson are suddenly erased. My grandparents and parents are still going to be my family.  I also have no professional degrees or anything in my maiden name, so that’s not a factor for me.

For what it’s worth, my best friend chose to hyphenate and both names end in ‘eck’.  And it sounds fine.

What about keeping your name legally but using his socially?

 

Post # 36
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

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NextMrsWeston:  How about keeping your full name and tagging on his last name without the hyphen (I haven’t read pp’s comments so I apologize if this was already suggested). My Fiance has four names a first, middle, his mom’s last name and his dad’s last name. I plan on doing this as well I’ll keep my three names and tag his on so the “kids” (if we have them) will have the same name. You could use his name on official documents and go by your current name for everything else. 

Post # 37
Member
778 posts
Busy bee

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NextMrsWeston:  I have been ecstatic to drop kick my last name away since I was a kid. (people always assume I have a religious affiliation bc its a common last name in a certain religion and sect). 

So i’m stoked to take my boo’s last name. Also it’ll make my full name sound awesome. He doesn’t care either way but supports my decisions always. I think he secretly likes that I;ll share his last name 🙂

Post # 38
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m really stuck on this too.  I finally changed my whole name legally a couple of years ago after going by my new name for nearly a decade (not estranged from my parents or anything, just never liked my birth name, it was chosen in haste and my new first name didn’t go with my parents’ last name so I moved my middle name).  So my name is pretty important to me.  I have no problems taking his name, but I really don’t want to lose my last name as it was not only my choice but was also my Grandpa’s name and I was very close to him.  For professional reasons I don’t think he’d be for taking my name and losing his, though he says it’s just not something he’s ever thought much about so it’s not off the table, I definitely don’t think he should do that if he doesn’t want to.  

To simplify- my last name is Francis, his is Ritchie.  So these are our options:

 

Both of us go with Ritchie (I’m not super keen on this idea)

We stick with me as Francis and him Ritchie (neither of us really wants this)

He would be Ritchie and I would be Francis-Ritchie/Francis Ritchie (again not great as we’d have different names)

Both of of us change to Francis Ritchie/Francis-Ritchie (I like this best) or Ritchie Francis/Ritchie-Francis (he likes this more!)

We both have Francis (not sure how he feels about this)

Post # 39
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - Our Backyard

 Hi, not sure if this was already suggested as I just skimmed through the other replies pretty quickly. My best friend did not want to change her name so she didn’t. Neither her nor her husband’s name are very offensive or hard to pronounce so that wasn’t the issue. They never planned on having children but lo and behold….whoops and surprise! LOL 

anyway, that’s when the name issue came to be a problem. Their solution was to give their son her last  name as his middle name and her husband’s last name as his last name. They are happy with it and it works for them. 

Post # 40
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My suggestion would be for each of you to keep your names as they are. Personally, I never understood the struggle with changing names because I don’t have an attachment to a name, only the people in my family. A name is just a name, they’ve been changed throughout centuries. I still know who I am regardless of what my last name is. Maybe if I was a Rothschild, I would care lol.

Post # 41
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

Ah. I am very traditional and live in Southern US. It is very very strange to not take your husband’s last name. I acutally don’t know anyone who did not…

My husband is giddy about my new last name. He feels like we are more of a family since we have the same name.

Post # 42
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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tjacob2014:  That TOTALLY makes sense. I’ve never been attached to my last name at all either, actually I kind of resented it because it’s extremely popular and bland, but the thought of giving it up bothers me greatly. People actually refer to me by my first and last name because they go together so well. I’m so used to being called MY NAME. It’s so weird to think of being this new person and having to change my whole identity at 30! But I do like that FI’s last name is very cute and unique. When he first told me what his last name was, I laughed; I thought it was so goofy. BUT there are 30,000 other women with my birth name, so it’s not that special. With my married name, I will be the only person in the United States with my name, so that’s cool!

Post # 43
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

We both kept our last names, but on Facebook, I took his last name and he took mine. Our children will have his last name.

I’d say, only two of my friends out of 8 who got married in recent years have taken their husband’s last name. It’s a personal decision, and for me, first, I love my name and how it flows, and secondly, I didn’t want to deal with the forms that go with changing your name.

Post # 44
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I did not change mine for a few reasons, and some of the people who I thought may not have taken it well actually did. My circle of friends is pretty progressive, and I probbly have more (close) married with different last names than not, so my friends were just asking iof I was going to change my name. His parents and aunts were actually really supportive, one of his aunts actually hates the name and said something like “I would not want you to have this name!” Since we don’t want kids, we don’t have that issue to deal with in the future. I also have a business that is tied to my name, so changing it would be pretty confusing. I’m sure people will assume I took his name, and I am sure I will be annoyed, but people still spell my first name wrong all the time when it’s right in front of their face in an email or on social media, so I know bot everyone will remember. I’m thinking of carying a copy of our marriage license around for situations where his name is on something and I picking it up or I am purchasing somethign on his points credit card that has his name on it. I figure the logistics of dealing with strangers who don’t understand different last names will be more of a hassle than people I know. 

I did ask if he wanted to change his name to mine, and he passed on that, which is understandable, since I didn’t want to change mine either. His name is also important to him, since he was adopted and it represents his family. 

I would do what is best for you and your Fiance. You both will eventually make choice that someone in your family will not agree with, so you may as well start your lives off the way you want to set the precedent. 

Also, all the paperwork to change your name is a pain in the a**. I was married for a short time when I was younger, and hypenated my name. Once you start, you have to keep going or your id does not match your credit cards ect. You also should consider if one of you does decide to change your name, if you are traveling for your honeymoon, to not book the tickets in your new name if the license won’t be back in time. Since travel is super secure these days, your name on the ticket has to match the name on the ID. 

Post # 45
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I have always hated my last name because its one of the most common last names in the US, but I am not a fan of my fiance’s last name because its only 3 letters. I know its stupid but I am going from a last name with 7 letters to one with 3. My fiance won’t even consider the thought of me not changing my last name.

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