I had a similar situation and dilemma at the time I got married. A lot of women, including my mother, replaced her middle name with her maiden. I think for all women it would be nice if this whole name thing weren’t such a change / concern / dilemma, because it is confusing having different names when you’re married, like being different people, but in reality, it’s still you and recognized as such.
I liked my full name, and didn’t want to discard any of it, but yet wanted to legally have my husband’s too. I felt like if I were using my maiden, then people who knew me as married wouldn’t know it was me. Or vice versa, that if I used my married, I’d have to prove I was the one with my maiden accomplishments. As it turns out, it’s all OK. I took all 4, two middles (being my orig and maiden-they are short). I discovered (was told legally) that you can use whatever you want. You can have all 4 names but use only the first middle, or you can still use your maiden when you want for certain things, or drop the married for some things. It really doesn’t matter. They are still your names. Here are some examples:
On my bank, my middle is just the first one. My paypal for example is still with my maiden name, because it’s hard to change it there. I have no problems whatsoever using that name to pay for things (in fact, I also have my married with address listed there in addition, in case I need that for billing). Some invoices end up using one name for the billing and one for the shipping. No problem at all. In other places I use the married. When we file our taxes, mine is only with the first middle initial and married last name. All works fine.
One good thing about using your maiden name for business, and married for personal is it keeps things separated a bit. Like for example, if your online presence is your maiden, it keeps your personal life more private. I know someone who goes by maiden on some things, married on another, and she didn’t even legally change it to the married one for the same reason as your concerns. My doctor for example uses her maiden (with middle) for her career, but when I’ve gotten a phone call from her, it is from her married name. Another example, Faith Hill: Faith is her middle name (first name is Audrey), Hill was first husband married name, but she is legally Audrey McGraw. There are a few musicians I can think of who use their maiden but at times adds the married to it. So in reality, I found out it isn’t as big of a deal as I originally thought.
So I think for you, you could use all 4, keep your website as it is, use that name, and for other things that you want to use your married name, use that. Not every place needs to use your middle ones anyway, so having the 4 (first (Mary) middle(Jane) middle (Bale) last (Lanzanetti) gives you the option to use any combination you want for certain purposes, or just initials, and only your SS will be all 4. This lets you use Mary Jane Lanzanetti, or Mary Jane Bale, etc.